Artifact Level Wedge of Cheese

[Waylander the Slayer]

I tossed it into my game for the fun of it; I think I got the idea from the devious minds here. So what the hell does it do? I need your help; be creative!

 

[darthkilmor]

I tossed it into my game for the fun of it; I think I got the idea from the devious minds here. So what the hell does it do? I need your help; be creative!

Is it Intelligent?
Could it summon 1d4 Cheddar Golums ?
Maybe it can open a Gate to the Plane of Cows (kind of like that secret Diablo level) and/or Elemental Plane of Cheese(which looks suspiciously like being on the moon).
Anyone taking a bite out of it gets effect of Heal cast on them.
Maybe its part of a set ala rod of seven parts(Cheese of Destiny, Crackers of Doom, Wine of Annihilation, Lunchmeats of Eternity)

 

[Lord Zardoz]

Some random and unsorted attributes off the top of my head:

Hardness 20
DC 30 fort save or become Nauseated within 20 feet
Summon 1 Infernal Dire Rat per round at will
DC 35 Will save to Charm any rat, or mouse
Create Food (Cheese) at will
Cure Disease at will (Mold from penicllian)
Create Poison at will (Ingested, DC 35, Confusion initial, 4d6 Con Dmg after)
+30 enhancement bonus to Craft (Cheese)
+15 enhancement to Kraft (Dinner) checks
Sentient, Ego 30
Heroes Feast 1 / day
When hit with any Slashing weapon, casts a DC 35 Cloud Kill (Cut the cheese)

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Felix]

This should definitely be on there somewhere:

Stench (Ex): When a Wedge of Fury is uncovered, it emanates an oily, musk-like chemical that nearly every form of animal life finds offensive. All living creatures (except troglodytes) within 30 feet of a Wedge of Fury must succeed on a DC 17 Fortitude save or be sickened for 10 rounds. The save DC is made up out of thin air. Creatures that successfully save cannot be affected by the same Wedge of Fury’s stench for 24 hours. A delay poison or neutralize poison spell removes the effect from the sickened creature. Creatures with immunity to poison are unaffected, and creatures resistant to poison receive their normal bonus on their saving throws.​

 

[cignus_pfaccari]

Wealth. Prosperity. All things come to those who own this item.

Made from the milk of Infernal cattle, the Wedge of Cheese is occasionally inserted into mortal society by forces unknown. No baatezu can claim absolutely that they made it or inserted it into their schemes, because it shows up from time to time without their doing. Or, usually, their knowledge. The Wedge of Cheese is unremarkable in any way, though it has a tendency to avoid notice, especially when food is being prepared.

There are no straight mechanical effects in a regular D&D game; the Wedge of Cheese instead brings about general prosperity on the domain of the owner. Livestock multiply, crops grow abundantly, trade deals are remarkably profitable. If the owner of the Cheese is a feudal landlord, his subjects also benefit from the same effect. (Should the DM wish there to be mechanical effects, particularly in a game with domain rules, absurdly high bonuses for growth and interaction are called for)

However, should the Cheese leave the owner's possession intact, the owner suffers a backlash from the ultimate loss of capital. His prosperity (and that of his subjects) plummets, as he suffers crop failure, his herds sicken and die, and his trade deals wither and die as bandits steal his caravans and he's cheated mercilessly by his partners.

The former owner will have a subconscious realization that the Cheese was there, and was the source of his fortune, and he will bend all his efforts to getting it back.

The Wedge of Cheese is quite tasty, too.

Brad

 

[RangerWickett]

Amusing. In the latest adventure of War of the Burning Sky, the big treasure haul includes this entry:

Mystery. Something that appears to be a block of cheese with one slice cut out of it. It detects as possessing overwhelming necromantic magic, but all attempts to identify its powers fail. (Market value 200 gp as a curio).

I, too, got the idea from Piratecat.

 

[Piratecat]

Yup. My players referred to it as the "Wheel of Woe." Any attempt to identify failed, in the sense that the ceiling might fall on you or you got the inexplicable urge to badly pee just as the identify spell was going off. My players tried to figure out what it was for something like three game sessions, and it irked them with delight. Or something.

In my game, there was actually an artifact in the cheese, and the cheese itself was a little stinky but otherwise fine. It took them some time before they tried it, though.

 

[Rystil Arden]

I had a very large wedge of cheese once in a 2nd-edition game that reproduced the effects from one of the many Wands of Wonder. There was also a Lich who specialised in cheese-based magic, including his dreaded Swiss Cheese of Mind Control, which would make any who ate it his dominated minion.

 

[IamTheTest]

The cheese absorbs all of your items and wealth. The Cheese Stands Alone!

 

[Thurbane]

Any who eat of it must save or become were-rats?