As a player, do you have a preferred gender for your GM?

[Water Bob]

What it would tell me is that you as the DM are not going to treat me like a full fledge member of the group. That you are uncomfortable having a woman playing and that you want to treat me as special or different than everyone else at the table.

And, you would be wrong about this, too.

Once I was sure the wife knew what she was getting into, I didn't let her presence alter my game one iota.

It's because I knew I wouldn't allow a female presence to alter my game that I made sure she knew what the game would be like.

My game is akin to the Spartacus TV series. All kinds of bloody, heinous crap happens. Some people don't want to play that way--they want Lord of the Rings. And, that's fine. It's just not my game.

If she was single would you have talked directly to her?

Yes.

if the answer is yes then why would her being married make you treat her differently?

Respect. Respect for the husband and respect for her.

At the table I expect to be treated the same way everyone else is.

If I allow you in my game, you are, in deed, treated like everyone else.

By leaving out the wife, you actually trivialized her, and placed the burden of her comfort level with her husband. Not really fair to either of them. What if he had misjudged?

After the husband had spoken with her (and, from her demeanor, I think she really appreciated the way I handled it...I am a gentleman, after all), I had a few words with her in front of her husband. "He mentioned this? He mentioned that?"

She shook her head to the positive. But, by that time, it was the third time she had heard it: first from the player that brought her in; second, by her husband; and third, by those few words just before the game started with me.



I did notice that there was an uncomfortable air about the room when that game got started, and I recognized the cause, right off the bat. It was the woman in the room.

Guy will sit around the room and shoot the crap to all levels of vulgarity, but throw a woman in the room, and these vulgar apes become decent human beings.

They didn't want to play the game like that. For example, one of the players in that game liked to visit whores at the various space ports (we were playing Traveller). I noticed, that evening, that he didn't do his usual whoring bit.

It's because the woman was in the room.

After the first game session, I made a speach before we started about playing the game as we always have. Then, during the sessions, I got a bit ultra vulgar with my descriptions on purpose, to be the first to play the game like we used to.

It didn't take long before everyone slipped back into their old molds, and we all went on to enjoy a very good campaign.

 

[Elf Witch]

And, you would be wrong about this, too.

Once I was sure the wife knew what she was getting into, I didn't let her presence alter my game one iota.

It's because I knew I wouldn't allow a female presence to alter my game that I made sure she knew what the game would be like.

My game is akin to the Spartacus TV series. All kinds of bloody, heinous crap happens. Some people don't want to play that way--they want Lord of the Rings. And, that's fine. It's just not my game.







Yes.




Respect. Respect for the husband and respect for her.





If I allow you in my game, you are, in deed, treated like everyone else.









After the husband had spoken with her (and, from her demeanor, I think she really appreciated the way I handled it...I am a gentleman, after all), I had a few words with her in front of her husband. "He mentioned this? He mentioned that?"

She shook her head to the positive. But, by that time, it was the third time she had heard it: first from the player that brought her in; second, by her husband; and third, by those few words just before the game started with me.



I did notice that there was an uncomfortable air about the room when that game got started, and I recognized the cause, right off the bat. It was the woman in the room.

Guy will sit around the room and shoot the crap to all levels of vulgarity, but throw a woman in the room, and these vulgar apes become decent human beings.

They didn't want to play the game like that. For example, one of the players in that game liked to visit whores at the various space ports (we were playing Traveller). I noticed, that evening, that he didn't do his usual whoring bit.

It's because the woman was in the room.

After the first game session, I made a speach before we started about playing the game as we always have. Then, during the sessions, I got a bit ultra vulgar with my descriptions on purpose, to be the first to play the game like we used to.

It didn't take long before everyone slipped back into their old molds, and we all went on to enjoy a very good campaign.

I don't think you get where Broken Druid and I are coming from. You may think it is is a sign of respect but believe it really is not.

You are treating the woman like she is not an adult. It would have been different if you talked to both of them at the same time but that is not what you did. You talked to the big strong man so he could make a decision for the little lady. That is how it comes across.

It would be like a boss calling a husband on the phone asking if it okay to hire the wife or a doctor calling a husband and telling the husband first that there was something wrong with the wife. Stuff like that used to happen back before woman had enough and said come on treat us like the grown ups we are.

You can still be a gentleman and treat a woman as an adult.

I have been gaming for over 30 years and I can tell you that it would be offensive to me if a DM choose to talk to the man in my life instead of talking to me.

I found it rather annoying when the one woman in my game pulled the helpless female routine and had her husband complain to me about something in the game that his wife didn't like.

I have often been the only woman at the table and yes I notice that at first the guys are little inhibited with my presence until they get to know me and know that I am not a fragile female whose delicate sensibilities will be offended if they tell a dirty joke or if the game gets gritty. Then I get treated like just another player.

If you wouldn't go to a wife about the game then you should not go to a husband.

Like I said if you don't want to talk to the female player alone fine then have the husband there but don't go to the husband about the female gamer.

 

[Water Bob]

I don't think you get where Broken Druid and I are coming from. You may think it is is a sign of respect but believe it really is not.

I totally get where you and Druid are coming from. And, we have a matter of disagreement here.

But that's OK. I disagree with a lot of Lefty's. I've even dated a few.

 

[Kynn]

I guess I just don't care if the rest of you think this is sexist.

If my conduct was sexist, then we certainly need more sexism in the world.

If I had it to do over again, I'd do it the same way. And, if I were in a similar situation, I'd expect that someone to come to me first.

Think it's patronising? Think it's misogynistic. Great. I really don't care. I know I handled it the right way.

Your behavior was sexist, bragging about it sexist, and you're part of the problem with misogyny in gaming. Thank goodness that male chauvinists are the minority these days in gaming -- we HAVE come a long way, most guys aren't nearly as sexist as you are.

 

[Elf Witch]

I totally get where you and Druid are coming from. And, we have a matter of disagreement here.

But that's OK. I disagree with a lot of Lefty's. I've even dated a few.

This has nothing to do with my political leanings this has to do with treating your players at the table the same.

You throw the word respect around but you lack respect for woman. After all you don't respect that a woman can make up her own mind about what style game she wants to play in. And lets not forget you play with guys who lie to their wives about their gaming.

 

[Shemeska]

Style matters more than gender.

 

[Umbran]

I totally get where you and Druid are coming from. And, we have a matter of disagreement here.

But that's OK. I disagree with a lot of Lefty's. I've even dated a few.

And, now we've gotten both personal, and political. Awesome!

Or, you know, not awesome. Maybe the exact opposite of awesome.

Thread closed.