Dealing with trouble players?

[Mark]

He refuses to go away because friends are supposed to be stuck together until they die, which sucks because he's not exactly the kind of person I can spend more than a few hours with. He doesn't respond well to criticism either, and generally speaking calls anyone that makes a useful observation of his behavior a bad friend, or not a friend at all.

Just tell him he is no longer welcome. You've been left no choice.

 

[Loonook]

@Loonook: "Breaking" someone is never the answer. People who feel the need to "break" others are often the problem. In fact, gamers from older generations feeling the need to "break" members of younger generations is a huge cause of the generation divide. One of my writers runs the RPG society at Princeton University, and he says that the younger players are far more mature, but the older players imposing their style of rules-intensive min-maxing of characters and situations is often game breaking. When the younger players ask these other players to step off, they get "broken". This kind of attitude will drive away the younger generation, and then the hobby is screwed. Besides, it's just immature.

You wanna deal with problem players who are immature? Treat them like adults. Have an adult conversation. They can't handle it, you deal with them like adults, and politely ask them to leave.

Yes, of course it is immature... getting someone to deal with the situation they have put themselves into through their behaviors should never be done. You can take someone and build them up, but if the foundation sucks then it isn't going to help. Allowing someone who has low social functions in the way that is described to not deal with the situations in which they are placed isn't going to help... breaking the individual of their specific social pattern and negative attention-seeking behaviors is going to cause an issue? Yeah... that's why when dealing with young adults in an therapeutic environment we allow them to go through with their standard maladjusted behaviors until they just learn to 'see the light'.

This never happens. Rather than suggest the guy go through a couple of hundred hours of treatment I suggest a firm breaking-in of the individual over calmly and politely making them feel something... enjoy that. Also the assumption that all of us grognards are running around min-maxing and being rules lawyers is also quite awesome... but ehh, I digress.

An aside: Saying someone runs a college gaming group is not that impressive, no matter what college it is .

Again: If you want to save him, drag him harshly into the light of day.

Slainte,

-Loonook.

 

[JackSmithIV]

An aside: Saying someone runs a college gaming group is not that impressive, no matter what college it is .

Sorry, I left out the point there. That particular gaming group has a huge generation divide. For a long time, it was made up of mostly alumni and graduates before recently it had a huge influx of actual college-level gamers. I only named the college cause it seemed natural at the time. I'm from Jersey, we forget sometimes that Princeton is special because it's so close.

 

[Loonook]

Sorry, I left out the point there. That particular gaming group has a huge generation divide. For a long time, it was made up of mostly alumni and graduates before recently it had a huge influx of actual college-level gamers.

I know the group, and I know of the group, and know some former players from the group and some legacy hangers-on. Again, it wasn't necessary to say it... you could have just said 'a group with a generation gap'. And blaming the gap on these issues is ridiculous... but ehh, floating boats and lost remotes my friend.

Slainte,

-Loonook.

 

[wedgeski]

He showed up last weekend at my house in the middle of the night and sleeping over (because he told his parents not to come back for him) without so much as a phone call after he was specifically told not to show. Several people in my group don't even want to play anymore because of him. And I do want to keep my group intact, which is why it's become such a problem.

Yeah, I think there are bigger things going on here with this guy. I can't help but agree with everyone else: uninvite him. If he still turns up, pass the problem to your parents. The worst possible thing that could happen here is that the bad apple destroys the entire group.

 

[vagabundo]

Yeah, I think there are bigger things going on here with this guy. I can't help but agree with everyone else: uninvite him. If he still turns up, pass the problem to your parents. The worst possible thing that could happen here is that the bad apple destroys the entire group.

This. Escalate the problem to your parents and tell them he is disrupting your game and ask their help. They might have sympathy for the kid but they will probably bounce him out of the house.

You are not his kids social worker and if you asks you why he was bounced tell him the truth, "you were ruining the game for the rest of us". The 4e DMG actually has some good advice about dealing with some of these issues.

 

[Mathew_Freeman]

Dump him, explain why, and if he apologises or promises to change - give him a second chance. If he doesn't change - dump him from your gaming group and don't let him back in.

 

[Dragonbait]

With the fact that you really are not keen on the guy in mind, I agree with what almost everyone has said: Uninvite him.

I've had to do this several times in the past when I was my groups primary GM. Several times were with people I didn't know well, so it wasn't too hard. Once was with a person I had known for years and was just too cowardly to stand up to them before the moment I told them to leave. It's not fun, it's not easy, but if he is not a person you like to be around and is affecting those that you DO like to be around you will be MUCH better off once he is gone.

If you are a passive person who does not like to rock the boat, just remember that period of discomfort that you deal with when dropping him from the group will be nothing but a memory after a few days to a few weeks. You will be thanking yourself later for doing it when you are enjoying sessions of D&D. You might want someone else to be with you, but ensure that they remain calm when this is going on. If its done in a calm manner and not a "F-off you loser" way, it will be easier.

 

[Wootz]

Just tell him he is no longer welcome. You've been left no choice.

I might have to go with this. I understand Loonook's advice, but I don't think it would work in a good manner, as he's the kind of person that would just assume there's something wrong with everyone else. He'd find someone to ally with (I know a few people who probably wouldn't side against him out of pity) and bug the group to a sad and miserable death. As wedgeski mentioned, one person can ruin it for everyone, which is something I'm desperately trying to avoid. I had the chance yesterday to discuss uninviting him with the rest of the group, and the result was actually surprisingly in favor of it (it's not the fact itself that was surprising, but the overwhelming support) but now I'm wondering how to go about this without looking like a total d-bag (I tend to do that when I explain to people what's wrong with them)

 

[brunswick]

Just do your best to explain that his "play-style" isnt what you (as DM) and the Group are enjoying. Emphasise that the decision has nothing to do with your friendship with him (if you still want to be his friend). If you're feeling generous, and he really seems repentant, then you might give him a second chance but I suspect that he has burned his bridges at this stage...

I had to face off against a former player in my group in the early 90s (the players told me that if I didnt confront the guy and tell him to go, then they would all walk out!). It was a very difficult thing to do but it was for the best as far as my game was concerned.....