How to avoid RPG dumpster fires like the Far Verona controversy

[LordEntrails]

I used to think most RPG horror stories were fake, because there's no way people would behave that way in front of people, right? Some would have to be true-ish, but they can't be that bad. But then it happened to me when I was playing a female character, a year into a campaign, and even though I said outside of the game, "Hey dawg, I'm not down with anything that's going on here," the DM just kind of laughed me off. And it's strange. The most strange. It's completely disarming to be ignored in a situation like that, and it felt like the social tools I had at hand weren't enough, and I couldn't think of any solution except escalating the situation into an argument — which I didn't do.

Unrelated, but.. A few months later I brought a female character to a one-shot, and I was last in the order of people describing and introducing their characters. When the first guy described his character as womanizer who would sleep with anyone, I changed the gender of my character last-minute. And then I realised that heaps of women in real life don't have that option and are forced to navigate social mindfields layed by entitled creeps. It was a real valuable experience.

I've never doubted the stories. Guess its not in me to not take people at face value.

I can only speculate what goes through someone's mind when they are confronted about there behavior and they fail to change it in the moment.

And you are right about women and the minefields they have to navigate. I can understand or sympathize with it intellectually. But, again "I'm lucky" and have not had to experience such social ... crap and therefore I can't really emotionally empathize. Entitled? Fortunate? Both I guess.

 

[Aldarc]

No, that's the exact opposite of what I did. What I actually argued is that things could in fact be a very big deal, even if no one was actually triggered in a clinical sense.

Your characterization of what I wrote is libelous.

Except that is not libelous in a legal sense.

 

[Celebrim]

Except that is not libelous in a legal sense.

Written defamation of character? It would be if he put it on the front page.

 

[hawkeyefan]

Adam has always struck me as a great DM who puts A LOT of thought into his craft, he's actually spoken, quite extensively, about how to avoid the very thing that happened!

To summarize:

A (female) player's Male PC android is injured and goes to a mechanic he knows/trusts to fix him up. The mechanic instead isolates him from the rest of the group and sexually assaults him through essentially plugging him into a machine and simulating a sex act(sorry I'm being a bit vague - not 100% sure of the rules for this on this forum).

The incident seemed very premeditated and planned out by Adam - he was giggling and laughing throughout, like he thought it was a big joke. The players (especially the one this was happening to) appeared shocked and uncomfortable, like they were clearly NOT expecting this scenario.

Thanks for summarizing for me. The limited clip I saw didn't really contextualize all of that.

I suppose that he thought the fact that it was an android and wasn't what we'd consider a traditional or standard act that maybe it was different? I'm not familiar with the setting, so I suppose I don't grasp all the specifics of what it means to be an android.

Or maybe that the PC was a male? There can be a bit of a double standard in views on this topic in that regard.

Either way, it seems like a pretty obvious mistake that I'm surprised he made it. And that he did so while thinking it was funny or edgy.

It is just shocking to me that a DM of Adam's experience and (apparent) awareness would pull something like this. It's pretty simple, if such a controversial scenario hasn't been discussed and expressly ok'd - JUST DON"T DO IT.

Yeah, for sure.....I'm really surprised. Definitely a big mistake to make, and by someone I'd not expect to make it.

 

[Aldarc]

Written defamation of character? It would be if he put it on the front page.

So it wasn't libel? Glad we agree.

 

[billd91]

I suppose that he thought the fact that it was an android and wasn't what we'd consider a traditional or standard act that maybe it was different? I'm not familiar with the setting, so I suppose I don't grasp all the specifics of what it means to be an android.

Or maybe that the PC was a male? There can be a bit of a double standard in views on this topic in that regard.

Yeah, that's a good question and I haven't sought out DM's response to see if he tried to explain why he thought it might be acceptable. My speculation might include the fact that, as an android upgrade, it was triggered as a primarily mental effect rather than based on a physical, non-consensual interaction. Neither would be acceptable without approval - but the former is a step less obvious than the latter.

 

[Morrus]

Written defamation of character? It would be if he put it on the front page.

Given these pseudo-legal threats against other participants in the conversation, you now need to leave this thread, please.

 

[Gradine]

I don't mean to be dismissive of the topic, but I do not believe that anyone in the year 2020-- any internet celebrity-- does not understand that what he did was wrong, or does not understand why. Nobody needs help navigating the calm blue ocean to avoid this "mistake", because it isn't a mistake and framing it as one prevents us from understanding the nature of the problem.

The problem is that he made a conscious decision, sustained over a period of time against the objections of everyone whose objections should have mattered, and then "apologized" for being just too goddamned cool for everyone who had a problem with it.

The problem is not that gamers don't know not to do this, the problem is that gamers don't know what to do with people who do it anyway.

This is the salient point that I think got lost in the "how common is this?"questions and the intentionally disruptive pedantic hairsplitting that have dragged this thread along so far.

I also think that the less important question is "how do we react as a community after the fact with the people who do it anyway"; Adam's response, after his initial non-apology, is pretty textbook "this is exactly what you should do" and more folks should be encouraged/funneled into that path.

I think the most important question, from a practical advice standpoint, is "what do we do with the people who do it anyway right in front of us?" I humbly submit that everyone should familiarize themselves with Bystander Invention. Not everyone is going to be comfortable intervening in every situation, but it usually doesn't take to much to step in on behalf of somebody being targeted.

Here's a pretty decent resource; it's not perfect but it's a pretty good resources on basic tips and tools on how to intervene, and I think it all applies just as well to "my DM is sexually assaulting my friend's character" as any other instance of harassment.

 

[Mort]

This is the salient point that I think got lost in the "how common is this?"questions and the intentionally disruptive pedantic hairsplitting that have dragged this thread along so far.

I also think that the less important question is "how do we react as a community after the fact with the people who do it anyway"; Adam's response, after his initial non-apology, is pretty textbook "this is exactly what you should do" and more folks should be encouraged/funneled into that path.

I think the most important question, from a practical advice standpoint, is "what do we do with the people who do it anyway right in front of us?" I humbly submit that everyone should familiarize themselves with Bystander Invention. Not everyone is going to be comfortable intervening in every situation, but it usually doesn't take to much to step in on behalf of somebody being targeted.

Here's a pretty decent resource; it's not perfect but it's a pretty good resources on basic tips and tools on how to intervene, and I think it all applies just as well to "my DM is sexually assaulting my friend's character" as any other instance of harassment.

Thanks for the link, It's one of those things one hopes to never need but definitely should read/familiarize oneself with anyway!

As for "right in front of us..." that's why this was so shocking. Apparently this group has logged more than 90 hours already -and the group chemistry/dynamic was pretty good. I've seen many of Adam's DM livestreams (I really need to find a better can't sleep mechanism!) and even with full warning - this was just a massive surprise. The players were clearly floored too - you can see the shock/discomfort but also see that none of them had any idea what to do.

They clearly trusted Adam as the GM and that worked against them here!

 

[Celebrim]

So it wasn't libel? Glad we agree.

No we didn't agree. Something can be libelous without meeting the high standards of what can be proven in court.