A Big List of EN World Quotes...

[RangerWickett]

Always carry a pound of soap.
Spiked Chains are for wussies.
Anything off the table is a re-roll, unless it's a 20.

Love,
God

From a poster whose screen name is 'God'. It's now an official rule in my games that if it falls off the table and is a nat 20, you get to keep it (unless you were intentionally rolling off the table multiple times).

 

[vonmolkew]

This thread is why I keep coming back ever day

here's my fav: don't know who said it..................

Chaotic Neutral -- makes firing into combat a whole lot more fun!

 

[boerngrim]

"A good DM knows People. He knows the rules. He (or she) is really good at manipulating the situation in a way he desires, yet the players thinking it was their idea. Sort of like Emperor Palpatine." -- Vraille Darkfang

Man! I would so dig playin in Palpy's game!

 

[Herobizkit]

I like this one:

 

[Asmor]

This thread is why I keep coming back ever day

here's my fav: don't know who said it..................

Chaotic Neutral -- makes firing into combat a whole lot more fun!

See attached...

The source, if you're interested, is 4chan. No, I don't recommend going there, particularly if Eric's grandma is visiting.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

"The Soul of D&D? It's rolling a natural 20 when you're down to 3 hit points and the cleric's on the floor and you're staring that sunnavabitch bugbear right in his bloodshot eye and holding the line just long enough to let the wizard unleash a fireball at the guards who are on their way, because they're all that stands between you, the Foozle and Glory." - WizarDru

I love this one.

 

[javcs]

"Shilsen is broken!" - on learning that Shilsen (the player) was built on a 39 pt buy.

*Cough*Shilsen's a 58pb*Cough* I'm only a 56pb.


I nominate HeavenShallBurn's Sig. (Or, rather, the part that I remember)

How much HP does the Prime Material plane have? Some of my players are interested in this information.
-Javcs (yes, me) (or something along those lines ... it's been a while)


For some really fun quotes, Story Hours are quite good.

This fresh from the Rules forum:

Bard is low on hitpoints and used up his action for the round. It's fighters turn and he already has a cure potion in his hand. He moves to the Bard and pours it in the Bards mouth. The Bard is now healed up.

Do you allow this to happen? And I don't mean allowing a Bard in your group

 

[Samnell]

These are all quite old. Back before 3e had a decimal.

"Despite the fact that my weapons and armour are in desperate need of repair, I blow the entire reward on Ale and Whores!"--DWARF

"Rule 5: Let the players feel ill-luck or stupidity does them in, not pure malicious gamemastering."--DMaple

"...I gotta ask: are you really serious about summoning horrors from beyond the Universe?"--Pielorinho

"What is the purpose of life? The purpose of life is doing that which we are born to do, and finding joy in doing so. It is dancing in the darkness, running until your lungs ache, gorging on a fresh kill, and having voracious sex."--Tiefling

"If you want to play an insane, axe-wielding cyclone of steely death as a human, the PC is just weird and a bit off...

"If you want to play an insane, axe-wielding cyclone of steely death as a dwarf, the PC is an upstanding member of his community. He might even be clergy." That was mine.

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Ioun Stone?"--wolff96

 

[Nyaricus]

In my Tasty Bits thread (which is a wreck and has been for a year or so) I have a growing list of ENW quotes from the 2 years I've been here. Prepare for the flood:

The Rule of Zero
0. The DM is always right
1. If the DM is not right, see rule #0.

All advice and criticism will be gratefully received, all flames will be negligently extinguished, and all trolls will be ignominously starved. Thanks for your opinions.
>Imret

On Adding 3rd Party Materials into a game
If a player wants to add something, the conversation goes something like this: "No. Loan me the book and the answer becomes Maybe. If I think the feature you want is underpowered, the answer will likely become Yes."
>azhrei_fje
-Wizards' Rules-
Wizard's First Rule - People are stupid. Th

ey will believe anything they want to be true or fear to be true.
Wizard's Second Rule - The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
Wizard's Third Rule - Passion rules reason.
Wizard's Fourth Rule - There is magic in forgiveness- the magic to heal! In the forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive.
Wizard's Fifth Rule - Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.
Wizard's Sixth Rule - The only sovereign I can allow to rule me is reason. The first law of reason is this: what exists, exists; what is, is. From this irreducible, bedrock principle, all knowledge is built. This is the foundation from which life is embraced.
Wizard's Seventh Rule - Life is the future, not the past.
Wizard's Eighth Rule - Deserve victory.
Wizard's Ninth Rule - A contradiction cannot exist in reality.

I know I'm arguing hard for my original positions, and you're arguing the argument, but that's what arguments are SUPPOSED to be. Strongly held intellectual positions that come to some sort of compromise or understanding.
>Luthien Greyspear

The difference between role playing and roll playing is the distance between the human heart and the dice rolling hand.
>William Ronald

How to Play D&D
1. kill all the bad guys,
2. loot everything that's not nailed down, and
3. bring a crowbar for that
>Spatzimaus

I keep my thoughts on file for rapid deployment.
>mmadsen

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
>Sae Cael Oanar (off the WotC boards)

May your d20's always roll a crit!
>Nightcloak

In terms of sheer mass and volume, I own more books than I do clothes...
>Umbran

If Dwarves ruled they'd have big people tossing contests.
>The Hound

Here I go delurking again... >merelycompetent
Bet you can't post just one. >Dr. Awkward

How much war could a warforged forge if a warforged could forge war?
>mathx314 (off the WotC boards)

Now for paladin players, here's a safe analogy to use as a rule of thumb:
1) If you're clearly more powerful than your enemy, ask yourself, "What would Superman do?"
2) If you're NOT clearly more powerful than your enemy, go with, "What would Batman do?"
>Wulf

What's the easiest way to get in a fight? Go around town asking half-orcs math questions.
>my (ex-)player, Steven

Bah, who needs Bilbo Baggins?
We have Lidda. SHE would have learned old Smaug a lesson or two.
Thorin Oakenshield, you got cheated! Never trust a Wizard. Always shop at the 3rd Edition Store for the best Halfling Rogues.
>Edena_of_Neith

'Follow me and we shall forge an empire! A cute and fuzzy empire!'
>glass

-if Frodo hadn't gotten all those 18's, he would have sucked!
-Bah. If Frodo's DM hadn't been fudging rolls, he never would have made it to Rivendell with those pansy stats.
>Nifft and Christian

I always figured that adventurers were dire humans. > Kobold Marine
Dire animals are larger, tougher, meaner versions of ordinary animals. > SRD
Yep, looks about right. > Nifft

If you meet Drizzt attack him, kill him, piss on his corpse, use capture the soul, disintergrate the corpse, scatter the dust to all the planes, and sell the soul to Lloth personally. After that ask the dm if you can do it agian.
If Drizz`t kills you, keep attacking with all your characters until dm ceases to put him in. No talking just stabbing.
>TwinSwords

Adventuring companies regularly emerge from their holes carrying more gold and silver coins than were ever created in our world's history. My question - who put all those coins in that hole?
A: Monsters have treasure.
Q: Where did the monster get its treasure?
A: From looting villages and killing adventurers.
Q: a village's loot is chickens, pigs, and grain. If... ah, forget it.
>Sorloc (from RPGHost)

"Real Life" is a registered trademark of God.
>KenHood (and yes, this even made me, an athiest, laugh

My shirt idea. "I sent my PCs to the Abyss and all I got was this stupid t-shirt!"
>Blade of Desecration

"To speak his name is to make him live again!" - Egyptian proverb
>Imhotepthewise

"As a simulation of reality, AD&D can only be condemned as a dismal failure, and those seeking such a system would do best to look elsewhere."
>1e AD&D DMG

We had a 2e game with one "human" female wizard and seven dwarven characters. The weird thing was, we really didn't even plan it that way. The first 4 or 5 of us had our characters in mind and the others said, "heck, we've almost got seven dwarves as it is..." With the obvious paralells, we all came up with nicknames for the dwarves. Sneaky (rogue), Creepy (psionicist), Shooty (fighter specialized in crossbows), Smashy (cleric/fighter hammer wielder), Slashy (fighter specialized in axes), Noisy (bard), and Ma (cleric). All together, we had a great time in that game.
>Greatwyrm

My Kill List:
Drummers: 12 (pretty easy, though one was a high-level bard)
Pipers: 11 (pretty hard... deadly sonic attacks!)
Lords: 10 (a big battle, they had very high jump modifiers too)
Ladies: 9 (nearly wiped out the whole party; they were shadowdancers)
Maids: 8 (we thought it would be easy but they were Battlemaid PrC with dire cattle)
Swans: 7 (no sweat)
Geese: 6 (we hardly got any xp for this but did have fun terrorizing a farm)
Golden rings: 5 (evil entities in the form of gold jewelry)
Birds: 4 (they weren't just any birds but calling birds that summoned fiends)
French hens: 3 (almost TPK!)
Turtle doves: 2 (actually they were dire koopas).
Partridge: 1 (it was no challenge...the treant it was roosting in was another matter)
>lukelightning

Finally, I love templates! So PCs expect to see half-dragon trolls (type: Dragon), half-fiend bugbears (type: Outsider(Evil)), shadow tigers (type: Magical Beast), half-fiend shadow mineral spellstiched ancient dracoliches (type: TPK), etc.
>Nifft

But I seriously don't see more flamewars or trolling than in the early days, do you? Nowadays it seems sedate, almost geriatric in comparisson. Everynow and then, something sort of flickers in the distance. Maybe its because I tended to get myself mired in those debates more often. Or maybe because the moderators are doing a better (more draconic?!?) job?
>Green Slime
Everyone watch out, just a few more levels and they'll get their breath weapons and wings.
>James Heard

Why are demons immune to electricity? (It's) a question that just never seems to get answered > Imruphel
Rubber Souls > hafrogman

Overall, despite any objections I outline above, I'm really looking forward to reading more... I'll gladly continue my current role of "asker of questions", "requester of clarifications". "raiser of objections", and generalized "disturber of fecal matter"!
>SpiralBound

In 1e, the rules were secondary to the feel, whereas in 3rd edition the feel is secondary to the rules.
>Erik Mona

Gamers, in my mind, get grouped in with nerds, geeks and dorks. So, we are socially inept, bookish techies with no lives, glasses, computer-screen tans and a certain air about us that screams "I WILL DIE A VIRGIN!!"
>Nyaricus

Which brings up the point: can I create bananas, eat them, and then use the peels as weapons by setting them on the floor and bullrushing people onto them? I mean think about it: yummy treat, and then think about the person that steps on the +4 holy, shocking, acidic, frost, fire, bane banana peel!
>Dog Moon

Why are humans so flavourless > Felnar
What marinade are you using? >Nifft

You can get laid anytime, but a good game of D&D is to be treasured.
>Templetroll

Nothing is as fearsome as a 2' tall bipedal squirrel decked in breastplate and acorn-shaped shield! >Klaus
Especially when you hear its warcry - "Go for the nuts!" >Shilsen

The monster contained herein may cause your players to whine about the destruction of their equipment. If this occurs, give the player back their destroyed equipment and instead destroy the character. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
>Rust Monster Warning Label

For me, PC death is a matter of choice and luck. Sometimes you choose poorly and live, sometimes you choose wisely and die.
>joe b

he is an A.SS >LordBOB
LordBOB, as a moderator, I'd like to ask that you not attempt to bypass the swearing filters.
Especially since you can just say ass. Like this: Ass ass aSS ass ass ass ass ASS. Ass is not filtered. But for 's sake don't say ! >Rel

The moral of the story is that you should never run naked through the mushrooms.
>Sledge

I do not play games to be simulationist. I do not play games to find deeper understanding of the complex world in which we live. I do not play games to engage in conversations about eternal philosophical matters. I play games to kick evils ass and take it's stuff.
>tetsujin28 (may he rest in peace)

Bah. No matter what nonhuman race you take, you always play that race as if it is human, anyway, because you're hardwired to be human. For example, you play a long-lived elf, but you're more concerned about reaching level 20 before puberty.
>Ranger REG

All game worlds need heavily armed, pissed-off waterfowl.
>Whizbang Dustyboots

I cant imagine myself DMing a game and telling my players they see a sperm whale approaching their ship. > The Magician
Why not? The ship's full of seamen, right?> Shilsen
That's like that joke where a male whale convinces a female whale to help him wreck the whaling ship that killed his father by blowing at it with concentrated air, but then when the men start escaping, he says they have to eat them to get revenge and she replies, "Dude, I agreed to the blow job but I'm not swallowing seamen." > Rystil Arden

Elves don't chafe... they glide.
>Pbartender

All dwarves have beards. Male dwarves have two.
>MarkB

And remember, it's OK to do anything that you want nude, other than cooking bacon. Trust me on that one.
>Whizbang Dustyboots

There must be a system in there worth using for an RPG. >Frostmarrow
Perhaps with rotating pie charts! >Thirdwizard

Don't try to trick us into thinking that you actually believe you think you're there. We all know that we think that none of us really think we exist outside this messageboard.
>green slime

133t d03$/\/'t /\/\4k3 y0ur p01/\/t c133r3r, but 1t 1$ t0ugh 2 typ3.
n00b >Rabelais

Think about how much fun you could have with an undead monkey.
>Dog Moon

Gnolls? Furry romans - togas, aquaducts and all.
>Sejs

For the record, if anyone's penis actually looks like the picture of the Century Worm, see a doctor ASAP.
>Whizbang Dustyboots

I won't play Paladins because good is dumb.
I *doubt* I'll ever play a Barbarian because dumb is even dumber than good.
>Tuzenbach

Oh, and nothing says "I love you" quite like a mind flayer.
>BiggusGeekus

Oh, how I love the flame wars that break out with the advent of a new, major release from WotC!
>ColonelHardisson

Rouge is completely overpowering. I think a nice facial powder would work alot nicer. More natural, IMHO.
>Remathilis

My head exploded while reading the post above.
Doug McCrae

Love is an illusion. To be more precise, it's like a Phantasmal Killer. First you roll your save if you believe in it, then to see if your heart gets ripped out.
>Ragnar69

Oh, and you'll be back. Tin-foil hat wearing attention whores always are
>francisca

We should criticize these people! >Abigaillol
Harsh words indeed. >crazy_cat

The children attack the party with pillows and stuffed animals.
The pillows and stuffed animals are coated with a contact poison.
Cheers,
Roger

"Called Shot on the Staff of Power!!"
>Cedric

I'd just shrug and say something like "That's nice. The Thri-Kreen is ripping your arms off"
>Wik

Back in the vampire porn room, I feel a strange heat at my back...
>RangerWickett

"Why don't you just enlarge the kobold?"
>ValhallaGH

I'm not telling you that you'll be able to dodge magic missiles. I'm telling you that, when you're ready, you won't have to.
>Brousseau (on RPG.net)

I wanted to name my son Gandalf but I was voted down.
>jaerdaph
Your spouse insisted on "Mithrandir"?
>lukelightning

"Elvis! Turn on your lightsaber!"
>Ambrus

DM: OKay, going to need Spot checks.
Player A: *roll* 15
Player B: *roll* 19
Player C: *roll* 41.
DM: *pause... look at Player C* You see through time. Infinite probability stretches before you like a vast ocean: potential futures rising and falling, dancing upon the liquid surface as events in the Now seek to birth them into being...
DM: Also, there's a guy hiding over there in the bushes.

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't game.
>Cthulhudrew

Well, I'm off to shoot my parents in the name of the Great Lord, Gygax! See you all tomorrow!
>DJCupboard

Shameless self promotion is the way this board works best! How else do think people got such high post counts? *pauses* Okay maybe it was just me.
>Nightfall

Sniff. I miss the old bags [of holding] where my first group had a castle with soldiers and tavern inside. No idea if this used to be by the rules though. But it was fun. Especially when the bag inhabitants revolted because the beer was gone.
>Darklone

"You've just been captured by aliens, and we're going to LARP the anal probe scene."
>J-Dawg

I've seen the most powerfull classes played poorly, and the weaker ones played superbly. In the end, the person at the wheel is the main factor in the use (ful/less) ness of the class.
>Mechnomancer

Won't somebody please think of poor Mr. Scruffy?
>mhensley

There is no such thing as an atheist when it's time for the cleric to cast raise dead.
>Michael Morris

How often does the chinese zodiac get to order take out on someone's paladinhood?
>blargney the second (on OotS # 407)

...the internet also spawned the term "blog". Ugly word. "Blogging" sounds like what an orc does when he eats too much rancid yak fat before going on a sea voyage. It sure ain't majestic
>Umbran

You know, there's nothing WRONG with sharpened crowbars, people.
>hong


Ultimately, all advances in computer science and technology happen so we can either enhance our D&D experience or acquisition of pr0n.
>jaerdaph

"There are no plans for a 4th Edition," ranks right up there with, "I did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky."
>F4NBOY

Chuck Norris is the reason Ilmater suffers.
>Simplicity

"Kissik likes the ladies. He's going to a brothel, and his requirement is 1) Female, 2) Doesn't hate Kobolds, and 3) Likes to eat chicken."
>Scurvy_Platypus

Do a lot of foreshadowing of some imminent powerful force that will change the face of the world within a year's time. Then cause some large changes; like one day every single gnome on the face of the planet... get(s) turned into ceramic statues.
>BlueBlackRed

 

[Gentlegamer]

Words of wisdom by Col Pladoh:
Rashness and foolhardiness are harbingers of death, as is timidity, in such adventure setting.
Those that complain about real challenges might be better off playing Candyland with their little sister
First and foremost, munchkinism arose as a contemporary of the OD&D game. Nothing in the rules of that or any other version of the game was needed to make it flourish.