I saw something last night which was pretty upsetting, and i feel a need to talk about it. Maybe my opinion here could've just been a reddit post or a series of tweets, but I make videos, so I'm making a video about it instead. Here's a trigger warning though: in this video we're talking about sexual assault and we're using some angry words, so get your boots on. If any of this doesn't sit well with you, that's totally fair enough and I'd encourage you to skip this video. Also, to any kids watching and to my nieces and nephews - you're not allowed to watch this one, and that's not a joke my dudes, close this tab.
Please do not contact any of the people involved in the situation we're about to talk about — I'm sure everybody has got enough on their plate without being swamped by messages. My goal is not to drag anybody involved through personal attacks, I'm just trying to work out what the hell happened and pinpoint how the -expl- christ it was allowed to happen, with the goal of preventing it in other games.
So here it is: Far Verona has been cancelled because the game master described a scene where a non-player character sexually assaulted a player's character. This video your guide about how to not -expl- do that as a game masters and, for players, how to protect yourself from this particular species of RPG dumpster fire.
We'll watch a 5-second clip, but I'm not going to describe or show the explicit part of the actual scene, because it's actually irrelevant to the subject of this video. It's sufficient to say that on a narrative level, the player's character did not consent to anything sexual in the scene, and on a meta level, the player as a person did not consent to roleplay a sexual scene. This video is entirely focused on the players and the dungeon master, not the characters.
But we DO need a little context about the mood around the table. So take a look at the body language of the players and the game master in this short clip:
Keep that clip in mind throughout this video, because we're going to revisit it.
So here are two uncontroversial facts about roleplaying:
Fact #1 about roleplaying: Roleplaying involves a social contract between every player, including the game master, based on trust.
What I mean by this is, when roleplaying, you temporarily put your inhibitions aside and sometimes put yourself in vulnerable situations — you let yourself as a real-life person be silly, be scared, be unguarded — and you TRUST the other players and game master to reward you for that vulnerability, not exploit it, and the other players and game master trust YOU to do the same.
So let's you and I be speak precisely to what might be included in universal a social contract for TTRPGs.
How about this for a foundation:
"We are all acting in good faith."
"We respect each other's boundaries."
For me, if anyone were to break one of those simple, social expectations, I would consider
not playing with them. Because this whole imaginary house of cards, this very vulnerable and valuable roleplaying space is supported by mutual trust, and when a person violates that fundamental trust, that's a red flag so big you could see it from space.
Fact #2 about roleplaying: The game master has more more POWER than the players.
What I mean by POWER is, their ability to affect the game. A player only controls their one character, and that character is the only tool that player has to directly affect the game's story and tone. Outside the game, a player could petition a game master to affect the game's content, but regardless, the game master has complete autonomy. As long as a person is agreeing to be a player, that player is subjecting themselves to the unilateral decisions of the game master, whom the players have to trust will uphold that social contract mentioned earlier. Given that power dynamic, I think the game master has a greater responsibility to wield their power compassionately.
In this instance, the game master of Far Verona failed in both of these aspects. So let's look at what went wrong and how you can avoid a similar -expl- as a game master.
Here, watch the clip again, look at everyone's body language:
The first problem is, 1) This game master seems unaware he's violating the social contract because he isn't listening to his players.
Watching this clip, I see a disconnect in experiences around the table. The game master is laughing, but what he's missed is that every player has it plainly written on their face, in their body language, in the moment of realising the direction this scene is headed, they are communicating to him their discomfort or their confusion or their anger. And the game master is the only person laughing. He isn't paying enough attention to the players at the table. He hasn't noticed how badly he's betraying their trust and their vulnerability.
As a game master, if your intent is to protect the social contract and avoid an RPG dumpster fire, you need to listen to your players. Sometimes players don't vocalise their discomfort — and that's OK, because part of your job is to activate those empathetic superpowers, read that body language, recognise when a player disengages or goes non-verbal.
If you're paying proper attention and you get the impression any of your players are upset, this is your opportunity to pause the game and ask THE PLAYERS, not the characters, how they're feeling, to check whether they're OK. And if they're NOT OK, if the situation is not OK, stop the session, maybe schedule a discussion about personal boundaries, maybe revisit and re-up on your session zero.
The second problem is, 2) This game master is abusing the inherent power of his role as game master and steamrolling player autonomy.
From what one of the players said about this situation, it was game master's deliberate, pre-meditated intention to tell this kind of story. This is not an improvised story arc. The decision to include this HEAVY subject-matter was made privately by one person: the game master, even though the decision to include this HEAVY subject-matter affects the whole group.
Hey, here's a quick question: what kind of unholy -expl- idea is it to include HEAVY content without warning your players first?
If you blindside your players, you might be ambushing them with an RPG dumpster fire. The only time players get to affect the themes in the game is when the game master shares their power and supplies the players with the mechanical tools to do so. I'm no expert on this, but the free Consent in Gaming supplement has like a dozen expert suggestions, and one of the might be right for your group. And remember, the purpose of these tools in this particular context to protect the players - not the characters - from the game master's unfettered power, especially when dealing with HEAVY subjects.
If you're not sure whether something is a HEAVY subject that warrants checking with your players, that means you should probably check with your players.
In general, the elite four of HEAVY subjects are:
- any word ending in -ism
- any sexual content
- any extreme violence
- the classic phobias
So what about players? If you're a player and you find yourself in a situation like this, I want you to flashback to this video and consider this advice. Here's what you could do:
1) It's OK if you can't, but if you can, speak up and stop play. If it's targeted up at another player, speak up and stop play on their behalf. This is an out-of-game problem with an out-of-game solution.
2) If the offending player or game master doesn't respect your autonomy as player and a person and ignores your complaint, leave the campaign. You don't even need to explain yourself if you don't want to.
I was in a similar situation as a player, where my character was the target of unwanted sexual attention, and in retrospect I think I should have left immediately. Here's a link to that video for context.
Situations like this Far Verona situation in any gaming group belie a fundamental disrespect for players and a complete failure of leadership on the game master's part. The social contract in these groups means the game master has most responsibility as a leader at the table to listen to the players, to elevate the players, to protect the players. And it is no small feat to -expl- the bed this -expl- badly.
Some people watching me right now might misunderstand what I'm saying, maybe thinking I'm attacking the idea of including ANY sexual content in a game. But I need to clarify: That's not what I'm saying. If you're interested in sexy roleplay, the Critical Success podcast has a great guide on a respectful way to approach it, which is linked below. Although it's not really my thing, some people might enjoy roleplaying in that magical realm, but in this instance we're talking about a criminal realm. I'm not attacking sexy themes, I am attacking themes relating to sexual assault in Table Top RPGs. And if anyone watching thinks it's at all justifiable to include a sexual predator character in a game, especially without unanimous consent, what are you doing? Piss off. Unsubscribe. My anti-sex-pest stance is a hill i'm willing to die on.
The last time I talked about something like this, I got a lot of really -expl- comments. So in this case, here's your forewarning: relating to this Far Verona situation, I will delete any comments that devolve into personal attacks against the players, the game master or me. I'm not linking to any profiles or anything said by the players or game master — do not contact them.
I hope everybody involved in Far Verona isn't damaged too badly by this absolute monster turd of situation, and I hope it can serve as an example of why we all need to be compassionate to our fellow players and game masters, so we can continue being excellent and adventurous and vulnerable. Mental health support links in the description down below.
