What etiquette rules do we assume is common in the community?

[billd91]

My great-grandfather's surname was changed by the staff at Ellis Island, or so my grandfather said. The initial letter was dropped to render the written more pronouncable. (Further, I've seen photos from Poland with distant relatives using the dropped letter, so I know it was in use to be dropped..) Likewise, the ledgers have most of the names written in the same few hands, only the signatures being third party, at least on the pre WW-II rolls I used doing my own genealogical research, while working for NARA...

There are enough interviewed in the 70's and 80's persons who came through before 1935 who claimed their names were changed. Documentaries about Ellis Island. Documentaries about pandemics. Documentaries on immigrant experiences.

Also fun: The US didn't standardize spelling until Daniel Webster... and in the journals of Lewis & Clark, facsimile editions will show that the didn't consistently spell each other's names the same way all the time.

This has been thoroughly researched.

GovDocs to the Rescue! Debunking an Immigration Myth | Meszaros | DttP: Documents to the People

journals.ala.org

 

[Jd Smith1]

Having seen several thousand students over the years...
I've seen F'Lar and Lessa (brother/sister - know the mom, she's a pern fan).
I've seen at least a dozen variations on Chewbacca ... it's apparently a common Hmong personal name.
I know one family who opted to intentionally mispronounce their surname - Phornsavant - because properly in thier native, that ph is a p sound... Yes, the sixth grader in my class did know why.
I've seen a Lee Liu and Li Lu... both again not jokes, but totally unaware of The Fifth Element...
I've encountered Jane, Jaine, Jain, Jayne, Jayn, Jaen..., Thom, Tom, Tahm, and Tam (all pronounced the same), Tam, Tamm, and Tamn (all the first syllable of Tammy). Many names usually ending in -y substituting -i, -ie, -eye, -ei, -ey, -eiy, or -iey. Initial F- being replaced by Ph-. mid-word g/j and g/h swaps. 4× King, 2× Duke (plus a coworker's husband), 2× Baron, 2× Queenie, 1× Duchess. And a couple of Phuc and its homonym in several spellings.
I've never seen intentional joke names save when I was working in a regional office of the National Archives... the clerks at Ellis Island were apparently total jerks.

I have encountered a Placenta. Top that.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

This has been thoroughly researched.

GovDocs to the Rescue! Debunking an Immigration Myth | Meszaros | DttP: Documents to the People

journals.ala.org

Researched, yes, but missing some data points, like the Incognito family, and the Unknowns from Laos.

My understanding of what happened- especially with the Unknowns- was a linguistic oops. Laotians often didn’t have surnames, and when asked, would respond that their last name was unknown. Someone wrote that translated answer down as an actual name. And looking at a Thai/Laotian name database, we see:

38. Chuahirun – เชาหิรัญ (Thai Origin) meaning “unknown”

So, while the immigration personnel were not INTENTIONALLY changing names, some may have been changed or added by simple misunderstanding. And it probably happened before reaching American points of entry.

 

[amethal]

This goes with "joke" names as well. I've found that parents can be exceedingly cruel with the names they give their children. Here are some REAL patient names: Peter Wart, Christmas Carol, Beneetha Sheets, and Mynex Child. So my character named Ta'ahd or Roach the Thief or Alfus Pinwillow is actually tamer than some poor bastard's real name.

I did meet a guy called Michael Hunt once. I assume his parents hadn't thought it through, rather than being cruel.

Needless to say, nobody called him Mike.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I did meet a guy called Michael Hunt once. I assume his parents hadn't thought it through, rather than being cruel.

Needless to say, nobody called him Mike.

There’s a guy named Mykel Hawke who- as I recall- does survival technique videos.

 

[MNblockhead]

I only game online now, and only played in private residences for the twenty years before that.

Back in the F2F days:
1) No smoking, no booze, be properly bathed. Pants are required. Use air freshener when flatulent.

Mind elaborating? Not a fan of shorts outside the gym or beach myself, but would never have thought to ban others at my game table from wearing shorts.

2) Physical violence only when sanctioned by the GM.

F2F and online:
3) Be on time and prepared.
4) Share the spotlight.
5) GM rulings are final.
6) BSing off-topic at the table is forbidden. There's a place on the Discord site for that.

All make sense to me. We are not very strict about #6. But our monthly game is 8 hours long. Even then the off-topic discussions are surprisingly minimal.

Online only
7) Mute when you eat or drink.

Yeah. I've only run into this as an issue on on-line convention or pick-me-up games.

I really haven't had much trouble enforcing these rules because I have always used a very stringent vetting process to weed out undesirables. Getting the right sort of player if a key function of the GM's job. Its all part of management of expectations.

Do you actually cover any of these etiquette rules during the vetting process or do you just feel them out? I suspect the later. About the only etiquette rule I listed that I do bring up with new players is the no politics rule.

 

[MNblockhead]

This thread seems dominated by people who are much more openly opinionated and controlling over other people's odors and eating habits than me or anyone I've ever gamed with.

To be fair, most of the posters on these topics are thinking about medical concerns related to heavy perfumes, nut allergies, etc. The other comments seem to be more concerned with handling books with unclean hands. When I ran games from my house, we ate just about anything at the table. My horizontal display for battlemaps etc. is elevated a bit of the table and is in a wood and plexiglass case, so I was not very concerned about spills. I had a side table for my books, however, and can be a bit precious about handing them over to people who don't treat them well (dirty hands, holding by just one cover, etc.)

In terms of body odor related to poor hygiene, I'd be interested in how many people would openly confront someone about this, especially at a convention game. I would feel it to be impolite to do so with a stranger at a FLGS or convention game. Even with people I know fairly well, it would have to be pretty egregious before I would bring it up.

 

[MNblockhead]

7. No meme names.
<snip>
I probably add other stuff, too, but it's not like I have to go on about it - most of these things are obvious, but still must be said.

Number 7 is the one that I would think would be the least obvious. I understand where it comes from and depending on the game and campaign I might enforce that, but silly names have been part of the game from the very beginning.

 

[MNblockhead]

A couple of posters mention choice of character names, which raises the question of players who choose “silly” names and whether this impacts on other players and their suspension of disbelief.
The reason I raise this is that my tabletop group tends to play quite serious and dark-ish fantasy, but we used to have a player who insisted on somewhat juvenile pun names for his character, which the rest of us found irritating in the role play sense.
Examples included Wassin Aname, Biggus Dickus, Reetard and similar. He left the group for other life reasons but I certainly found his name choices annoying.
Maybe I was wrong?

Not wrong, but if you are playing with a group that enjoys or at least tolerates it, I'm not sure it is a hill to die on. If you look at some of the more serious and life-and-death periods in history, such as during wars, you'll often see joke nicknames and joke names for aircraft, navy vessels, and even bombs. If EVERYTHING is slapstick, it quickly wears thin outside of specific games and campaigns (any Paranoia game, for example). But a bit of silliness can have its place in even the most serious games. Overly grim-dark, edge-lord games can be equally as tiring for me as overly slap-stick games.

I think etiquette come in here in the sense of how as a player you need to "read the room", though it is best to set expectations regarding tone in session zero.

 

[MGibster]

One thing I haven't seen discussed is lines/veils/x cards. I don't use these things because I had someone tell me they can make things worse by effectively saying whatever you don't "X" is allowed. I do a very PG13 game, and at Con games I say "we are all here to have a good time.

I believe lines/veils/X Cards are more likely to be used amonst a group of people who are already familiar and comfortable with one another than than they are with relative strangers. i.e. You have to have some degree of confidence you won't uspet the people at your table by an X-Card and pausing the game. I've never seen them used in the wild, though I don't doubt that others have.

Not that most of my games are gore fests filled with offensive content, but when I run a game in a public venue I make a concerted effort to avoid graphic depictions of violence, bad language, and steer away from subjects that are likely to make people uncomfortable. Not just for the people at the table but for the other people who might walking by or playing a game at a nearby table.

To be fair, most of the posters on these topics are thinking about medical concerns related to heavy perfumes, nut allergies, etc.

Growing up, we'd occasionally go to places where the smell of roasted nuts permeated the air. One of the local malls here in Little Rock used to have a Nut Hut, where they'd roast peanuts, cashews, almonds, etc., etc., and you could just smell it before you'd catch sight of the place. I've never heard of someone having an allergic reaction simply by walking into the mall.

The idea that just smelling nuts or peanut butter will trigger an allergic reaction is a myth. Unless you're in a location where peanut dust permeats the air, you're not going to have a reaction to just smelling it. A psychosomatic reaction maybe, but not an allergy response. There's nothing wrong with eating peanuts at the game store.