Budding Evil Overlords Take Note...

[mac1504]

http://www.kemitix.uklinux.net/humor/overlord.php

 

[mac1504]

Favorites so far:

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless --my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

 

[Jürgen Hubert]

Favorites so far:I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

Ironically, the Nazis did hire a fashion designer for their uniforms...

 

[Dirigible]

Ironically, the Nazis did hire a fashion designer for their uniforms...

Goebels: No, no, Riccardo, I see what you're trying to do with the flared trousers and the bright pink sweaters, it's lovely, it really is... but it doesn't grab me, you see? It doesn't say "Here I am! I'm a Nazi!" It doesn't goose-step into my heart... it doesn't scream out Seig Heil! It's just not... fascistic enough.

Perhaps something in dark grey? Soething severly cut, to flatter the Teutonic tucchy?

 

[Zappo]

This is very, very old. I remember another version something like five times longer, and it was five years ago.

 

[carpedavid]

This site houses the full original list, plus some expansion lists:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

 

[thatdarncat]

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

hehe

 

[Dark Jezter]

Ah yes. The Evil Overlord List. Classic internet humor.

"80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress."

Okay, I'll admit that many BBEGs from D&D campaigns I've participated in are guilty of this one.

 

[Cevalic]

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

I love that one.

I'd actually forgotten about these lists. I'd printed them out a few years ago, and passed them among my gaming group, but of course lost the printouts.