Mamacat's helpful hints for gaming with couples with or without kids

[Nightchilde-2]

but I will say that I'm not sure if Mamacat was using the phrase "spanking, swat on the butt" in as strong as you suggest, as in walloping your child Old School.

Exactly. There's a HUGE difference between a disciplinary swat on the booty to grab the kid's attention and let them know "hey, cut it out" and leaving a bruise or red mark.

As a father of three (a 12-year old girl, a 6-year old girl and a 7-month old boy) I get the full range of child challenges during gaming. Though my weekly game is online so it's not anywhere nearly as much of a distraction as if it were a f2f game.

However, I do run a monthly f2f game, so I do have one tip in consideration to the non-childrearing gamers.

Warn them. Make sure that they know there's going to be kids at the session (in our case, my kids, plus the son of one of the other couples and occasionally the son of a third couple). The kidless members of the group were "warned" ahead of time. And if that does turn someone off and they choose not to be in the game, don't take it personal (unless the kidless people are just asshats about it). Let them know, hey, it's going to be loud and noisy, there are going to be times you'll have to bow out because of kid-related issues and there WILL be distractions. A lot of times, just explaining this up front is helpful.

That said, my 12-year old plays with us (and is one of the best RPers of the group), my 6 year old likes to roll dice for me when she's not playing with the other kids and I actually have one of those rare 7-month olds that is as perfect as I make him out to be...he doesn't even fuss until he's hungry, sleepy or needs a diaper change..otherwide, he just hangs out and laughs at us.

 

[pawsplay]

But I am glad that you at least don't practice such (barbarian) methods. People who hit their children should be prosecuted and have taken away their rights to be parents. Luckily, this is how it works in many countries. Believe me or not, but talking to kids who have had this happen to them, seeing how it screws up their life, can make even a cold-hearted sob like myself a sad panda.

I have had to spank my children. it's not something I like to do. Basically, children are uncivilized. So you redirect them, bribe, cajole, compliment, model them and do all those other things to help discipline them. But ultimately, some kids are going to need a spanking sometime, because they are going to test your authority and see how much they can get away with and how determined you are for them to behave like civilized people. If a toddler slaps a six month old on the face, if a child goes starts to chew on an electrical cord after having been warned, if a child kicks someone without provocation, if a child removes their seatbelt while you are doing 65 on the highway, these situations can call for a spanking. This is good practice for adulthood, when assaulting people or destroying property can lead to an arrest, and messing with dangerous objects can lead to death.

There is nothing barbaric about spanking. I am not sanctioning actually injuring the child, I am simply talking about pain inflicted for the purpose of teaching a lesson. It sounds harsh, but there it is. Parenting is a hard job, and it is even harder for people outside a situation to understand all the things that lead up to a discipline problem.

People like Albert Bandura have given us strong arguments that a diet of violence can damage kids' judgment. But I don't accept his argument this makes all spanking, all bad, all the time. Plenty of studies have shown that cool-headed, reasonable punishments don't hurt and might help.

I'm not sociopath, and my children are often complimented for their good behavior. Of all my children, only one has very often required a spanking, and I think we are almost past that.

I have a BS in Psychology and I'm working on my Master's. I am very familiar with the issues from all sides, and I will say without hesitation that if it means the difference between your child being a bully or not, or electrocuting themselves or not, or destroying a $400 television or not, you will spank them if you have to.

 

[Jack99]

I have a BS in Psychology and I'm working on my Master's. I am very familiar with the issues from all sides, and I will say without hesitation that if it means the difference between your child being a bully or not, or electrocuting themselves or not, or destroying a $400 television or not, you will spank them if you have to.

Spanking is never the only solution. If you think that, you are exactly what is wrong in society.

I am going to withdraw from this discussion, because with opinions like yours, it is very hard for me to not break the rules of ENworld.

Just one thing. To the OP, I didn't mean to imply that you were doing these things. Merely that it seems from your comments that it is not an uncommon practice in your country. Sorry if you took it as a personal attack.

 

[Zinovia]

For people who want to interest their girlfriend / spouse in gaming, you might have her read [ame=http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Part-time-Sorceress-Dungeons-Dragons/dp/0786947268/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215279511&sr=8-1]Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress[/ame]. I haven't read it myself, but it has apparently helped some women understand the appeal of gaming and to get past all the stereotypes. She may not want to play herself, but perhaps she will have a better understanding of gaming and why you enjoy it. If she doesn't seem interested in reading the book, don't push it. Not everyone is interested in RPG's, but at least you made an effort to involve her in your hobby.

 

[Mamacat]

For people who want to interest their girlfriend / spouse in gaming, you might have her read Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress. I haven't read it myself, but it has apparently helped some women understand the appeal of gaming and to get past all the stereotypes. She may not want to play herself, but perhaps she will have a better understanding of gaming and why you enjoy it. If she doesn't seem interested in reading the book, don't push it. Not everyone is interested in RPG's, but at least you made an effort to involve her in your hobby.

I'd forgotten about that book - it is cute. I sort of skimmed it, since I'm already a gamer, but good idea!

 

[Set]

People who hit their children should be prosecuted and have taken away their rights to be parents. Luckily, this is how it works in many countries. Believe me or not, but talking to kids who have had this happen to them, seeing how it screws up their life, can make even a cold-hearted sob like myself a sad panda.

Opinions vary on that.

We had corporal punishment in the public schools in Oklahoma, a very 'Bible Belt' sort of place, and the punishment I got for getting up to help someone get her window down when the bus was in motion was 50 'licks' with a wooden paddle, administered by the principal, since the bus driver, like many of the women at the school, didn't think that women hit hard enough to make an impression on eight year old boys.

I have no idea how this works on other people, but it just taught me to disrespect people who are in authority, and hold them in contempt, since they just bullied and abused weaker people. Had I been bigger and stronger, I would have probably hit them back and ended up in juvie or being drowned in a bathtub in some failed attempt to exorcise the evil spirits that were making me 'disobedient.'

We've got a politically powerful religious leader in this country publishing books on how to discipline children 'without leaving marks' so that social services doesn't 'interfere,' how to discipline so that she 'submits to your headship' and suggesting having children shower with you so that they can touch and admire your genitals. Tens of thousands of Americans send this creature money and will vote the way he endorses, so I totally get why non-Americans think this country endorses violence towards children, given that so many of us do.

 

[racoffin]

Opinions on child rearing and punishment are as varied as taste in soda pop. If you look for more than five minutes you can find "experts" to defend any of those opinions.

This is one of those topics much like religion, politics, abortion, and so forth that seems to provoke strong feelings and reactions, and the sides aren't going to agree. It's probably best to let this aspect of the conversation go and try to drift back on course.

 

[Mercurius]

Spanking is never the only solution. If you think that, you are exactly what is wrong in society.

I am going to withdraw from this discussion, because with opinions like yours, it is very hard for me to not break the rules of ENworld.

Jack99, a quick question: Do you have children? I know that since having a child of my own, my perspective on what is "good parenting" has changed and that I am much less judgmental about other parents. Again, this is not to say that I condone spanking or yelling at your child, but I do understand it because children can be very, very frustrating (they are cross-cultural barbarians, after all, if very endearing ones). The nature of a child is, in many ways, to drive their parents crazy. As any parent will attest, it is the hardest--but most rewarding--job in the world.

Have I caused physical pain to my child? Yes, not "major pain" and not really intentionally, but I've yanked her by the arm or lightly slapped her arm. I am certainly not proud of it and if I could I would take those instances back, but I think we need to recognize that there is a wide spectrum, from gentleness to actual abuse, and to call any kind of physicality abuse--which is the impression you are giving--seems a bit harsh and perhaps not in touch with the reality of what parenting is like.

 

[Tervin]

This is sort of off topic, but I feel it kind of needs to be said. I will avoid the politics. You know how people have the image that Scandinavians have a very free view of nudity and sex compared to Americans? That is kind of true. But when we speak to Americans most of us try to take into account that different cultures have different taboos, so easy enough not to provoke people unnecessarily.

Spanking kids (even swatting lightly like you are talking about) is something that works the other way around. It has been against the law here for most of my lifetime, and is something that many people, like me (and Jack it seems) feel strongly about. So, even if it was just a phrase in passing I felt a knife turn around in my heart.

I am not saying one culture is wrong, and another is right. I just want to help explain how come some of us react so strongly against something that might seem innocent to you.

To touch upon the real topic of the thread: At times I play with kids around. Of course it is sometimes disturbing, but never a big deal. The biggest problems it has caused so far is the DM's daughter claiming his attention now and again as she feels jealous, and the fact that we have to try to keep the noise down at bedtime. (Which we are not that great at.)

 

[carmachu]

Jack99, a quick question: Do you have children? I know that since having a child of my own, my perspective on what is "good parenting" has changed and that I am much less judgmental about other parents. Again, this is not to say that I condone spanking or yelling at your child, but I do understand it because children can be very, very frustrating (they are cross-cultural barbarians, after all, if very endearing ones). The nature of a child is, in many ways, to drive their parents crazy. As any parent will attest, it is the hardest--but most rewarding--job in the world.

Have I caused physical pain to my child? Yes, not "major pain" and not really intentionally, but I've yanked her by the arm or lightly slapped her arm. I am certainly not proud of it and if I could I would take those instances back, but I think we need to recognize that there is a wide spectrum, from gentleness to actual abuse, and to call any kind of physicality abuse--which is the impression you are giving--seems a bit harsh and perhaps not in touch with the reality of what parenting is like.

Mine usually, when seirously out of line, gets a swat or two, and then time out.

However, there was once or twice in her life that she has gotten a serious spanking to reinforce very dangerous behavior. When she ran out the door and down the side walk and down the street.....luckily I was down the driveway and could run and nab her before she got very far....becuase it was extremely dangerous of her to run away like that...she could have been hit by a car and/or kidnapped if someone didnt see her leave....funny thing was that her mother, who is VERY against spanking, gave her one too.

then we got hooks for the door high up.

It has its place in punishment, when very necessary.