Why players misbehave (from a teacher's perspective)

[BookTenTiger]

The thread on players who do not buy into a campaign made me think of reasons people misbehave.

I teach 3rd Grade, and I've realized over time that a D&D group and a classroom are actually very similar! In the classroom, there are four major reasons students misbehave. I have a theory that these are the same reasons players misbehave.

Before I go into these reasons, let's define "misbehavior" in an RPG context.

To me, a player (or GM) misbehaving means they are acting against the general purpose of playing a game together. That is, they are acting against the group of humans sitting at the table (or the computer screen). This often looks like:

Acting out of turn.

Teasing other players.

Cheating.

Temper tantrums.

Getting angry at other players or events in the game.

Not wanting to play.

Playing in a style opposed by the group.

And many more!

Now there are a lot of threads about nightmare players or nightmare DMs. These threads often ask for advice on what to do after the session. In teaching, we say that no misbehavior can be fixed after it has occurred- you can't go back in time! But a band-aid can be applied in the moment, and proactive measures can be taken to help curb or prevent misbehaviors in the future.

So in this thread I am going to list the four major reasons behind player misbehaviors, and what they look like at the table. I would love to foster discussion on how these misbehaviors can be treated in the moment (a band-aid solution), and what can be done before the next session (proactive solution)!

Reasons Players (and GMs) Misbehave:

1. Need for Attention

What it looks like: Player talks out of turn, player's character needs to be center of story, player interrupts, player's character causes problems and conflicts outside of main storyline.

Why it's a problem: RPGs are collaborative games, and work best when attention, storylines, and time are divided equitably between all involved.

2. Need for Control

What it looks like: Players tells others how to run their characters, player min-maxes to "break" the game, player cheats on dice rolls or bonuses, player tantrums after "losing" a roll or conflict, player disengages from storyline, player's character doesn't match campaign...

Why it's a problem: RPGs tend to have strict rules about what different players can and cannot control; this separates if from the genre of collaborative storytelling and makes it more of a game. Players who cannot give up that control impact the role of an RPG as a game.

3. Perceived Incompetence

What it looks like: Player gives up on turn ("I don't know, I don't do anything"), player "forgets" the rules, player suddenly struggles to add numbers, player accuses others or GM of cheating...

Why it's a problem: RPGs can be pretty complicated, and players who feel like they cannot grasp the rules often feel as if the game, or other players, have an advantage over them, and may act out because of that.

4. Revenge

What it looks like: Players attacking other PCs, players teasing other players or GM, players insulting other Players, GM, or the campaign between sessions, players insulting campaign during session, players leaving early, players not following courtesy rules at table...

Why it's a problem: RPGs are a social game, and social conflicts outside of the campaign cannot be ignored in order for the game to function.


So what do you think? Are there more reasons why players (and GMs) misbehave? What are some band-aid solutions when you recognize this happening at the table? What are some proactive solutions that can be done between sessions?

 

[Jd Smith1]

Kick out the offenders. My game nights are for entertainment, not addressing the social interaction shortcomings of adults.

 

[BookTenTiger]

Kick out the offenders. My game nights are for entertainment, not addressing the social interaction shortcomings of adults.

If you kicked out every player who ever misbehaves you wouldn't have anyone left to play with!

Don't tell me even your favorite players have never sought attention or control!

 

[Jd Smith1]

If you kicked out every player who ever misbehaves you wouldn't have anyone left to play with!

Don't tell me even your favorite players have never sought attention or control!

My players are adults.

Back in the 80s, I didn't have the vetting options I have had in the last couple decades, and I encountered people who didn't mesh. but I just kicked them.

The first, and greatest, criteria for a player is the social contract: show up on time, be involved, keep it within the lines.

In any case, my group is motivated by four basic principles: spite, greed, petty-mindedness, and irrational affections for inconsequential NPCs. They operate off a common page. I keep the campaign geared towards their interests, and aside from the farting and verbal vulgarity & abuse, the table hums along smoothly.

 

[zarionofarabel]

I run TTRPGs, not therapy sessions. If a player wants therapy they can pay me for it. Apparently shrinks make alot of money. I know mine does cause I know how much I pay her.

 

[Wasteland Knight]

If you kicked out every player who ever misbehaves you wouldn't have anyone left to play with!

Don't tell me even your favorite players have never sought attention or control!

Not true in my experience. I only play with adults who act like mature, responsible adults. Expectations are clearly communicated, differences of opinion are respectfully voiced/heard, snd in the very rare event of a real disagreement, it can usually be handled in private.

Any player who continues disruptive behavior past the frank discussion phase is simply no longer a part of the group.

I work a lot of hours every week and I’m glad I’m in the situation where I can take a half day a week to enjoy this hobby. I have no desire to spend any of it teaching someone how to behave like an adult.

 

[BookTenTiger]

Well folks, keep in mind this is from a teacher perspective! Perhaps being around kids all day allows me to see the misbehaving kid in every adult!

I'm going to start posting ideas of how to solve these problems for those interested. For those with perfectly behaved players who literally never do anything wrong, turn back now!!! Last warning!!!

1. Need for Attention

What it looks like: Player talks out of turn, player's character needs to be center of story, player interrupts, player's character causes problems and conflicts outside of main storyline.

Why it's a problem: RPGs are collaborative games, and work best when attention, storylines, and time are divided equitably between all involved.

Solutions:

In the moment: Try giving the player a job, such as initiative tracker. Ask the player to contribute by adding description to a scene. Redirect the player's comments towards the focus of the scene ("As Jeff the Wizard, once again, tries to pick the pocket of the sleeping guard, he notices that near the guard is the lever for the porticullis...")

Before next session: Take a look at your current adventure, and think about how it can be adjusted to involve or engage the player's character more. Create a permanent player job (setting up the battlemap, tracking initiative, keeping a log). Encourage the player to use their character to engage other characters in dialogue or scenes in order to share focus.

 

[Shiroiken]

Something else that should be taken into consideration, is that some players/DMs really are just jerks (like some kids IMO). I've played with 3 different players whose primary enjoyment of a session was ruining it for everyone else. While they also fit into these categories, two of the three were quite deliberate so. One was the "Chaotic Chaotic" who always just did stuff because it would upset everyone else, which he got sadistic glee from. Another was strategically incompetent (not perceived, as he was also a GM) who obstinately refused to participate in certain aspects of the game. Finally, one was an absolute sociopath who felt his job as a player was to utterly ruin the DM's campaign (and everyone else's fun), which might be either control or revenge, depending on how you look at it. Fortunately as we've gotten older, our group has gotten a lot more selective on who we game with, and I no longer have to deal with such people.

If you kicked out every player who ever misbehaves you wouldn't have anyone left to play with!

Don't tell me even your favorite players have never sought attention or control!

I think there's a significant difference between an occasional lapse and a problem player. Reading over it, as a player I occasionally have a "control" issue when I know another player has an ability that would be useful. Largely my reasoning to make sure they haven't forgotten it, but it can often be misconstrued. Conversely, we used to game with a guy who'd regularly get upset when someone didn't make the "optimal" play (in his opinion). We no longer game with the other guy, but other than the rare reprimand no one has any issue with me.

 

[prabe]

I think there's a significant difference between an occasional lapse and a problem player. Reading over it, as a player I occasionally have a "control" issue when I know another player has an ability that would be useful. Largely my reasoning to make sure they haven't forgotten it, but it can often be misconstrued. Conversely, we used to game with a guy who'd regularly get upset when someone didn't make the "optimal" play (in his opinion). We no longer game with the other guy, but other than the rare reprimand no one has any issue with me.

I suspect there's probably a tonal difference, as well, if the guy you don't game with anymore actually got "upset." People react less well to anger/snark than they do to a reasonably kind reminder. I have a bit of a tendency to remember people's abilities, myself, though I try more to predict them than to control them.

 

[BookTenTiger]

2. Need for Control

What it looks like: Players tells others how to run their characters, player min-maxes to "break" the game, player cheats on dice rolls or bonuses, player tantrums after "losing" a roll or conflict, player disengages from storyline, player's character doesn't match campaign...

Why it's a problem: RPGs tend to have strict rules about what different players can and cannot control; this separates if from the genre of collaborative storytelling and makes it more of a game. Players who cannot give up that control impact the role of an RPG as a game.

Solutions:

In the moment: Ask the player to revoice their ideas through their character rather than out of character. If the player is struggling to feel control over the rules ("I don't know how my character can do this..."), switch from a rules-first narration to a description-first narration. If the player is struggling to communicate what they want ("I want to persuade him but I don't know what to say..."), switch from a description-first narration to a rules-first narration. Ask the player to describe a scene, track initiative, or draw a map.

Before next session: Reinforce or re-examine expectations of group dynamics; do players want advice from each other during combat? Be willing to compromise on your vision of the campaign if the player is interested in something different. Be more transparent about "behind the scenes" rules and systems, such as clarifying how XP is calculated, or rolling dice in player view. Ask the player to set out some story goals for their character's narrative arc, design an interesting NPC, or come up with descriptions or maps for upcoming towns and locations.