A Kingdom of Ashes (Zombies! Pirates! Giant Lizards! Intrigue!) UPDATED 07/01/05!!
- Thread starter The_Universe
- Start date
The_Universe
First Post
I'm working on it. Read the updated ending of the last post. 
The_Universe
First Post
Ah yes - I suppose I need to update this somewhat urgently.
We'll see what time allows...
We'll see what time allows...
Donnaf
First Post
new person reading
Hello "The Universe"
I am a new person reading the story hour stories, and I think for the most part your "story hour" is pretty good, although I was disappointed (although it was somewhat obviously set-up that Johanna was going to become a member of the unliving -- the zombee bad guys)... your exerpts seem to read more like a play though then a story... I know so much about the characters from your exerpts -- most likely because these characters are already made-up because you roll play out these stories before you write them (I am assuming... just from what the posts inbetween the exerpts say)... so you delve entirely into the characters, but I have yet to know what the background of the world looks like, smells like... ya de ya de ya
So, I hate to say this, especially because this seems to be the only "not extatically positive" feedback you have gotten ever from these posts, but it kinda reads like a teenage goth romance novel... with dramatics and broad heaving chests and power plays, with all the emphasis on those things that you already know from your roll playing, and no "creative indulgences" on things that I am assuming do not show up on roll playing... I would like a little more creativity -- not just repeats of what happened in the last roll playing game... at least in my reading of your exerpt, there is a very short influence on what surroundings are... because it is all about the characters.... and their heaving chests and sexual tension (see prologue 1 between Johanna and KB)
oh, and the character KB seems entirely too egotistical to be a good hero -- he seems really full of himself -- and this is a character I wouldn't want to hang out with in real life, and I certainly don't want to read about him...
Hello "The Universe"
I am a new person reading the story hour stories, and I think for the most part your "story hour" is pretty good, although I was disappointed (although it was somewhat obviously set-up that Johanna was going to become a member of the unliving -- the zombee bad guys)... your exerpts seem to read more like a play though then a story... I know so much about the characters from your exerpts -- most likely because these characters are already made-up because you roll play out these stories before you write them (I am assuming... just from what the posts inbetween the exerpts say)... so you delve entirely into the characters, but I have yet to know what the background of the world looks like, smells like... ya de ya de ya
So, I hate to say this, especially because this seems to be the only "not extatically positive" feedback you have gotten ever from these posts, but it kinda reads like a teenage goth romance novel... with dramatics and broad heaving chests and power plays, with all the emphasis on those things that you already know from your roll playing, and no "creative indulgences" on things that I am assuming do not show up on roll playing... I would like a little more creativity -- not just repeats of what happened in the last roll playing game... at least in my reading of your exerpt, there is a very short influence on what surroundings are... because it is all about the characters.... and their heaving chests and sexual tension (see prologue 1 between Johanna and KB)
oh, and the character KB seems entirely too egotistical to be a good hero -- he seems really full of himself -- and this is a character I wouldn't want to hang out with in real life, and I certainly don't want to read about him...
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The_Universe
First Post
Donnaf,Donnaf said:
Not all of the characters who are given "perspective" in the Story Hour are PCs - only the characters who recieved specific attention in the prologue (except Jeranna, who is/was a special case) were actually played. The rest are NPCs, some of whom may appear in the story only once or twice.
I use the multiple perspective model because I don't really like writing in the third person omniscient, but there's generally enough happening at any given time that a single perspective is not sufficient to communicate everything that I'd like to. So, I use the "camera shift" model to try to fill you in on what's happening without resorting to a book-report kind of style.
As to the lack of exposition...sorry.
I could launch a long tirade about the world around the characters at any given time (I think Xath has posted a link toward the beginning of the thread that has some more information about the world) but I prefer not to. Information dump almost guarantees that the details will be lost in the shuffle...and as the players can tell you - this story is all about the details. But what (really) do we know so far?
The world is called Aeres, and the sun is called Aon. There are two moons - Homaenes and Tamaeres.
There's at least one major body of water - The Placid Sea. It's salty, which we know from the first couple of paragraphs.
The adventure is happening in a place called "The Kingdom of the Falcon" or, alternatively, "The Falcon Kingdom" which is ruled (conveniently) by a King.
The Falcon Kingdom has a navy, as well as a military organization of some sort called the Talons - probably elite soldiers of one kind or another.
There is a bad guy known as the Bluestar who - though defeated in the past - is still feared in the present. Necromancy is clearly part of his portfolio.
Monsters, of any sort, are not commonly encountered.
There are guns and cannon, called Steeldrakes - and they are highly regulated by both a church (The Apectan Order) and the government.
There are at least two major faiths - the Fellowship of the Amastacia (a temple to this being is mentioned in one of the more recent entries) and the Apectan Order (probably founded by the Apecto mentioned in the Chapter 1 Header).
There's a lot more hidden in between the chest heaving, but those are the things that should be obvious (so far).
Nonetheless, I don't want to seem like I'm arguing with a critic - there is a value in exposition, and as the tale unfurls, I'll do my best to tell you more about the places our intrepid band encounters.
Above all, welcome to the story hour, and welcome to Enworld - it's a great community, and we're glad to have you in it!
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Queen_Dopplepopolis
First Post
Donnaf said:
Donnaf, not sure who you're talking about in this post... KB? Which character are you talking about?
