Somebody who posts a poll with multiple comedy options and then immediately demands that anyone who didn't choose the 'correct' answer justify themselves... well, that's pretty close.
This seems to be the kind of thing that comes up a lot in fantasy fiction. I would say a) quest for the craftsman who originally made the item (or his clan/descendants), and b) don't allow it to be exactly the same item as before. Most of its powers and properties would remain, but give it some...
Is it a network problem, or a server load issue? There's a bunch of 'nice but not essential' vBulletin features that really gobble CPU--the 'forum jump' menu is known for being a real database query hog.
Frankly, I don't think he understands the need for any such thing. It's completely obvious to him, so there's no need in his mind to modify it for anyone else. You think he's autistic or something?
Edit: Wow, a delightful combination of a babbler and a MENSA troll. At this point, it's time to...
Is it just me, or does his logorrhea resemble the output of a MegaHALesque program that was fed a bunch of RPG books?
Also, it's kind of funny how much it resembles the crap he's blathering about in this thread.
FF summons are essentially flashy direct-damage spells, and as such really wouldn't be different from any other spells. Maybe take the approach that the summoner has to work out a contract with the creature, along the lines of 'I will cast X spell/use X ability on command Y times in return for...