How would your group handle this somewhat delicate situation with a player?

[justanobody]

Tell the guy to divorce the overbearing control freak wife before they end up having kids that she ruins their lives as well, and have him reclaim any money he spent on her nursing school.

This has little to do to help your game, but will help him in the long run, and with his free time his own, rather than him being her property he will probably be happier. As a side bonus he gets to join in the D&D games when he has time.

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Mr. theLawyer:

There's a loophole there...

Wrong!

If the wife is as domineering as some people are jumping to the conclusion that she is, then there is no loophole, she's right, end of story.

However, can we have a few more details here in regards to timing and co-ordination. Surely you guys can make the stars align a little more than once a month with a little effort?

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

 

[Silver Moon]

Chill out, it's only a game. This happens, don't blame the wife, he's an adult. Plan when the other three of you can play and if he can make it, great, if not, oh well. Either way you should probably start looking for a new player.

 

[joethelawyer]

Wrong!

If the wife is as domineering as some people are jumping to the conclusion that she is, then there is no loophole, she's right, end of story.

However, can we have a few more details here in regards to timing and co-ordination. Surely you guys can make the stars align a little more than once a month with a little effort?

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

Well, granted the holiday season is a bit nuts for everyone, but it generally works like this:

Me and my brother the DM, any night is fine except Thursday and Saturday night. We even make an exception for Saturday if nothing else can work out. The other unnamed player usually gives us 2 or 3 nights a week that work for him out of the other 5 or 6. The last guy, the one with the problem, basically says "lemme check with the wife," which comes back as "nope, can't do it," more often than not, ever since she graduated nursing school.

Giving him the holidays nuttiness benefit of the doubt, here's an example that puts it all in perspective I think. Our big game day of the year is the day after thanksgiving. Its sort of a tradition that we all take off from work, and spend the entire day, like 12 hours at least, reliving the college days and just playing D&D and drinking beer all damn day. We talk about it for like 6 months leading up to it. We plan for it for the whole year. For example, right now, everyone knows that the Friday after turkey day, 2009, we are playing D&D all day. It was the same understanding last year at this time.

A week or less before the big day this year, we started the get rumblings that all was not well in Camelot. We started hearing he might have something to do with relatives. That turned into family is visiting and we may have to start later. That turned into "I can play all day, I just might have to take off for 2 hours in the middle of it" (we figure no biggie, we'll use that time to eat turkey day leftovers and watch a D&D day appropriate movie). What ultimately ended up happening was us starting at like 11 am and ending at 4 pm.

What a waste of a great potential day. For that, I would have not taken off from work and saved a vacation day. That pretty much sealed the deal for us that he was the wussy in the relationship.

I liked the idea of suggesting we just play at his place. That ought to force the issue.

Thx for the input and advice.

Any other ideas, feel free to suggest away.

 

[joethelawyer]

Tell the guy to divorce the overbearing control freak wife before they end up having kids that she ruins their lives as well, and have him reclaim any money he spent on her nursing school.

This has little to do to help your game, but will help him in the long run, and with his free time his own, rather than him being her property he will probably be happier. As a side bonus he gets to join in the D&D games when he has time.

My sentiments exactly. That's why I am not doing the talking. My diplomacy score for matters of this nature is negative 34.

let me guess, you're single like me, right?

 

[joethelawyer]

Just a note- my wife disagrees with me.

Of course, if I were the one in this guy's position, and I was trying to leave to play D&D on one of the few nights we are together, when I was completely able to play on a different date when she was at work, I bet she'd change her mind.

What does she disagree with? A gamer's wife's opinion in this would probably be helpful.

 

[TarionzCousin]

Tell the guy to divorce the overbearing control freak wife before they end up having kids that she ruins their lives as well, and have him reclaim any money he spent on her nursing school.

This has little to do to help your game, but will help him in the long run, and with his free time his own, rather than him being her property he will probably be happier. As a side bonus he gets to join in the D&D games when he has time.

Quoted for posterity.

Joe, ignore the nobody. As you point out, he's like you and has a minus 34 diplomacy from a low single-digit charisma. His advice is horrible.

Several people have made some good suggestions:

1. Play at Problem Guy's house and invite his wife;
2. Find at least one more player;
3. Don't confront Problem Guy yourself; your attitude will only make things worse, regardless of whether you are right or wrong.

Good luck.

 

[pawsplay]

My advice would be to avoid any marital entangelments (well, that's the real trick, isn't it?). Instead just say, "We are trying to set a regular night to game. What works for you? Is your schedule pretty regular these days?" Once you've got that set, talk it over with the group and set some standards about what to do when one or two people can't make it. Proceed.

 

[justanobody]

My sentiments exactly. That's why I am not doing the talking. My diplomacy score for matters of this nature is negative 34.

let me guess, you're single like me, right?

A girl and I once had a conversation like this:

Girl: When we start living together you are going to start doing this this and that, and we will start doing this and that and the other.

Me: Good thing we will never start living together than, eh?

I don't mind working WITH people, but NEVER tell me what I am going to do. I don't think women belong in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, but with their equal rights means equal, not they got to decide everything. Any partnership means equality, not one controlling the other, and only I control my life!

So yeah, thankfully very much single and without the burden of some psycho like it seems your college buddy has.

 

[joethelawyer]

So yeah, thankfully very much single and without the burden of some psycho like it seems your college buddy has.

well, we didnt know him in college. the rest of us, me the bro and the unnamed player all played for like 15 yrs now (me and the bro for 25). this new guy has been playing for a couple years. it took him a year of experimental classes and races to realize that bards (2 dead) and monks (one dead) suck beyond belief.

he came from the magic the card game world, though he is as old as we all are (late 30's). interestingly, he plays his half-orc barbarian (finally one that won't die fast) like a magic card. he throws his stats at every situation. no RP whatsoever. not much input into decision-making.