Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[AstroCat]

That's your onetruewayism. For some people it's fine. For many parents, it's preferable. For many people without kids, it's worth it to game with their friends, even if it means kids. You're trying to tell other people what their priorities are.

I would never insist someone deals with my kids. But it's a package deal. If they game with me, at least some of the time, they're going to game with my kids. If they don't want to, no problem. I'll game with someone else.

I wouldn't drag the kids along to a Vampire game or something like that. But a nice, relaxing Friday night game with my friends? Yeah, my kids are there. Yeah, they do disrupt sometimes. Yes, we are the only kid-having members of the group currently (there were two others at one point).

Hey, we've played our D&D game all the way from 1st level to 14th. It's actually one of the most stable, long-running games I've had in years. If this is what kids does to a campaign, bring it on.

I am saying that if your kids disrupt the game night every week it is a burden you are putting on your gaming buddies that I don't think is fair. If you are able to deal with your children for a few hours a week in a way that everyone is cool with then that is great. I would be all for that. Look, if some of our gaming couples (including us) have kids and work out a situation that is ok with everyone involved then that is great.

If they just expect us all to deal with out any consideration for the realities of the situation then I think that is not fair to everyone involved. Having your kids at the the session is the parent's responsibility not everyone else's. It would be like bringing a new player in or a guest, that is on you, as long as everyone else tries to be understanding and cool the new person would be on you.

 

[roguerouge]

You of course are asking this assuming that is the style of game they play. Not everyone needs, wants or desires immersive play. Right?

I'm not assuming it's the only kind of game; and pay heed to the term "Devil's advocate" at the start of that post.

But given what people are describing here, I can hardly see how any kind of role playing occurs beyond, "I hit stuff." Thus, it occurred to me to ask these parents if that's what they mean by gaming. If it is, you can see why other players who have a different definition of role playing might have some issues with their choice to bring the kids to the game.

 

[Teflon Billy]

OK, in that situation, that is someone burdening a game with their kids.

But when my husband and I put together our current group, we made it plain up front that we have a daughter, and are planning another baby, and so kids are a part of our household. We also can't afford a babysitter every week, and so we hold games at our house, and provide snacks as well. More of a case of saying, "we'd like to play, but we've got to play in our yard, so do you want to join us?" type thing. People are free to say yes or no, of course. Even the guy who doesn't like kids realizes this, and he deals with it. But we've stopped taking her to other people's houses when we want to game. We'll visit folks for other reasons, but for now, we have to game at home, with whomever is willing to come game with a toddler in the house.

Yeah, I wasn't implying that that's what you were doing, just that your "rules" in the OP didn't seem to apply to all gaming situations I've been in where the presence of kids was a pain in the ass.

 

[jmucchiello]

I think the assumption of the OP is that everyone involved in the game is willing to accept that kids will co-exist with the game time. The "rules" presented are a list of things you are signing onto as part of gaming with the couples with kids.

IOW, the thread is not "shut up and listen to how you must handle parents who bring children to game". Instead it is "if you are open to playing with parent who will bring kids to game, these are the conditions you must be willing to accept."

 

[Mamacat]

I'm starting to wonder...my thread about female gamers got slightly hijacked into a dragonborn boobies discussion, and this one had a lot of talk about backsides...Should I be worried, or is it just me?

 

[pawsplay]

I'm not assuming it's the only kind of game; and pay heed to the term "Devil's advocate" at the start of that post.

But given what people are describing here, I can hardly see how any kind of role playing occurs beyond, "I hit stuff." Thus, it occurred to me to ask these parents if that's what they mean by gaming. If it is, you can see why other players who have a different definition of role playing might have some issues with their choice to bring the kids to the game.

Most of the time I'm the GM. We've had sessions in which no blows were thrown.

 

[Mamacat]

I think the assumption of the OP is that everyone involved in the game is willing to accept that kids will co-exist with the game time. The "rules" presented are a list of things you are signing onto as part of gaming with the couples with kids.

IOW, the thread is not "shut up and listen to how you must handle parents who bring children to game". Instead it is "if you are open to playing with parent who will bring kids to game, these are the conditions you must be willing to accept."

That's why I called them "hints" instead of rules - no absolutes, just tips from someone who's been a gamer girl for a long, long time (OMG, has it been 23 years ALREADY???) and a parent for a short time.

 

[racoffin]

I would say that we have a fairly high quality good roleplaying session and less of "I hit things". Not quite sure how the presence of kids would preclude that sort of roleplaying, myself, anymore than any of the dozens of other distractions I've listed off previously.

 

[roguerouge]

I think the assumption of the OP is that everyone involved in the game is willing to accept that kids will co-exist with the game time. The "rules" presented are a list of things you are signing onto as part of gaming with the couples with kids.

IOW, the thread is not "shut up and listen to how you must handle parents who bring children to game". Instead it is "if you are open to playing with parent who will bring kids to game, these are the conditions you must be willing to accept."

You do know what they say about assumptions, of course...

Seriously, it's perfectly reasonable for people to debate each of those rules, including the basic premise that gaming with parents who watch over their extremely young kids is acceptable. I find it acceptable. I also find it acceptable that others might not find it acceptable or might legitimately regret that certain kinds of gaming might be inevitably lost when kids are around (immersive role playing, in-character role playing, and mature-themed role playing).

If you're not allowed to debate those guidelines and their benefit/loss balance, then they're not rules. They're ultimatums.

 

[racoffin]

There comes a point, tho, where points seem to be being debated to just be debated.

The OP said "Hey, if you play with people who have kids, here are some ideas to keep in mind." Some people don't mind kids, some do.

It seems that some of the posters aren't willing to meet halfway or compromise. The posts seem to indicate that if there are kids involved then all bets are off: it will be bad roleplay and the kids will be running amok screaming and disrupting the game. Those folks posting that have children and/or players with children in their game have said that isn't the case and yet the same posts keep coming.

You can think of the rules or the comments of "Hey, I have kids and if you want me to play we have to find ways to deal with the situation" as ultimatiums if you prefer. It seems, however, those with children are attempting to find a way to make everyone happy, to play a game they like with their friends.