Consent in Gaming - Free Guidebook

[Campbell]

As I see this what's really at stake are what a given player who joins a group is allowed to expect or even if they are allowed to have any meaningful expectations at all. Personally I expect any group of people that I am involved in a social activity with to take my desires and feelings into account to a certain extent. That might mean I am not a good fit for some groups. I do not expect anyone to change the way they do things, but if I do not feel valued and respected I will seek out a situation where I do. In return I will value and respect everyone else at the table.

There are a million things that might make someone a bad fit for any group. This sort of thing is just one of them. At the end of the day no one is entitled to anything, but we all get to determine our own personal boundaries.

 

[Wolfpack48]

As I see this what's really at stake are what a given player who joins a group is allowed to expect or even if they are allowed to have any meaningful expectations at all. Personally I expect any group of people that I am involved in a social activity with to take my desires and feelings into account to a certain extent. That might mean I am not a good fit for some groups. I do not expect anyone to change the way they do things, but if I do not feel valued and respected I will seek out a situation where I do. In return I will value and respect everyone else at the table.

There are a million things that might make someone a bad fit for any group. This sort of thing is just one of them. At the end of the day no one is entitled to anything, but we all get to determine our own personal boundaries.

Well said. If there’s one thing I would want to take away from this thread, it’s that no one is entitled to control a group, but everyone is entitled to their own boundaries. This whole discussion is about respecting people’s boundaries, and working together to find a path that makes gaming enjoyable for as many people as possible.

 

[MGibster]

Sure. Again: the point is you don’t spring it on the player mid-game.

If someone has arachnophobia it is their responsibility to inform the DM that spiders are a problem.

 

[billd91]

I've only read the last few pages of the thread, but I have to wonder why someone so easily traumatized by violence would play a violent game like D&D. I have a fear of heights and I guarantee you that you won't see me scaling a cliff. It seems to me that people would avoid things that are likely to trigger their traumas.

Do you play certain platformers on a game system like the Assassin's Creed games or some of the Spider-Man games? There are some situations where the graphics do immerse you in a view that's vertiginous, to say the least - some very high cathedrals, towers, ship masts in Assassin's Creed, the Empire State Building in at least one Spider-Man. Would you play them and just not engage in those particular challenges if they bothered you? Or would you skip those games altogether?

Being afraid of heights and avoiding games that include views that could trigger it is a more reasonable comparison than being afraid of heights and scaling a cliff.

 

[billd91]

Frankly, both evileyore and Celebrim's characterization of people with mental issues as 'problem players' sound exactly like 'they don't care about people.' After all, that person is the same as someone who "cheats, tells other people how to play their character, or holds abusive tirades." They fall into the "source of disruption" bucket. Let's call a spade, a spade shall we?

I agree in this case. I do agree, however, that Hussar's characterization of playing a game that will leave a player behind as somehow uncaring is a bit broad. Granted, I think there was more nuance in the rest of his post on that topic, but it's going to depend from group to group. If members of the gaming group are OK with not participating in a game they don't like and will come back when the group shifts to the next game, then it's all good. When my friends want to play Vampire, I'm OK with having my Thursday nights free for a while because I don't like the game. It doesn't affect our friendship or our other gaming opportunities and it won't affect my coming back when the urge to play Vampire has been sated and we pick up D&D, Shadowrun, or Mutants and Masterminds again.

 

[MGibster]

Fair enough. We’re going in circles. I think it’s a good policy to make sure everyone at the table is comfortable. I think it’s reasonable to make accommodations in some situations whereas in others it would be unreasonable. I also believe the responsibility of stating what shouldn’t appear in the game rests with those who know they have issues with some things. And I guess that’s it.

 

[Bawylie]

If a player comes to you and says ‘I’m sorry, the game can’t have spiders,’ civility demands that you respect the player’s boundaries and remove spiders from your game.

No. Civility demands that you listen compassionately and respond honestly.

Consent can’t be a demand. It’s a request or an offer. If it imposes, if it becomes involuntary, it is NOT consent.

So there is no veto power. There’s an honest discussion that reaches mutually agreed-on terms, or doesn’t. And if it doesn’t, then it’s on each party to decide how they wish to proceed or if they want to proceed at all.

If you are unwilling to accommodate me, I have no right to demand or force you to. If I am unwilling to accommodate you, you have no right to demand or force me to. We just go our separate ways (and no hard feelings on my part either way).

 

[macd21]

I think the dynamic is totally different depending on gaming with friends or random people. Most are far more likely to accommodate those they know.

I don’t think it should be. If you’re gaming with a stranger, I think you should extend them the same courtesy you would a friend.

 

[BookBarbarian]

So I was thinking on how I could approach these topics at my table as I find the form doesn't quite work for me.

I think I will come up with a questionnaire. Not something to hand to my players, but something I can go over with them one on one with questions like "Are there any topics you would consider distasteful or problematic to explore in the game?" "Any phobias you would prefer not to explore?" etc.

I wouldn't expect a player to open up to me just based on this discussion, but it would frame up further conversations down the road when we encounter problems.

 

[Celebrim]

My fiancée and I got into a real argument talking about this issue (and thread) last night. It's a pretty divisive issue.

If I ever get finished writing out my pamphlet on formal social contracts, one note of caution that I intend to put in, is the very act of formalizing social contracts can get you into arguments that otherwise would have never actually come up.