Things I learned being Dylrath Birdhouse in Piratecat's game, a long time ago

[Sialia]

Was cleaning out some old files this evening and ran across the following list. I may have posted this stuff ages ago. Can't recall. Thought there might be some of you out there might find this amusing.

1. If you beat someone up, you get to keep their stuff.
2. Stay out of combat.
3. Any plan that doesn't involve rolling dice is a good plan.
4. Know your lower planes, boy.
5. No gloating before striking.
6. Never play with a magic mirror in a wild magic zone.
7. If you want to fly, practice faceplanting first.
8. Sometimes it is easier to make someone beleive that what is real is an illusion than it is to make someone believe that an illusion is real.
9. Nothing is useless.
10. "I have about ten minutes before my master finds out I'm missing" is not a good pickup line.
11. Chicks dig potted plants and personal hygiene.
12. Nothing is permanently fatal. This goes for your enemies, too.
13. Backstab, you fool.
14. Overplanning can be fatal.
15. A blind corridor is a lousy place to hide a secret door.
16. Never fall unconscious while invisible.
17. Never fire negative material energy into something that is already dead.
18. The wimpy looking guy without any weapons at the back of the crowd, hit him first.
19. If you are a fourteen year old with a charisma of 9, any girl hitting on you is up to no good.
20. Never tell someone to "bite me" unless you really, really want to get bitten.

 

[Plane Sailing]

Great list!

I was going to pick a favourite, then realised I'd got too many favourites

 

[FireLance]

3. Any plan that doesn't involve rolling dice is a good plan.

Quoted for 4E style skill challenge truthery.

 

[Henry]

Great to hear from you again, and awesome list.

Especially #18!

 

[RangerWickett]

Heh. 18 reminds me of when the DM consciously subverted this trope by having the evil cult consist of monks in robes with quarterstaffs, and wizards who carried swords, to confuse trope-savvy adventurers.

 

[Piratecat]

Remembering where these originated from is making me grin from ear to ear.

The rest of the group was about 8th level when Sialia brought in her 1st level rogue. Low wis, high dex, and full of a 12 year old's knowledge that they're always going to be immortal. Watching the rest of the group keep him alive was a joy.

 

[Piratecat]

Similarly, my rogue Dranko's old rules from Sagiro's ongoing campaign (pretty much stolen directly from Dylrath, now that I think about it.)

1. Don’t tell the guard you’re going to go with him.
2. Avoid stealing stupid things.
3. No socks in the icebox.
4. Half-orcs do NOT eat quiche.
5. Too many rats can nibble the halfling. Rat-fishing and rat sausages will never be popular.
6. Avoid the evil baker.
7. Don’t hit the monster with a bush.
8. A frontal assault is the fastest way to die.
9. Always club the mage first. <Note: party members wish the word “evil” inserted here.>
10. Heal first, chase and fight second.
11. Look at the ceiling. Yes, now!
12. Sigils are icky. Don’t read them.
13. Bad things come in big boxes.
14. Tie down the rope before jumping ship.
15. Look under the altar, or under whatever is heaviest.
16. Don’t leap the monster. Yes, even this time.
17. When given freedom, take it.
18. If you seal a room shut, search it first.
19. Don’t sass the archmage or the assassin.
20. Look both ways before crossing the carriage-way.
21. Everything is funnier with a monkey.
22. Everything is our fault.
23. Ask for stuff. You never know.
24. I take the one on the left; Morningstar gets the one on the right.
25. Three choices: “subtle”, “unsubtle”, and “stupid.”
26. Low expectations make for a happy half-orc.
27. Don’t kill your best friends by mistake.
28. Please refraining from taunting the dire bear.
29. Let Ernie offer condolences to the newly bereaved.
30. Armor makes a lousy pillow, but beholders make a worse alarm clock
31. Never sleep alone in a 10’ x 10’ room
32. Lizards are sneaky. Don’t trust them.

 

[KidCthulhu]

Yep, rule 29 for Dranko. One of my favorites. Just a reminder that the guy with the high wisdom and decent charisma should handle the delicate situations.

 

[Joshua Randall]

12. Nothing is permanently fatal. This goes for your enemies, too.
14. Overplanning can be fatal.

So overplanning can be fatal, but not permanently?

 

[Sialia]

Oh how I've missed y'all

I hadn't realized how much I missed you all until I started seeing your avatars popping up in the thread.
It's good to hear from you.

This all got kicked off because a week or two ago, Bandeeto or I made a crack about Dylrath at the dinner table (probably because one of the kids was doing some fool thing) and our ten year old (remember the Scampering Chaos?), she looks up innocently and says "Who's that?"

Through the heart, I tell you.

Straight through, out the other side, in the clean way that leaves you staring at the camera for a couple of beats while the audience knows you're slain and you don't yet.

She had no idea who Dylrath or Arcade or anybody else was. None whatsoever.

Anyway, it got us started reminiscing and digging through the old files.

She's been a patient audience with the nigh unstoppable flood of war stories, and moreso withthe painful memory gaps that leave us unable to connect the dots, or get things in sequential order.

And every couple of days she eggs us on again with something like "tell me about that Birdbath guy again."