Judging by the Forgotten Realms fansites, there are examples of Udadrow cities who overthrew the Lolth faction. But these are anomalous situations where the cities transformed into patriarchies. We dont ever see what an Udadrow culture looks like, when it is a functional Good matriarchy.
In the Uda city of Sshamath, the male Wizards launched a successful coup against the female Clerics of Lolth. Men in power. Afterward, other sacred traditions flourished thus diluting the influence of the Lolth cult. And arcane magic − and even any species that is able to learn arcane mage − gained a sacred legally protected status. In this way, on balance, men rule Sshamath.
In the war between the two cities, the Lolth-controlled city of Menzoberranzan ironically disempowered the Lolth Clerics of Sschindylryn, by forcing them to demilitarize. With the female Clerics unable to aggress, there wasnt enough "chaos" to please the demon Lolth. So the female Clerics of Sschindylryn ended up killing each other. In the power vacuum, the male merchants quietly and peacefully established absolute power, a plutocratic patriarchy, with the females serving as puppet figure heads.
Recently, the known world discovered the existence of Aevendrow and Lorendrow. Even now, not much is known about Aeven, and even less about Loren. But the impression is, neither of these Drow cultures feels "Drow", because they arent Udadrow. Aeven is an egalitarian local democracy − which is commendable − but "not a Drow matriarchy".
There is no example of how Uda matriarchal culture functions when it is healthy, when a demon isnt twisting it.
I am comfortable with the kinky dominatrix vibe from the Lolth Clerics. It can be prurient fun. Menzoberranzan can be a place known for it. ... But not for an entire culture. Overall, the moral of the story is, it is evil if women have power. The D&D Drow Elf traditions come across as misogynist, in addition to other difficulties.
When there is a narrative that literally demonizes powerful women, there is an ethical responsibility to also present a counter-example, of powerful women who are doing well. The problem isnt the women. The problem is the demon.
It helps for Forgotten Realms to have one or more examples of an Udadrow city where the matriarchy is healthy and beneficial. As a speculative game, it is anthropologically interesting to think about how this Uda matriarchal culture can function.
