A Riddle: Feedback Wanted

[AuraSeer]

The OP's usage of "cleave" is grammatically wrong. An intransitive verb does not take a direct object.

That is, when using this definition, the verb always operates on its subject alone. If you are the subject, you are doing the cleaving, which means you yourself are sticking. A prepositional phrase can specify the thing to which you are stuck, or modify how you are sticking, but that requires a preposition. You can "cleave to X" or perhaps "cleave on X", but you cannot simply "cleave X" unless you mean to split X apart.

To make this more clear, compare it to "thrive," another intransitive verb. A plant can thrive, or it can thrive on the windowsill, but it is nonsensical to say that you are "thriving the plant" or that the plant is "thriving the windowsill."

In your riddle, "cleave" has a direct object (one of the stones), which means you're using it as a transitive verb. The transitive form always has the meaning of "to split apart," never the connotation you're trying to arrive at. So the riddle just doesn't work.

 

[Bad Paper]

The transitive form always has the meaning of "to split apart," never the connotation you're trying to arrive at.

yay for grammar geeks ending sentences prepositions with!

I agree with AuraSeer 96%. However, it's a heroic effort on a nifty riddle and setup. Aside from the grammar, you should consider:

1) being a little more descriptive of the room, to add too much information. e.g. "To the south is a one foot smooth granite cube resting on an oaken pedestal. On the floor in the southwest corner is a similar cube, split cleanly along the diagonal. Cobwebs and dust cover it, as well as the rest of the floor." Or whatever. Note that with some good questions, the party can determine that the illusory cube is strangely the only thing in the room not covered in dust and cobwebs.

2) The entity that designed this trap does not have to have perfect grammar! Let the party be smarter than it/he/she! When they catch up to the BBEG, give them XP for giving it/him/her hell over a poorly worded yet easily solved trap!

I say to run it as-is.

 

[jollyninja]

Well let me put it this way, 143 IQ and that wooshing sound you just heard was this riddle going way over my head. Upon reading the solution I recalled having encountered cleave this way before. Also, ever since the riddle a DM threw at me that required that I recreate binary code from scratch with only the context of the riddle to work with, never having seen binary code before, I've just hated riddles and tend to just get mad when they are in an adventure.

If your players like them and are likely to be aware of this meaning of cleave, seems fine to me.

 

[Jesus_marley]

Maybe I have a weird way of approaching things, but my take on the solution would have been to separate the split stone into two (cleaving it) and then simply putting the cloven stone back together again (re - moving it, and as it was returned to it's original state, could not be construed as "taking").

 

[Driddle]

I think you will be killed and eaten by your players if you give them a riddle that requires a deep knowledge of intransitive verbs.

Further agreement.

 

[Driddle]

I gave this some thought last night. It's worth pointing out that if you give the right set-up -- say, the dungeons of a wizard known for word-play and long complicated speeches and puns -- then this riddle is perfect.

Ah, yes! -- Lingus the Intransitive, who considered himself master of the runic verb. (Bardic Lore check: 35)

 

[el-remmen]

The "cleave" portion I got right away. The "remove" part was too obscure.

I think my own players would come to the same conclusion.

 

[Quartz]

The problem is your misuse of English grammar. Note that the verb cleave in your meaning is intransitive. You are using it as a transitive verb where to cleave something is to break that something; you mean to cleave to something. A man cleaves to a woman etc.

That said, your riddle makes perfect sense: all the players must do is pass something (a sword, a stick, hand, etc) between the two pieces of the - this time really - broken cube. They're not breaking it because it's already broken. The other cube they must Dispel or Disintegrate or Vanish or something.

 

[heirodule]

One might assume that since one of the stone seems to already be cleaved, some other adventurers were already here, tried the puzzle, and failed.

Might throw them off for a bit, which could be ok.

 

[Patryn of Elvenshae]

The "cleave" portion I got right away. The "remove" part was too obscure.

I think my own players would come to the same conclusion.

Totally agreed.