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Ceramic Dm (final judgement posted, New Champion announced!)
- Thread starter alsih2o
- Start date
BSF
Explorer
alsih2o said:The REAL drawback to the internet.
Mad for real doesn't sound like the trash-talking bsf I know....
*laugh*
Thanks Mark!
Macbeth, maybe I should have used more smilies? No, I'm not really mad. Hell, I was happy to make it to the semi-finals.
If I were really mad, I probably wouldn't post anything at all. I try to be good about that. But really, what is there to be mad about in a Ceramic DM? Good banter and tough pics to write some wacky stories around make for some fun posting.
Berandor
lunatic
Congrats, Rodrigo!
*Copy from other thread*
Noskov: I don't really know what to think of this story. I like the idea, but somehow it didn't click with me (yes, I would be a great editor. Kidding! ) I think something about it lies in the flashback part of the story. When writing in first person, you really have the chance to characterize your hero in the way he describes things. Look at "the Arranger" by Piratecat for a good example of it (but many of the stories here will do). The flashback just falls flat for me because, other than his explicit thoughts ("poor Lonnie"), we don't really know how he perceives things.
What did it feel like when he slashed open his brother? What kind of noise did the can opener make when it entered his father's eye? Was it icky, delightful? Is he a sadist, or does he dislike the voilence he dishes out, but caught in his anger, deems it necessary? Does he break down after murdering, or does he relish in his actions?
I alos would have liked to have a small conversation between Lonnie and his brother. Maybe Lonnie rushing up to him to embrace him, and how the main character reacts to it?
Imo picture use was o.k. The fact that he descends before being sentenced to his penance is a nice touch. The shark could have been excised without much ado, I think. I can't really comment on the "face-pic" because I know where it's from, and that likely changes my perception.
A good story, but it could be even better, if only you wouldn't have had to write it in 72 hours. As Zhaneel said, that's the fate of Ceramic DM entries.
Rodrigo Istalindir, Sacrifice:
Generally, I really liked the story. I always like it when fantastical elements and the "real world" are mixed, so the appearance of a were-shark was a cool surprise. Picture use was fine, I think. The rocks/turtle eggs could have been excised from the story without much ado, but the other pics were used better. The shark and the cave were especially central.
In the end, I would have liked a more "Hollywood" ending better, so that the little girl comes to life again when brought into the sea, but that's alright. At least the sharks go hunting.
ETA: after the judges pointed out the symmetry of the turtle eggs and the turtle being eaten at the end, I might have to retract my opinion of that pic's use.
*Copy from other thread*
Noskov: I don't really know what to think of this story. I like the idea, but somehow it didn't click with me (yes, I would be a great editor. Kidding!
) I think something about it lies in the flashback part of the story. When writing in first person, you really have the chance to characterize your hero in the way he describes things. Look at "the Arranger" by Piratecat for a good example of it (but many of the stories here will do). The flashback just falls flat for me because, other than his explicit thoughts ("poor Lonnie"), we don't really know how he perceives things. What did it feel like when he slashed open his brother? What kind of noise did the can opener make when it entered his father's eye? Was it icky, delightful? Is he a sadist, or does he dislike the voilence he dishes out, but caught in his anger, deems it necessary? Does he break down after murdering, or does he relish in his actions?
I alos would have liked to have a small conversation between Lonnie and his brother. Maybe Lonnie rushing up to him to embrace him, and how the main character reacts to it?
Imo picture use was o.k. The fact that he descends before being sentenced to his penance is a nice touch. The shark could have been excised without much ado, I think. I can't really comment on the "face-pic" because I know where it's from, and that likely changes my perception.
A good story, but it could be even better, if only you wouldn't have had to write it in 72 hours. As Zhaneel said, that's the fate of Ceramic DM entries.
Rodrigo Istalindir, Sacrifice:
Generally, I really liked the story. I always like it when fantastical elements and the "real world" are mixed, so the appearance of a were-shark was a cool surprise. Picture use was fine, I think. The rocks/turtle eggs could have been excised from the story without much ado, but the other pics were used better. The shark and the cave were especially central.
In the end, I would have liked a more "Hollywood" ending better, so that the little girl comes to life again when brought into the sea, but that's alright. At least the sharks go hunting.
ETA: after the judges pointed out the symmetry of the turtle eggs and the turtle being eaten at the end, I might have to retract my opinion of that pic's use.
Last edited:
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
alsih2o said:I realize this is tkaing a while, but I promise we are judging our little fingers to the bone!
Soon, my pretties, soon.
The effort is appreciated. This will be the first critical evaluation of my writing since High School. It never happened in college for me. All I am doing these days is Story Hours and creating adventures. I'm a big boy don't hold back.
GW
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