Jack7
First Post
I put up reviews of Beowulf, and, Quantum of Solace on my blog.
I guess I can post it here too.
If not then just take down everything but the link.
Beowulf - Or How Our Director Almost Grew Up to Re-invent the Bomb
I literally forced myself to watch most of this. I think I was in a mood for the self-infliction of pain. Maybe I just couldn't believe my eyes. Like when you stumble upon a scene of slaughter and can't really stomach what you're looking at, but then again, you can't really look away either. Come to think of it however it wasn't like that. It wasn't nearly that fascinating.
It was just kind of embarrassing, like when you're a teen and have a dream of being naked in front of your class and wake up to realize it was all just a nightmare. Nah, I take that back. It wasn't that good either. I am kinda embarrassed to say I watched it, any part of it, but then again I did so in my own home, with no-one else around, and it was dark. Still, I've come to appreciate the reason for why no-one rented it at the video movie store I frequent. A copy was given to me for free by a friend of mine and I was told, "Watch this, you really won't believe it." He was right of course, but damn you buddy, that was awfully cruel too. I'm now reassessing my definition of "friendship." And it really wasn't free either cause that's time I've now lost forever to entropy. It was more like a free ice-pick to the temple after a cross country run and your blood pressure has skyjacked.
Anywho I felt sorry for the actors in the thing. I felt sorry for the audience. I felt sorry for myself. I even felt sorry for my buddy, after all he watched it before I did. The one guy I didn't feel sorry for was the director. Maybe the writer too. They both got what they deserved I reckon.
I did watch some of the "special feature" of the making of the film. A Hero's Journey I think it was called. I use hero in the same sense as the sandwich when the meat and cheese have gone bad, and film in the same sense as an inoperable cataract. I must say though I was extremely impressed by the maturity of the director in his approach to his work. It was a little bit like watching an eight year old go on excitedly about his first four letter word learned on MTV. Great job, kid! You'll knock em dead at Carnegie Hall.
Still, we live in a world where that kinda thing can be inflicted on unsuspecting viewers by just any old director (though I already had an idea about this claptrap, from the first preview I ever saw, so forewarned just wasn't good enough for me I guess) and the only real public consequence is a quick trip to the rarely watched DVD bin. Seems like there ought to be some kinda warning at least, if not outright retaliation, if you're gonna do this kind of thing to others, but, alas, I doubt if it would qualify for a class action suit. You gotta have class before that's even possible.
If it was me though I'd vote for a pre-emptive strike with a substantial dose of shock and awe. After all turnabout is fair play. If that don't work then send in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull and see if he can kill off that animated Grendel with a shout of, "I am at least Employed during the recession!" (The point is debatable, but at least the dialogue will be a step up from normal.)
Speaking of that, and in conclusion, let me quote from the brilliant if rarely heard poetic skill of the final script:
I took one of the greatest poems
Of any time
And wrote some
That almost rhymed,
There's a story here
That a kid could write
I finished this thing
In a single nite!!
Yeah, more mead, more mead!
I'm not nearly as drunk
As you'll need to be
To see this thing!
Think they'll give me money
To make a sequel?
Who cares?
I'm gonna remake the Iliad next
With flying wombats and
Call it, Hesiod's Sweet Revenge!"
There will be fornicating
Using real live
Animatrix minotaurs!
Somebody get me a Hero!!!
And a tabby-cat!!!
I'm feeling kinda mean...
Kids beware.
This is what you could grow up to do for a career if you can't get a real job.
Post Script: If you work for Rolling Stone you're gonna love this thing. If though, you happen to be a human being, then take the advice I ignored. Just get malaria instead. It'll be a better use of your time.
Quantum of Solace - The Uncertainty Principle
The last Bond film with Daniel Craig was really terrific. Bond was presented as far more like a real Intel agent, not to mention a fair to middling Dick, though he was as slow as molasses on the up-take sometimes. Especially about the chick. Still he was Action Jackson on the spot, and a brilliant, dogged, relentless, manhunter.
The opening scene of this film made me even more hopeful that the trend would continue. No stupid particle-weapon proof car with sidewinder missiles racks for exhaust pipes and invisible exploding ice picks in the tires, or any other of that stupid kiddy crap. (Speaking of stupid kiddy crap has anybody seen Beowulf?) He was actually taking shrapnel during a car chase. That's something awfully good in a Bond film. (Though I've always wondered, how do you talk the police in Monaco out of arresting and deporting you for causing seventeen million dollars worth of damage on the public streets in broad daylight? I guess the British have their little secrets, don't they? Geez, we can't even render street level terrorists through Italy without somebody screaming that an investigation should go on for twenty years. We need some of that Limey stuff. Whatever they got, it works!)
It went downhill from there though to the more normative type of, Bond gets in a fight, jumps three stories from roof to roof, and doesn't even take a sprained ankle. I guess the guy is made out of Spidey skin or something. You know, punched through a three layer thick brick wall and no broken bones, missing teeth, or skull fractures, maybe just a bad hangnail. I guess Spidermen and British agents have standard-issue shock absorptive body structures and excellent teeth. Just in case.
Still there were awfully good points. Rather than being a techno-Bond like many of the previous incarnations, he was an "environmentalist." Now most Bonds have been that to a degree, of course, but Craig's Bond is much, much better at it. He's "environmentally adaptive." That's an excellent selling point to me. Like watching Jack in 24. A man's gotta rely on what he can find and adapt, after all, he's not always gonna have his special laser/MI-6 teleconferencing micro-computer/satellite communicator/high explosive symtex-Rolex on him, is he? (Where do the Brits get these wonderful toys, and how come we can't get some over here to give out to Batman and the Justice League?) Sometimes you just dress in a rush I guess, while being sniped at, or maybe your atomic powered lithium battery is on the blink because your solar power cuff-link is out for a spit-shine. So I can see that kind of thing playing havoc with being well-prepared if you've accidentally forgotten your flight ring and 33rd and a half-century field gadgets. And yeah, as anyone who knows me can tell ya, I'm a real big believer in the right tool for the right job, but come on guys, it was getting to the point there for awhile where I expected Bond's briefcase to transform into a Killer Robot Gundam Battle-Suit and to see him scream out, "DECEPTICONS OF CHAOS BEWARE!" As he shot into the stratosphere singing, "God save Freddie Mercury!"
So I'm glad to see the new Bond moving in basically the right direction. Away from the Saturday morning cartoon version.
I also like the way Bond handles women under Craig. Less obvious compromising of himself and his mission just for whatever he can water down with a beer and an ass-slap. A guy who'll bed anything that moves is nothing but a huge, dumbass of a walking security risk. Or at least one while he's on his back. So I'm glad to see less of the idiotic-whipped-like-a-teenage-team-mascot Bond and more of a, "is this a danger, and if so, how do I play it exactly, Bond?" Compared to most previous incarnations he's practically a celibate. He even shows a degree of chivalry and concentration when it comes to women. I do though have to send a big shout out to that red-head in the film. I'm usually not real big on red-heads but she was some kinda fire-ball. Babe, I don't know who you are but you look good in a hip length trench coat. (That was a good disguise by the way, you blended in so well. Next time though leave the oiling to Bond. I think your other suitor went overboard with the lubricants.)
I thought the idea behind the way Quantum operated was interesting too. It was definitely a step up in mind-set for Bond's usual international shadow-conspiracy nemeses. No satellite laser, no atomic missile strikes, no global earthquake to make California fall off into the sea, no melting the polar ice cap, just buy a few Banana Republics and get their water supply rights. Simple but effective. Hey guys, see if you can do something with Mexico next time.
All in all it was a good film, with some really interesting scenes.
I just hope they don't start stepping backwards into the typical Bondisms.
I'd like to see a far more real guy evolve over time.
I guess I can post it here too.
If not then just take down everything but the link.
Beowulf - Or How Our Director Almost Grew Up to Re-invent the Bomb
I literally forced myself to watch most of this. I think I was in a mood for the self-infliction of pain. Maybe I just couldn't believe my eyes. Like when you stumble upon a scene of slaughter and can't really stomach what you're looking at, but then again, you can't really look away either. Come to think of it however it wasn't like that. It wasn't nearly that fascinating.
It was just kind of embarrassing, like when you're a teen and have a dream of being naked in front of your class and wake up to realize it was all just a nightmare. Nah, I take that back. It wasn't that good either. I am kinda embarrassed to say I watched it, any part of it, but then again I did so in my own home, with no-one else around, and it was dark. Still, I've come to appreciate the reason for why no-one rented it at the video movie store I frequent. A copy was given to me for free by a friend of mine and I was told, "Watch this, you really won't believe it." He was right of course, but damn you buddy, that was awfully cruel too. I'm now reassessing my definition of "friendship." And it really wasn't free either cause that's time I've now lost forever to entropy. It was more like a free ice-pick to the temple after a cross country run and your blood pressure has skyjacked.
Anywho I felt sorry for the actors in the thing. I felt sorry for the audience. I felt sorry for myself. I even felt sorry for my buddy, after all he watched it before I did. The one guy I didn't feel sorry for was the director. Maybe the writer too. They both got what they deserved I reckon.
I did watch some of the "special feature" of the making of the film. A Hero's Journey I think it was called. I use hero in the same sense as the sandwich when the meat and cheese have gone bad, and film in the same sense as an inoperable cataract. I must say though I was extremely impressed by the maturity of the director in his approach to his work. It was a little bit like watching an eight year old go on excitedly about his first four letter word learned on MTV. Great job, kid! You'll knock em dead at Carnegie Hall.
Still, we live in a world where that kinda thing can be inflicted on unsuspecting viewers by just any old director (though I already had an idea about this claptrap, from the first preview I ever saw, so forewarned just wasn't good enough for me I guess) and the only real public consequence is a quick trip to the rarely watched DVD bin. Seems like there ought to be some kinda warning at least, if not outright retaliation, if you're gonna do this kind of thing to others, but, alas, I doubt if it would qualify for a class action suit. You gotta have class before that's even possible.
If it was me though I'd vote for a pre-emptive strike with a substantial dose of shock and awe. After all turnabout is fair play. If that don't work then send in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull and see if he can kill off that animated Grendel with a shout of, "I am at least Employed during the recession!" (The point is debatable, but at least the dialogue will be a step up from normal.)
Speaking of that, and in conclusion, let me quote from the brilliant if rarely heard poetic skill of the final script:
I took one of the greatest poems
Of any time
And wrote some
That almost rhymed,
There's a story here
That a kid could write
I finished this thing
In a single nite!!
Yeah, more mead, more mead!
I'm not nearly as drunk
As you'll need to be
To see this thing!
Think they'll give me money
To make a sequel?
Who cares?
I'm gonna remake the Iliad next
With flying wombats and
Call it, Hesiod's Sweet Revenge!"
There will be fornicating
Using real live
Animatrix minotaurs!
Somebody get me a Hero!!!
And a tabby-cat!!!
I'm feeling kinda mean...
Kids beware.
This is what you could grow up to do for a career if you can't get a real job.
Post Script: If you work for Rolling Stone you're gonna love this thing. If though, you happen to be a human being, then take the advice I ignored. Just get malaria instead. It'll be a better use of your time.
Quantum of Solace - The Uncertainty Principle
The last Bond film with Daniel Craig was really terrific. Bond was presented as far more like a real Intel agent, not to mention a fair to middling Dick, though he was as slow as molasses on the up-take sometimes. Especially about the chick. Still he was Action Jackson on the spot, and a brilliant, dogged, relentless, manhunter.
The opening scene of this film made me even more hopeful that the trend would continue. No stupid particle-weapon proof car with sidewinder missiles racks for exhaust pipes and invisible exploding ice picks in the tires, or any other of that stupid kiddy crap. (Speaking of stupid kiddy crap has anybody seen Beowulf?) He was actually taking shrapnel during a car chase. That's something awfully good in a Bond film. (Though I've always wondered, how do you talk the police in Monaco out of arresting and deporting you for causing seventeen million dollars worth of damage on the public streets in broad daylight? I guess the British have their little secrets, don't they? Geez, we can't even render street level terrorists through Italy without somebody screaming that an investigation should go on for twenty years. We need some of that Limey stuff. Whatever they got, it works!)
It went downhill from there though to the more normative type of, Bond gets in a fight, jumps three stories from roof to roof, and doesn't even take a sprained ankle. I guess the guy is made out of Spidey skin or something. You know, punched through a three layer thick brick wall and no broken bones, missing teeth, or skull fractures, maybe just a bad hangnail. I guess Spidermen and British agents have standard-issue shock absorptive body structures and excellent teeth. Just in case.
Still there were awfully good points. Rather than being a techno-Bond like many of the previous incarnations, he was an "environmentalist." Now most Bonds have been that to a degree, of course, but Craig's Bond is much, much better at it. He's "environmentally adaptive." That's an excellent selling point to me. Like watching Jack in 24. A man's gotta rely on what he can find and adapt, after all, he's not always gonna have his special laser/MI-6 teleconferencing micro-computer/satellite communicator/high explosive symtex-Rolex on him, is he? (Where do the Brits get these wonderful toys, and how come we can't get some over here to give out to Batman and the Justice League?) Sometimes you just dress in a rush I guess, while being sniped at, or maybe your atomic powered lithium battery is on the blink because your solar power cuff-link is out for a spit-shine. So I can see that kind of thing playing havoc with being well-prepared if you've accidentally forgotten your flight ring and 33rd and a half-century field gadgets. And yeah, as anyone who knows me can tell ya, I'm a real big believer in the right tool for the right job, but come on guys, it was getting to the point there for awhile where I expected Bond's briefcase to transform into a Killer Robot Gundam Battle-Suit and to see him scream out, "DECEPTICONS OF CHAOS BEWARE!" As he shot into the stratosphere singing, "God save Freddie Mercury!"
So I'm glad to see the new Bond moving in basically the right direction. Away from the Saturday morning cartoon version.
I also like the way Bond handles women under Craig. Less obvious compromising of himself and his mission just for whatever he can water down with a beer and an ass-slap. A guy who'll bed anything that moves is nothing but a huge, dumbass of a walking security risk. Or at least one while he's on his back. So I'm glad to see less of the idiotic-whipped-like-a-teenage-team-mascot Bond and more of a, "is this a danger, and if so, how do I play it exactly, Bond?" Compared to most previous incarnations he's practically a celibate. He even shows a degree of chivalry and concentration when it comes to women. I do though have to send a big shout out to that red-head in the film. I'm usually not real big on red-heads but she was some kinda fire-ball. Babe, I don't know who you are but you look good in a hip length trench coat. (That was a good disguise by the way, you blended in so well. Next time though leave the oiling to Bond. I think your other suitor went overboard with the lubricants.)
I thought the idea behind the way Quantum operated was interesting too. It was definitely a step up in mind-set for Bond's usual international shadow-conspiracy nemeses. No satellite laser, no atomic missile strikes, no global earthquake to make California fall off into the sea, no melting the polar ice cap, just buy a few Banana Republics and get their water supply rights. Simple but effective. Hey guys, see if you can do something with Mexico next time.
All in all it was a good film, with some really interesting scenes.
I just hope they don't start stepping backwards into the typical Bondisms.
I'd like to see a far more real guy evolve over time.
