Domains of Shadow: Requesting Criticism for an Original System

[Nathan C.]

Domains of Shadow is Tabletop Roleplaying System that was specifically designed to create stories that would be streamed to a larger audience. It was based on some observations I had while playing in and watching actual plays for other TTRPSs, where I recognized potential in them to become a professional form of the theatre arts. Thus, Domains of Shadow is intended to avoid the need for excessively long amounts of time to tell a complex story, frequent out-of-character talk, and an awkward flow due to a focus on minute details, all of which have a tendency to show up in other systems and make them unenjoyable to a large audience. To serve these ends, Domains of Shadow has a focus on cinematic pacing, dramatic effect, player agency, and streamlined rules. As the name implies, the system is oriented towards the genres of traditional 19th Century Gothic Horror and Shakespearean Tragedy.

I do not plan on making a profit of off this system and will be giving everyone free access to it. Here is a link to the third draft of the Guidebook for Domains of Shadow. Here is a changelog detailing the changes made between the drafts. And here is the Character Sheet.

The purpose of this thread is to discuss the flaws in this system and how it can be improved. Any kind of analysis or criticism you have are appreciated. I want this to be a well made system that will serve its intended purpose, so negative criticisms and comments on what could be improved are especially valued. When giving analysis, please keep in mind that Domains of Shadow is meant to tell stories that would be streamed. Building a dramatic and interesting story is its main goal, and competition and strategy are barely a concern in this system at all.

If you wish to actually play some sessions on this system over the next few months, you can join the following Discord Server. Criticism from people who haven't played the game is just as welcome as well, though.

 

[John Dallman]

You need a copy-editor. The current text is rather hard work to read, which I suspect is why you aren't getting much feedback. Get it overhauled and made more readable.

 

[Nathan C.]

You need a copy-editor. The current text is rather hard work to read, which I suspect is why you aren't getting much feedback. Get it overhauled and made more readable.

I had a feeling this might be the case. I don't exactly have a dedicated partner on this project, nor enough spare money to pay a copy-editor, but I will work to find something. Will make a second post when the second draft is done, but that will not be for some months. Could you give a few sentences to describe what grammar issues are giving you the most trouble?

 

[John Dallman]

Domains of Shadow is a tabletop roleplaying system that was designed based on observations made while playing in and viewing productions of other tabletop roleplaying systems.

A long sentence, which does not flow nicely. "Productions" is not a natural word for game sessions, and the repetition of the three-word phrase "tabletop roleplaying systems" really weights the sentence down.

There is a potential in these systems to become not just games, but an actual form of theatre arts that is broadcast to a wide audience and discussed as a genuine form of fine arts.

Long sentence, pretentious language, and a claim that, as a role-player of 41 years experience, I find very doubtful.

Unfortunately, this potential is often not recognized because tabletop roleplaying games are prone to requiring excessive amounts of time to tell an elaborate story, frequent immersion breaking out-of-character talk, and an awkward and stilted flow that focuses on minute details.

A really long and turgid sentence, lots of jargon, and what seems to me like a fallacious argument. When gamers focus on details, it's usually because they don't understand the events that the GM is trying to portray, and they ask about the thing that makes the least sense to them.

Domains of Shadow is a tabletop roleplaying system which was meant to address these problems.

A short sentence, but it's spoiled by having the same three-word phrase again.

Most of the ideas behind the system where not entirely of my own creativity, and are instead inspired by elements of other tabletop roleplaying games such ...

Spelling error "where" should be "were". Grammar error, should be "of my own creation" rather than "of my own creativity". Unnecessarily complex sentence construction. If you put the list of game titles in alphabetical order, it will read more smoothly. You need to acknowledge all the games' trademarks.

Here's a re-written version:

Domains of Shadow is a tabletop roleplaying game (TTRPG) with a new purpose. It tries to provide entertainment to spectators, as well as participants. To do this, it concentrates on keeping the story flowing, and maintaining the participants' interest. Normal TTRPGs are prone to slow pacing, frequent halts and too much concentration on details for spectators to be able to treat them as improvised theatre.

Most of the game's ideas were inspired by other TTRPGs, including Call of Cthulhu, Dungeons and Dragons, Never Going Home, Paranoia, Ten Candles, Unhallowed Metropolis, the World of Darkness family, and, most importantly, Fiasco.

 

[Nathan C.]

A long sentence, which does not flow nicely. "Productions" is not a natural word for game sessions, and the repetition of the three-word phrase "tabletop roleplaying systems" really weights the sentence down.

Long sentence, pretentious language, and a claim that, as a role-player of 41 years experience, I find very doubtful.

A really long and turgid sentence, lots of jargon, and what seems to me like a fallacious argument. When gamers focus on details, it's usually because they don't understand the events that the GM is trying to portray, and they ask about the thing that makes the least sense to them.

A short sentence, but it's spoiled by having the same three-word phrase again.

Spelling error "where" should be "were". Grammar error, should be "of my own creation" rather than "of my own creativity". Unnecessarily complex sentence construction. If you put the list of game titles in alphabetical order, it will read more smoothly. You need to acknowledge all the games' trademarks.

Here's a re-written version:

Domains of Shadow is a tabletop roleplaying game (TTRPG) with a new purpose. It tries to provide entertainment to spectators, as well as participants. To do this, it concentrates on keeping the story flowing, and maintaining the participants' interest. Normal TTRPGs are prone to slow pacing, frequent halts and too much concentration on details for spectators to be able to treat them as improvised theatre.

Most of the game's ideas were inspired by other TTRPGs, including Call of Cthulhu, Dungeons and Dragons, Never Going Home, Paranoia, Ten Candles, Unhallowed Metropolis, the World of Darkness family, and, most importantly, Fiasco.

I can see what you saying now. I might have gone overboard with the lofty marketing language and lost sight of what I was really trying to get at. I will do some more advertising and playtesting and see if anyone else is interested enough in the system to do some bits of editing.

As for your second comment, I am well aware that this project is highly experimental. I understand that my goals for increasing the popularity of actual plays as a form of entertainment will probably not be achieved by me. In all honesty, I am more hoping that some TTRPG Company with a lot more resources than I catches a whiff of Domains of Shadow and decides to create something even better, but even that is a stretch. However, if these goals are ever to be achieved, then someone has to put the idea out there, and no one else is taking that first step. Innovation is never as easy or quick as the enterprising language portrays it to be, but that doesn't mean innovation doesn't happen.

 

[John Dallman]

However, if these goals are ever to be achieved, then someone has to put the idea out there, and no one else is taking that first step. Innovation is never as easy or quick as the enterprising language portrays it to be, but that doesn't mean innovation doesn't happen.

Oh, indeed. The thing I found deeply implausible was "discussed as a genuine form of fine arts".

 

[Nathan C.]

Oh, indeed. The thing I found deeply implausible was "discussed as a genuine form of fine arts".

I think they certainly could be, one day (though I find the word "genuine" was overkill as well). We're already seeing people give more thought to video games, which are roughly about as old as TTRPGs. And at the end of the day TTRPGs, depending on how they are done, still share more than a few similarities with existing forms of theatre and film, which already are held in high regard. Actual Plays are far from the most popular source of entertainment, but they are definitely expanding in demand. Does that mean TTRPGs will likely reach that status our lifetimes? Doubtful, but as I stated before, someone has to take the first step for it to happen.

 

[Fenris-77]

Oh, indeed. The thing I found deeply implausible was "discussed as a genuine form of fine arts".

There are schools of thought that includes TTRPGs and especially LARPs as a thing that can be called art. The Turku School, a Finnish school of thought that focuses on deep immersion in LARP gaming makes that claim. I'm not saying I agree, but it isn't cut and dried either.

 

[John Dallman]

We're already seeing people give more thought to video games, which are roughly about as old as TTRPGs.

Video games make a great deal more money, which gives them far greater social significance.

There are schools of thought that includes TTRPGs and especially LARPs as a thing that can be called art.

Oh, I think they can. Getting the arts establishment to take any notice of them is a different matter entirely.

 

[Fenris-77]

Oh, I think they can. Getting the arts establishment to take any notice of them is a different matter entirely.

That's fair. I dont necessarily disagree either, but its such a fraught topic that I tend to soft peddle it.