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Using the term "meat"shield loosley in the case of the skeletons ;). But I do have to echo the comments that this *has* to be a story hour. Can't wait for more.

Personally, I prefer something other than +2 on my weapons. I'm usually fine with the initial +1, and then get the wizard to slap a Greater Magic Weapon on there. I'd much rather have keen or flaming or something of that nature than an additional +1. But that's just me.

I agree - the first problem here is your DM. He's blocking you from doing anything really useful if you can't get past DR, and if his idea of a reward was an item that just duplicated your feats (without letting you change said feats)... The second problem is your weapon. A +1 longbow? For a...

Is one item really a list?

I'm not sure. You touch it and let me know.

Disruption can only be applied to bludgeoning weapons.

+1 Keen Shortsword (8,310 gold), for a basic weapon. Boots of Striding and Springing (5,500 gold) to further increase your movement options. Ring of Force Shield (8,500 gp) to give you some extra protection Ring of Protection +2 (8,000 gp) to give you more protection Cloak of Resistance +2...

+1 Keen Holy Frost Scythe (50,318 gp) Ring of Freedom of Movement (40,000 gp) Breastplate of Command (25,400 gp) +1 Light Fortification Full Plate Barding (10,300 gp) Cloak of Charisma +4 (16,000 gp) Amulet of Health +4 (16,000 gp) Belt of Giant Strength +4 (16,000 gp) Boots of Speed (12,000 gp)...

The special edition PHB fixed a number of errors, including Bards being listed as having medium armor proficiency as a bonus feat, so that would confirm it for me.

Well, most of your damage is going to come from sneak attack dice, but I'll just toss this out there anyway - go with a decent strength (say a 14), don't take weapon finesse, and use a quarterstaff for dual-wielding. Sure, it lacks the crit range or multiplier of a short sword or hand axe...

This is actually what we've done in a friend's house rule heavy game, and something I'm stealing for my games (whenever I actually get a chance to run one). Every class gets an extra two skill points per level (8 more at level 1). Other skill-based changes include merging listen and spot, as...

I don't think any of these are big for every *character*. In fact, I don't think these are big for the majority of characters. Groups, yes. But when is the last time your fighter was trying to open a lock, your paladin was attempting a forgery, your sorcerer was appraising something, or your...

Well, you aren't worried about being the biggest badass around, so... why not a crossbow? As a fighter, you'll have feats to spare, which makes Rapid Reload much less of a hassle. A light crossbow with rapid reload ends up being similar to a longbow. Constantly look for gadgets to improve...

Jump. If you're untrained, you have to beat DCs by 5 or more to avoid falling prone. But that one rank means that you just have to make the DC (and gives you an extra 5% chance of doing so). It might not come up all the time, it might be replaced by spells fairly soon, but one rank is a small...

Another thing I thought of, regarding your race - think small. If you're restricted to the PHB, then halflings and gnomes both make good wizards. The Strength penalty means nothing to you, but the Dexterity or Constitution bonus is awesome. They get +1 to AC and +1 to attacks, along with a...

Interestingly enough, you may not actually need to take proficiency in the whip. Tripping is a melee touch attack, so you would ignore your opponents armor bonus. Given, proficiency would get rid of that pesky -4 penalty, but... Improved Trip, obviously, is a good one for that +4 bonus to...

Gotta agree with the other advice: go with a crossbow for your main weapon, above even your spells, starting out. Even the light crossbow will do more damage than a magic missile at that level (albeit it isn't an auto-hit). You also don't suffer from a low strength score, like you would with a...

Bone Knight, from the Five Nations Eberron book. At level 6 (yes, hefty investment), you can make weapons that do an extra 1d6 weapons against living creatures. Of course, the PrC has a number of other nice features (spellcasting, bonecraft armor, etc.), but they do make special swords.

Well, an untrained hireling costs 1 sp a day. A trained one (who might have ranks in listen and spot) costs 3. So, for less than 1 gold piece a week, you can get someone who should at least be able to scream when the ambushing orcs rip him open. For two gold pieces a week, you might even get...

The reason half-elves usually aren't the best at anything is because of their bonuses. Elves get the low-light vision, immunity to sleep spells, +2 against enchantments, and better bonuses on listen, search, and spot. Humans get to have any class as their favored one. Humans, Elves, and...