MrFilthyIke
First Post
Since D&D evolved from wargaming. 
100 Ways to Annoy Wargamers
1. Refer to your miniatures only by their first name.
2. Refer to his miniatures only by their first name.
3. Try to bribe his units over to your side.
4. Three words: Pastel Color Scheme
5. Rent advertising space on your unit banners.
6. Offer your opponent the chance to surrender before the battle starts.
7. Dress in character. Sans pants.
8. Perform a play by play commentary in a Howard Cossell voice.
9. Speak only in third person like a certain wrestler.
10. Use large brass dice. Roll them dangerously close to your opponents figures.
11. Use only microdice.
12. Only roll one die at a time.
13. Play battle music. Mr. Roboto works best. Put it on repeat.
14. Name all your characters after obscure Hungarian royalty. Become annoyed if your opponent fails to notice.
15. Claim your army is comprised of all women. When pressed, explain they are all in disguise as to not get kicked out of the army.
16. Place a hammer on the table before the battle starts. Explain it is there to insure loyalty.
17. Quote Sun Tzu often, but only irrelevantly.
18. Every time one of your miniatures has unrestricted LOS to his commander, say ‘check’.
19. Suggest obviously suicidal tactics to your opponents. Explain ‘that’s what Custer would do’.
20. Perform a rousing speech to your troops before the battle. Pose like Mussolini at the end.
21. Secretly replace your opponent’s miniatures one at a time with miniatures from other games.
22. Claim your miniatures are proxied for another regiment, though that has no bearing on game play whatsoever.
23. Place all of your infantry on individual monster bases.
24. Flock your bases with sand. Do not use glue.
25. Take a halftime break to play with your Bloodbowl cheerleaders.
26. Every time your opponent shows you a rule in the book, tear out that page and eat it.
27. Every turn play by the previous version of the rules.
28. Each time your opponent destroys one of your units, remove an article of clothing.
29. Reference only Hoyle’s Book of Games for rules disputes.
30. Produce two large blunt objects before the games starts, suggest Ironman rules.
31. Gradually increase your volume as the game progresses.
32. Place scantily clad female miniatures beside the table to distract your opponent’s army.
33. Do not move your army. Do not shoot. Flee when charged.
34. Give your army a French paint scheme. After the first turn, give up.
35. During a rules dispute, reference several copies of the rules to make sure they are the same in every book.
36. Use only the same exact posed figure for your entire army. Proxy if necessary.
37. Origami figurines.
38. Discuss tactics with your troops. Become argumentative.
39. Have no interior monologue. Digress frequently.
40. When talking about strategy always ask, “What would Portnoy the Hedgehog, the surly Bloom County cartoon character do?”
41. Four more words. Baby blue bikini top.
42. Use the words ‘whoop ass’ at least twenty times in your army list.
43. Use a paintball to remove casualties. For both sides.
44. Use the wrong scale miniatures.
45. Don’t speak to your opponent during the game.
46. Cuss a lot. Use only profanity from popular sci-fi shows.
47. Name all your vehicles after Dr. Suess books.
48. When you win, dump a tub of gatorade on your commander.
49. Every time you lose a unit, take a shot of whiskey.
50. Yodel.
51. Try to play multiple games at once, like Gary Kasparov
52. Each turn impersonate Peter Lorre just a little bit more.
53. Start each game with the National Anthem
54. Each turn replace your commander with a new figure.
55. After a good die roll, do a victory dance and spike the die.
56. Write a battle report during the game. Take at least five minutes to
write information between dice rolls.
57. Spot glue all your pieces together so they continually fall apart through out the game.
58. Keep comparing the current game you are playing unfavorably to Spellfire.
59. Ask if one of your opponent’s female models is seeing anybody.
60. Your only model: a fully scale Godzilla suit.
61. Play with two fake prosthetic hooks, refuse any offer of help.
62. Be sure to put cutesy hearts over all i’s and j’s on all banners and words in your army.
63. Have a spy listening in on your opponent’s conversations. Relay information through semaphore flags.
64. Have same spy attempt to shoot your opponents models in the back with models in the game the spy is currently playing.
65. Place a model compass rose on the table, be sure to have arranged so you can claim your opponent takes a penalty shooting at you because of the sun in his eyes.
66. Have all your models covered in Vaseline at the start of the game. Offer no explanation.
67. Every time one of your models dies, going into the Fritz and Max monologue from Wizards.
68. Have conversations with the models in your carrying case about why they didn’t get picked.
69. Put springs in your vehicles so they appear to be on hydraulics.
70. Place bets on every die roll.
71. Try to bribe his dice.
72. Spend at least 5 minutes trying to move your models with telekinesis.
73. At the end of each turn have your corner team rehydrate you, give a backrub and don’t forget the cut man.
74. Use a translator to communicate with your opponent.
75. Use a croupier stick to move models
76. Bribe several small children to stare silently at your opponent nonstop throughout the game.
77. Take 30 seconds winding up before rolling your dice.
78. Suggest playing diceless like Amber.
79. Read War and Peace during your opponents turn.
80. Practice the saxophone or some other instrument you can’t play when it’s not your turn.
81. Mandatory conversion for all your models: Pasties.
82. Tape record the Wilhelm scream before the battle. Play it each time a model dies.
83. Have a Senor Winces style conversation with your dice bag.
84. Speak in a golf voice when either of you is moving figures or rolling dice.
85. Try to move your models with a RC remote control. After the first failed attempt, change the batteries.
86. Model foam We’re #1 fingers on all your models in rear ranks.
87. Six more words: Jethro Tull Fan Club paint scheme
88. When it’s your turn to place terrain, dump a box of toy penguins on the table.
89. Claim your tape measure only measures in cubits.
90. When placing models, put a small dog on the table. Show your opponent you spent the points for him.
91. Speak in rhyme.
92. Tie slow burning matches in your beard and dress exactly like Blackbeard. Act like nothing is out of the ordinary.
93. When your opponent isn’t looking, switch places with someone dressed exactly like you.
94. Describe the battle using more and more fictitious sounding tactics like ‘Advanced Cow and Dairy Farmer Counter Formation’
95. When two models are alone in close combat, yell at them to take it outside.
96. Tell your opponent that your kilt wearing models are fully regimental. Show him you’re not kidding.
97. Hide a small rodent in your transport tank.
98. Have a man behind you performing a striptease on your opponent’s turn.
99. When you lose a model, casually toss it behind your back.
100. Read to your opponent children’s novels during his turn.
