Shazman said:
I've had to cancel both my D&D sessions this weeked to watch my SO's bratty, undisciplined kids.
I'm assuming SO is female and you are male, arestrictly for ease of typing. If it's some other situation, just switch gender-sensitive references where applicable. I'm also broadly assuming that this is not a casual or brand spanking new relationship. Should either be the case, ignore everything written below and simply make it clear to your SO that you have no intentions of getting into a serious relationship with a parent, and therefore you are not going to babysit.
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SO may be guilty of placing childcare responsibilities on your shoulders in such a way that it is unnecessary (e.g. SO's parents are close by and would happily watch the kids during your regular gaming time) or truly unfair (e.g. SO expects you to watch the kids every Saturday and Sunday so that she can go pursue her own solo recreation, whilst being unwilling to compromise to allow you time to do the same). But if SO is off working or taking care of other necessary responsibilities, and the fact that you're the only person who can watch the kids at these times just happens to be blowing your gaming schedule to heck, well... did it ever occur to you that you chose to enter a relationship with a SO who had kids, and that something this was a definite possibility?
If you are not willing to ever "babysit" the children you were somehow duped into having to include in your relationship with their mother, then end the relationship now, because it will never work out in the long run. Do you expect your SO to continue to live as a single parent forever and a day while you continue to live as a childless man, under the same roof (one day, if not currently)? Being in a serious romantic relationship - with anyone, kids or no kids - necessitates a willingness on behalf of both of you to compromise and even make
some sacrifices to integrate your individual lives into a shared life together. It also necessitates the maturity to not blame your SO for having to make those compromises and sacrifices.
It's probably going to become a regular occurance, and I may be forced to quit gaming altogether. I'm not asking for advice, just venting. It's one thing to quit because of burnout or a hectic shedule, it's quite another to be forced to quit by someone else.
It is unacceptable for a single, childless person to get into a serious relationship with a single parent and then proceed to treat the children involved as consequential burdens. In entering such a relationship, you chose to eventually become a parent figure, if not a full-fledged parent, to your SO's children, assuming responsibility for them as though they were your own. That may mean necessary compromise, or even giving up some of the things you love, due to having to take care of them. That is never "babysitting," so if you're well into this relationship and still see it as that, it's time to take a hard look at said relationship's reality and think about whether or not you can live with it.
I've seen others forced out of the game by an SO, and I pittied them. Now the same thing is happening to me, and I just want to die.
Having a SO nag you to quit gaming for no good reason or for selfish reasons is entirely different than the responsibilties of the life and the relationship you got yourself into forcing you to quit. The latter is not a case of person insisting that you quit, even if it is their specific responsibilities that create the problem. It is far more accurately described as the hectic schedule of the shared responsibilities you assumed in your relationship forcing the quit. And didn't you say that'd be a very different situation?
It seems pretty clear, despite all the unanswered questions, that your SO's kids don't rate highly on your list of priorities. Referring to them us undisciplined brats doesn't convey any affection for them whatsoever, let alone tolerance. Raging to the point of loss of coherent thought about how they're screwing up your life and specifically not wanting any advice, for example, from parents on the board who manage to game with kids of all ages running all over the house, shows nothing but a total lack of willingness to make any compromise on the issue whatsoever.
If I'm reading into that correctly, do them a favour and get out of your SO's life, and theirs. That dynamic under one roof, where a formerly-single parent's SO has nothing but barely concealed (let alone open) contempt for the children involved is sheer poison. If you don't want kids and all of the responsibilities that come with them, you're in the wrong relationship.
