I think that the inherent problem with any discussion around VTTs is the end goal and your attitude toward that way of playing. If you love sitting around a table with a group of friends to play your favorite RPG, you are likely not going to find any VTT that will make you happy. All of it...
I could not agree with you more. 2020 saw a lot of TTRPG folk give VTTs a try in order to keep their games alive. My hats off to all of you that did. Some loved it, and some hated it. As the dust settles, it can not be denied that there are MANY more people playing RPGs on VTTs now than ever...
I am lucky enough to play with people who invest a lot of thought into their character's build, backstory, goals, ETC. There are no Bob II characters in our campaigns. ;) I reward this investment by having a table rule that nobody dies, BUT... there are consequences for poor decisions that...
I am another vote for Fantasy Grounds (FG). I have been using the FG VTT for a couple of years now, and it is fantastic. That being said, I understand your initial frustration with the steep learning curve that FG has. All I can say is that the time spent up front will pay big in the long...