Give it time to realize your crime
Why you have to be a heel?
I have loved AD&D for so long
How can this be real?
Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
You wrote "Unearthed Arcana," words that burn me
I have to ask you now ... why?
When you bought it the binding was already dying
A bunch of cash-grab OP options stuffed in a grimoire
But you say it's the best 1e book ever?
That's a step, a step too far
Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
I ... I do not know how to respond to this. I would present a copy of AD&D's Unearthed Arcana to you so that you could realize the error of your ways as you flip through the pages, but we both know that will never happen, as every single copy of that accursed tome lost its pages within two months because the pages all fell out since it used the worst glue binding ever.
AND THAT WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THE BOOK!* BECAUSE IT SELF-DESTRUCTED BEFORE IT WOULD DESTROY YOUR CAMPAIGN!
Look, I've often said that the late stages of one edition presage the next edition, and in a certain way, UA presaged 2e. NWPs ("skills"), weapon proficiencies, cantrips, some cool spells. But trying to use UA, which was a poorly thought out compendium of quarter-baked ideas from Dragon Magazine, destroyed countless campaigns. Where do I even start?
The alternative character creation mechanism - for humans only (yeah, right). The one that gave you all the minimums you needed, and also let you roll up to 9d6? How about the Barbarian, who was insanely OP ... except you couldn't use them in any adventuring party? Or the Cavalier (and Paladin subclass) who was also insanely OP, but was also balanced by having the drawback that they couldn't be used because of the whole, "Charge and never retreat." The insane demi-human rules that made no sense other than to encourage cheating? Comeliness?
Comeliness?
Oh, and I was being generous with "quarter-baked." The weapon specialization rules were not even 1/8 baked, says the person who was like, "Hey, how about a hand axe killer, amirite?" OA was useable, UA was the effective end of 1e and the OD&D line. I often say that the DSG and WSG were the worst 1e books, but they were simply banal. UA was the book that killed the continuity of the game from 1974 on, and required the 2e reset.
UA should be used as kindling, except the hard cover doesn't burn well and the pages can't be found. UA exists in that special circle of hell reserved for Bards and soulless, dead-eyed elves. It's like being forced to roll on the random harlot table for all eternity.
Anyway, best 1e product? The 1e DMG. Best non-core product?
....hmmm. I'd go with (a) the 1983 World of Greyhawk, (b) the original print Deities & Demigods (the one with the "extra" pantheons), (c) the Fiend Folio, or (d) the Rogue's Gallery, which from a modern perspective was an insanely stupid product, but has a special place in my heart.
*Okay, in fairness, Appendix T, The Nomenclature of Polearms? That was cool too, if only because it made Brad stop equipping all of his Clerics with a Lucern Hammer.
I solved the issue of it's fragile nature by buying the Premium Edition when it came out. : )
I never said the book wasn't flawed, it totally is. Many (ok, most, lol) of it's ideas were poorly implemented. I could have gone with the DMG, and only a few years back, I would have put it here. But re-reading Unearthed Arcana gave me a new appreciation for this ugly duckling of a book. I couldn't imagine playing AD&D without it, even if:
Comeliness is poorly implemented.
Finding things in the book is annoyingly difficult.
Cavaliers are basically unplayable.
Barbarians are awesome, but basically unplayable at low levels ("Bah, get your god magic away from me, I will heal as nature intended- spending two weeks drinking and wenching!").
Thief-Acrobats are...????
Only a true historical weapons buff would care about the polearms.
But the expanded multiclassing (with several intriguing combinations that 2e erased, le sigh), new spells, and new magic items are bright points for me. Also, all of it (well, maybe not the polearms, but that's just my taste- I think in all of my D&D playing years, I've only ever used a longspear and a pike out of all the polearms. Wait, maybe a glaive once. I was going to add lucerne hammer, but that turns out to have been a Pathfinder 1e character) is fun to look at and read.
Anyways, as my list of favorites indicates, I like those books that are transformative, full of new and interesting ideas. I don't really care if they're all good (3.5's UA had "armor as DR"* and bloodlines, bleh!), since I can pick and choose. So I stand by my choice.
In closing however, I did enjoy your song parody. You'd make a great Bard! (^-^)
*I know a lot of people think that they want "armor as dr" because it's more flavorful and evocative of what they feel armor should be doing. But if you're a d20 player, and you think "wow, lower AC's, but you take less damage" is a great idea, I have two words for you to consider: "Power Attack".