D&D General “Groom of the Stool” — how accurate do you want your royal courts to be


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A barbarian power granted by the totem spirit no one talks about in polite company.
The trouser snake? (First appeared in a d&d blue magic book the name of which i forget)

Seems to fit. It can spit acid and prefers to spend most of its time coiled in its master's trousers. It does occasionally hang its head and neck outside to see whats going on and to say high. Mostly it just stays inside though.
 

Beleriphon

Totally Awesome Pirate Brain
Can I be the guy that sits on the toilet just to warm it for the king to use.

Ugh, you'd be the first one to go when I'm king. Can't butt warmth on the toilet.

As for realistic courts, the wacky titles and proliferation of noble positions was part of The Enlightenment period and later. King Louis XIVwent full on bananas with them at Versailles. One of the best positions that the court fought over was the king's official dresser. The best part of the deal Louis was shrewd enough to make them fight over the different positions, while consolidating more and more power to himself.

One of the weird positions was the guy who was always in the King's bedroom. Always. Even when his wife, or mistress was there.
 

One thing to note is about things like "Master of the Kings Wardrobe" is that they often tended to mutate after a few generations into more honorific positions, either with no relation to the thing they describe or else meaning they are the noble who appoints (and possibly pays for) the people who actually do the thing described. Sometimes they would become hereditary. The nature of a feudal society (to use a problematic term) is that station is defined by service to someone more powerful and proximity of ones relationship with them. King's Cup-bearer became a common honorific title, particularly in the Germanic world. In England the role of head of the King's household management evolved into the office of Lord Great Chamberlain, formally considered one of the highest offices in the land and becoming so removed from the actual work of running the household that the holder appointed that the (eventually entirely separate) position of Chamberlain of the Household to do that work.

The Groom of the Stool, however, had a very desirable position that nobody in their right mind would delegate or allow to atrophy into a mere honorific one, having the intimate ear of the king and a very personal relationship with him. While this may not have been a sufficiently dignified position for the most powerful courtiers, magistrates, and lords it was a much sought after position for an ambitious man of slightly lower stature, usually someone who had been knighted at the least, likely patronized by and perhaps reporting to one of or another grandee.
 

NotAYakk

Legend
In 4e, I swear there was a sidebar about Dukes etc.

There was a fallen Netherese empire, and the title you held in that now-fallen empire had more prestige than pretending to be some barbarian "king" or whatever. Even though the power structure your ancestors reported to is long dead.
 


Umbran

Mod Squad
Staff member
Supporter
Yes. A Brelish citizen in my campaigns would make some very, very crude jokes about an Aundairan noble with the title of Groom of the Stool, and cap the whole thing off with one of those “see, this is what’s wrong with the nation of so-and-so” speeches.

Yes, well, the Groom of the Stool comes from a culture that.. wasn't as squeamish about these things as we are. We are talking about the era of the chamber pot, after all - no indoor plumbing, and all. If you lived with a person in your home, you'd seen them use the chamber pot.

It was also a day where upper class clothing was not assembled or convenience. We all understand that the clothing of noble ladies was assembled so it would literally be impossible to dress without assistance. We forget, in our unconscious bias, that the same would hold for noble men.

Those folks who would chide the King for having such a servant would also likely think even worse of the king for showing up in clothing that was actually practical for dealing with alone - leaving it as a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing. Because, of course, criticism of high position was never known for being logically consistent.
 


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