Funny Out of Context D&D Quotes

[Nergal Pendragon]

"Ah, yes. Finally, an edition where Nergal won't have proficiency in government workers!"

DM of face-to-face group, reading over 5E weapon proficiencies.

 

[Rune]

Sorry, Nergal's DM. Tavern Brawler grants proficiency with improvised weapons.

 

[Celebrim]

"Ah, yes. Finally, an edition where Nergal won't have proficiency in government workers!"

DM of face-to-face group, reading over 5E weapon proficiencies.

Do you normally cover them in spikes and use them as morning stars?

 

[Nergal Pendragon]

Do you normally cover them in spikes and use them as morning stars?

Only if they're halflings. Covering half-orcs or dragonborn in spikes is too expensive.

 

[Rune]

Hmm. Half-Orc beurocrats. That could be interesting. Kind of like Vogons, I imagine.

 

[Nergal Pendragon]

They make excellent tax collectors!

 

[Rune]

I hear their poetry is pretty good, too. No, terrible. Maybe it was terrible. It's hard to say, since there are no survivers' accounts.

 

[YourSwordIsMine]

I hear their poetry is pretty good, too. No, terrible. Maybe it was terrible. It's hard to say, since there are no survivers' accounts.

or surviving accountants

 

[ranger69]

Years ago in a game I DM'd, a character was seeking information in a run down part of the city.

"Come over here boy, do you want a sweetie."

He was assaulted by mothers wielding brooms, whilst a shout went up for the local mafia.
He survived....just.

 

[Razjah]

Human Ranger: singing "Desecrating dead bodies! Desecrating dead bodies! Desecrating dead bodies- cause the gods don't really exist!"