frankthedm
First Post
Does wanting to play a suicide bomber dwarf count as being a goof?
"The only honorable death is one that leaves a crater."
"The only honorable death is one that leaves a crater."
Players Who Are Just Goofs
Not in my book.
*scribbles in margins of book, "Self-Challenge #315: make & play Bloodfire Dwarf PC..."*
*scribbles in margins of book, "Self-Challenge #315: make & play Bloodfire Dwarf PC..."*
aurance
Explorer
I was playing a character in a fairly long lasting Spelljammer campaign. So the party was on a ship which belonged to another PC. Being something of an arrogant know-it-all, my dude was obnoxiously huffing and puffing at the other PCs for taking the ship through an awful battle zone, calling them fools and idiots and so forth.
Turns out by the end of the trip, the ship only sustained one bit of damage - the hole that a single cannon ball had gone through. The crew had sustained only one casualty, determined by an utterly random, open roll - my character, who got struck in the gut with that cannon ball, mid-tirade. Again, another completely open roll - maximum damage.
The other PCs looked at each other, then my guy's corpse, and said, "Huh. I guess he was right."
Turns out by the end of the trip, the ship only sustained one bit of damage - the hole that a single cannon ball had gone through. The crew had sustained only one casualty, determined by an utterly random, open roll - my character, who got struck in the gut with that cannon ball, mid-tirade. Again, another completely open roll - maximum damage.
The other PCs looked at each other, then my guy's corpse, and said, "Huh. I guess he was right."
"They couldn't hit a Giff at this dist..."*SPLAATR*
Olaf the Stout
Hero
Danny, I'm not quite sure why I found it so funny, but the entangled Harpies story really had me cracking up.
My story of "when players turn dumb" isn't really that amusing but it did nearly cause a TPK.
My group of players came up against a Red Dragon. The party was made up of 5 7th level PC's against a CR8 Dragon so the fight was always going to be challenging.
The player of the Conjurer in my group, who is normally an excellent tactician and a fairly good powergamer, made a couple of really odd choices. He wasn't the only one to do so though.
First half the group, none of which can fly, decides to charge on horseback towards the Dragon (the fight was in the open on some grassy hills) instead of waiting for the Conjurer to cast either Fly or Haste on them. Result: Char-grilled horse.
Then, when the party finally does get in range of the Dragon the Conjurer, despite having all his spells available, chooses to cast Glitterdust (a 1st level spell) on the Dragon. I can't remember what other spells he had available, but Glitterdust was definitely not the best option in this situation, especially considering the saving throw for the 1st level spell would have been close to "anything but a 1" for the Dragon. The spell failed unsurprisingly. However, even if it did succeed, I don't know how effective it would have been.
The Cleric, who also had all his spells available, follows this up with Command, another 1st level spell. Amazingly the spell works! (I think I rolled a 2 for the save) However his command was for the Dragon to land. It does so, on top of a PC who is knocked unconscious as a resut!
It gets worse as, due to being commanded to land the Dragon is then in a position to get a full attack action against another PC it was forced to land next to, who is left barely standing as a result.
After that the players finally got their act together and aided by some lucky rolls were able to take out the Dragon without any PC's dying. It was looking pretty grim for quite a while though. One more breath from the Dragon probably would have taken out most of the party in one go.
Olaf the Stout
My story of "when players turn dumb" isn't really that amusing but it did nearly cause a TPK.
My group of players came up against a Red Dragon. The party was made up of 5 7th level PC's against a CR8 Dragon so the fight was always going to be challenging.
The player of the Conjurer in my group, who is normally an excellent tactician and a fairly good powergamer, made a couple of really odd choices. He wasn't the only one to do so though.
First half the group, none of which can fly, decides to charge on horseback towards the Dragon (the fight was in the open on some grassy hills) instead of waiting for the Conjurer to cast either Fly or Haste on them. Result: Char-grilled horse.
Then, when the party finally does get in range of the Dragon the Conjurer, despite having all his spells available, chooses to cast Glitterdust (a 1st level spell) on the Dragon. I can't remember what other spells he had available, but Glitterdust was definitely not the best option in this situation, especially considering the saving throw for the 1st level spell would have been close to "anything but a 1" for the Dragon. The spell failed unsurprisingly. However, even if it did succeed, I don't know how effective it would have been.
The Cleric, who also had all his spells available, follows this up with Command, another 1st level spell. Amazingly the spell works! (I think I rolled a 2 for the save) However his command was for the Dragon to land. It does so, on top of a PC who is knocked unconscious as a resut!
It gets worse as, due to being commanded to land the Dragon is then in a position to get a full attack action against another PC it was forced to land next to, who is left barely standing as a result.
After that the players finally got their act together and aided by some lucky rolls were able to take out the Dragon without any PC's dying. It was looking pretty grim for quite a while though. One more breath from the Dragon probably would have taken out most of the party in one go.
Olaf the Stout
Happy to entertain! I'm sure that, had you been there, you probably would have been gasping for air with tears down your cheeks...like several of us.
I can almost hear that PC's muffled screams, right before he passed out!
"Gf yg fdss v mh yh scly tbolrd!"
<translation>
"Get your fat ass off of me you scaly tub of lard!"
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From the same DM and campaign as The Battle of the Brutal Slaughter of the Harpies came another classic incident.
He had our party encountering a tribe in the wilderness, and he was struggling with the Chief's welcoming speech, which had a part something like "We are a tribe of hunter-gatherers...well, more hunters than gatherers...um...well we gather a lot too..." I interrupted (mimicking his "Chief voice") with "Argh! "more hunters than gatherers?" Who wrote this speech? Bring me the royal speechwriter's head! This is CRAP!"
My shenanigans started a gigglefest that took a good 15-20 minutes to end.
*****
At a later date, we were playing RIFTS, and one player had lost track of the fact that someone else had already found what the party was looking for and was bugging out. He burst into the camp's mess hall, all fierce, black and deadly in his captured SAMAS armor...only to encounter unarmed kitchen workers. They had no clue as to what he was looking for, despite his demands and threats, backed up with displays of physical violence (breaking tables, firing his weapon, etc.) FINALLY, someone in the group got his attention and told him we had accomplished the mission and he left.
We chose that moment to break to get drinks for the kitchen, and I started with: "Imagine these guys, 10 years from now...(w/Mexican accent- we're in Texas, after all) "Miguel, Lupe and I were just minding our business, when some madman burst into the mess hall firing his big gun and making threats. We had no idea what he wanted...I think he was high!" "Yeah...maybe he had the munchies something fierce...and he was all like "Where are the Oreo Cookies? C'mon M-F! WHERE ARE THE OREO COOKIES!"
At that point, everyone lapsed into similar accents and "role-played" aspects of his attack as a stoner in SAMAS with the munchies...with him supplying the appropriately altered dialog for his PC.
We laughed like it was a Cheech and Chong movie, and didn't game for the rest of the night.
"WHERE ARE THE OREO COOKIES!" is still a show-stopper for that game group.
He had our party encountering a tribe in the wilderness, and he was struggling with the Chief's welcoming speech, which had a part something like "We are a tribe of hunter-gatherers...well, more hunters than gatherers...um...well we gather a lot too..." I interrupted (mimicking his "Chief voice") with "Argh! "more hunters than gatherers?" Who wrote this speech? Bring me the royal speechwriter's head! This is CRAP!"
My shenanigans started a gigglefest that took a good 15-20 minutes to end.
*****
At a later date, we were playing RIFTS, and one player had lost track of the fact that someone else had already found what the party was looking for and was bugging out. He burst into the camp's mess hall, all fierce, black and deadly in his captured SAMAS armor...only to encounter unarmed kitchen workers. They had no clue as to what he was looking for, despite his demands and threats, backed up with displays of physical violence (breaking tables, firing his weapon, etc.) FINALLY, someone in the group got his attention and told him we had accomplished the mission and he left.
We chose that moment to break to get drinks for the kitchen, and I started with: "Imagine these guys, 10 years from now...(w/Mexican accent- we're in Texas, after all) "Miguel, Lupe and I were just minding our business, when some madman burst into the mess hall firing his big gun and making threats. We had no idea what he wanted...I think he was high!" "Yeah...maybe he had the munchies something fierce...and he was all like "Where are the Oreo Cookies? C'mon M-F! WHERE ARE THE OREO COOKIES!"
At that point, everyone lapsed into similar accents and "role-played" aspects of his attack as a stoner in SAMAS with the munchies...with him supplying the appropriately altered dialog for his PC.
We laughed like it was a Cheech and Chong movie, and didn't game for the rest of the night.
"WHERE ARE THE OREO COOKIES!" is still a show-stopper for that game group.
ExploderWizard
Hero
Hahahaha!!! Awesome. I am sitting here in tears.
Gilladian
Adventurer
Awayyyyy back in 1e days we had a halfling (ah, heck, a hobbit thief) with a wand of wonder. Now, that's enough in a sentence to start giggles. Imagine said hobbit trapped in a triangular room no more than 10' on a side. With a minor monster of some sort, the which I can no longer remember.
He uses the wand. He rolls lightning bolt. Remember how lightning bolt bounced off walls back then? And was 60' long? I think he hit himself at least 4 times... We found his poor corpse hours later, fried to a crisp, with the monster dead at his feet. We left the wand there!
Another scenario, in a much more recent campaign, involved a catfolk rogue diving into a cenote in a temple. At the bottom were two well-macerated bodies, held down only by the nets that had been thrown in with them when they were sacrificed. The player was totally baffled when I told him his character had to make multiple rolls to avoid being sickened, avoid drowning/choking in his own vomit, and then avoid catching a disease from exposing his (open!) wounds to the toxins in the water...
He uses the wand. He rolls lightning bolt. Remember how lightning bolt bounced off walls back then? And was 60' long? I think he hit himself at least 4 times... We found his poor corpse hours later, fried to a crisp, with the monster dead at his feet. We left the wand there!
Another scenario, in a much more recent campaign, involved a catfolk rogue diving into a cenote in a temple. At the bottom were two well-macerated bodies, held down only by the nets that had been thrown in with them when they were sacrificed. The player was totally baffled when I told him his character had to make multiple rolls to avoid being sickened, avoid drowning/choking in his own vomit, and then avoid catching a disease from exposing his (open!) wounds to the toxins in the water...
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
That harpy story is pure gold.
Back in 1e, my friend really wanted to player an elven wizard in my game. He rolls it, 4d6 drop 1, and the stats were amazing: 18, 18, 17, 15, 14.. 4. Yep, three 1s and a 2. He put it in Con. "I couldn't even be an elf!" he'd complain bitterly. "My Con wasn't high enough to be an elf! I had to be a human!"
As you can imagine, Cornelius became a "hide in the back and lob spells" kind of wizard. He was 6th level before he actually tried to stab someone with a dagger, and when he did he rolled a 1. Lightning bolt became his spell of choice. What with the coughing up blood and constant anemia, he was what we'd call "fragile". Better to blast than be blasted, was his theory. One day (after being knocked unconscious in the second round of a fight) he looked up at the heavens and swore to the Gods. "I will worship," he screamed, "any God who can cure me!" He woke up the next morning with an 18 con. You should have seen his face as he tallied up his shiny new hit points! The player was so happy. Cornelius wasn't sure what God had blessed him, but he was healthy and robust and...
...until he took a single hp of damage, at which point his con dropped back to a mighty 4, and his hit points plummeted all at once. Apparently, whatever God it was had a sense of humor. When he was fully healed, he'd gain an 18 con (with accompanying system shock, etc.); he took one pt. of damage and he'd instantly drop to a 4 con. The trauma of having to mark off all those hit points (at 13th lvl the first tiny scratch inflicted +39 dmg) just for being nicked made him even more paranoid.
He died as he lived, over-reacting to panicked terror. The group was digging an opening into a hillock that they thought hid an entrance to a tomb. Suddenly the wall crumbled away and I described how they saw something big, something at least horse sized, looming in the darkness under the hill.
"Auggh!" he said, standing twenty feet away directly in front of it and obviously caught off guard. "I lightning bolt it!"
"You sure?" I asked. "It hasn't moved yet."
"Yes! You can't take chances!"
The lightning bolt went off and caught the exact middle of a heavy stone warhorse (in statue form) that had been entombed in the hill, as well as the stone wall directly behind it. Thing is, back then, lightning bolts bounced when they hit stone walls...
He rolled a 6 on his save. Took him to -13.
He was pissed.
Back in 1e, my friend really wanted to player an elven wizard in my game. He rolls it, 4d6 drop 1, and the stats were amazing: 18, 18, 17, 15, 14.. 4. Yep, three 1s and a 2. He put it in Con. "I couldn't even be an elf!" he'd complain bitterly. "My Con wasn't high enough to be an elf! I had to be a human!"
As you can imagine, Cornelius became a "hide in the back and lob spells" kind of wizard. He was 6th level before he actually tried to stab someone with a dagger, and when he did he rolled a 1. Lightning bolt became his spell of choice. What with the coughing up blood and constant anemia, he was what we'd call "fragile". Better to blast than be blasted, was his theory. One day (after being knocked unconscious in the second round of a fight) he looked up at the heavens and swore to the Gods. "I will worship," he screamed, "any God who can cure me!" He woke up the next morning with an 18 con. You should have seen his face as he tallied up his shiny new hit points! The player was so happy. Cornelius wasn't sure what God had blessed him, but he was healthy and robust and...
...until he took a single hp of damage, at which point his con dropped back to a mighty 4, and his hit points plummeted all at once. Apparently, whatever God it was had a sense of humor. When he was fully healed, he'd gain an 18 con (with accompanying system shock, etc.); he took one pt. of damage and he'd instantly drop to a 4 con. The trauma of having to mark off all those hit points (at 13th lvl the first tiny scratch inflicted +39 dmg) just for being nicked made him even more paranoid.
He died as he lived, over-reacting to panicked terror. The group was digging an opening into a hillock that they thought hid an entrance to a tomb. Suddenly the wall crumbled away and I described how they saw something big, something at least horse sized, looming in the darkness under the hill.
"Auggh!" he said, standing twenty feet away directly in front of it and obviously caught off guard. "I lightning bolt it!"
"You sure?" I asked. "It hasn't moved yet."
"Yes! You can't take chances!"
The lightning bolt went off and caught the exact middle of a heavy stone warhorse (in statue form) that had been entombed in the hill, as well as the stone wall directly behind it. Thing is, back then, lightning bolts bounced when they hit stone walls...
He rolled a 6 on his save. Took him to -13.
He was pissed.
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