Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[the Jester]

Speaking of playing with kids... one of the guys in my group started playing with us when he was prolly about 12 or 13ish? (The rest of us were late 20's, early 30's types.)

He (and two other kids that got in the group back then) were very enthusiastic players, and added a lot of fun to the game. They got in because one of them was a student of mine (I tutor, among other things) and he begged me to let him and his twin brother play. So I ran a small game for them- and they brought their friend Matt (who is the only one of the three of them that still lives near us, and he's the one still playing with us).

After that, it was simply a matter of fusing the groups. Everyone seemed to enjoy playing with them overall, and it was a cool group that was very wild and crazy for a while.

 

[Festivus]

8. Hint for parents - the other gamers do NOT want to hear about potty training, etc. Save that for Gramma. Unless, of course, they ASK. Also, other gamers do not necessarily want to hold your baby.

A wonderful list, however, #8... several of us at the table are parents and discuss such topics before the game. Rarely during, unless my kids come by the table and do something that warrants a comment from one of the parents (e.g. My daughter used to do that). We play from 6pm-midnight, and bedtime is at 8pm, so I usually take a 5 minute break at 8pm to tuck the kids in and say goodnight to them.

 

[racoffin]

A pretty good list, overall. I'll echo Festivus with regard to playing when the kids are asleep. There are often lulls in the action when my wife or I aren't needed that we can deal with the kids while others get a soda or take a bathroom/smoke break and so on. It's totally doable, it just requires a little give and take on everyone's side. I've found mine (and others) children to be less of a distraction at the table than cellphone interuptions, for instance.

 

[mmu1]

Your loss, I guess. In the campaign I DM, we play at my place. We have a babysitter for the kids (6 and 3) about half the time. The other half, they're around when the game is on.

The little one enjoys sitting on my lap and rolling the dice for me. He gets a devilish little look in his eyes when I tell him it's a good roll. Definite future gamer there (which is a good reason not to keep him away from the game!) The older one is more shy, and tends to watch a movie or read or whatever until we're done. Most in the group are parents so they understand, and enjoy it.

Like the OP said, the kids always some first. So if the choice is gaming with your friends while their kids are around, or not gaming with those friends at all, it's a pretty simple decision.

If they enjoy it, good for them.

However, too many parents tend to think that everyone should find their kids to be as absolutely adorable as they do, and fail to realize that just because they don't mind if the little beasts run wild, others (in particular, the childless ones) have no right to complain.

As I said, I play with people who have kids, and at the homes of people who have kids... they're just polite enough to never make the fact they have kids other people's problem.

 

[Fifth Element]

As I said, I play with people who have kids, and at the homes of people who have kids... they're just polite enough to never make the fact they have kids other people's problem.

I guess it's just the "kids are a hassle" vibe I'm getting that bothers me.

 

[fba827]

Oh, another one that is similar to the things already said ...

Never imply that something is wrong with the child, even as a joke. Parents take a lot of pride in their kids and may remember that "joke" I.e. "wow your child is fat/skinny/slow/add/needs meds"

Some may take it as a joke and leave it at that, though some parents I know would laugh but deep down take it as a minor insult to their child, to their parenting, or both that they remember.

But, yeah, from the other perspective, it is polite for the parents, as much as possible, to not let the kids be _too much_ of a distraction (every person's definition of "too much" will be different).

 

[mmu1]

I guess it's just the "kids are a hassle" vibe I'm getting that bothers me.

It's not that "kids are a hassle" - I just want how much I interact with kids to be a matter of choice, not of how complacent and lazy their parents are.

...kids love me, actually. Which, come to think of it, could be used as an argument against them, since it proves they're complete idiots.

 

[WayneLigon]

I've spent a good chunk of my gaming experience with people who have small kids, and with older kids. Really, there's nothing much different.

Yes, you will have them missing games at times. Have a backup plan or game in place for those times. Have someone run their character, etc. Kids can get sick just like that (snaps fingers).

Usually, though, unless they're in the double digits they should be in bed by the time y'all are really getting started. 7-8 pm and they're usually conked out. Just be sure to be quieter than usual and you'll not hear a peep out of them.

 

[Ambush Bug]

I guess it's just the "kids are a hassle" vibe I'm getting that bothers me.

Make no mistake, kids are a hassle, even and especially when they're yours. Including them in your roleplaying can bog it down, and in our case leads to more simplified stories about more kid-friendly topics. That's why we have a no-kids campaign. But there are rewards to letting them be included, which is why we have a couple yes-kid campaigns too. If nothing else, it inspired my oldest to recruit a bunch of her friends for an all-teenager Star Wars game, which is what the hobby needs if it's going to avoid stagnation. There are benefits to kids being involved, even if sometimes they annoy the hell out of you. We annoyed the hell out of our parents, after all.

 

[Festivus]

My 2.5 year old son regularly asks me if he can play Dungeons and Dragons. My response is to say that he isn't big enough, and will have to wait until he's older... to which he puts his arms up and stands on his tippy toes and says "I'm bigger! Look!"

Kids aren't a hassle, really. They are adorable, wonderful little people who just want to be involved and have some attention. For that two hour window that the kids are awake and we are gaming, I let them help me roll dice if they want to. Usually they are just after the popcorn at the table, or are otherwise in the other room entertaining themselves with matchbox cars or something.