Round Three - Match One
Orchid Blossom:
I’m going to do this judgement a bit differently than the others, as well as keep it short and sweet. Partially because I’m behind on getting this out and don’t want to keep you waiting, and also because both stories were so solid that there isn’t a lot to critique without getting into the real nitty gritty. If either of you are interested in the nitty gritty, let me know and I can send you an annotated pdf in a few days. You should be about to read the comments even if you only have Adobe reader.
Rodrigo’s story pulled me in quickly, right in the first scene, but I was a bit distracted wanting to know exactly what sect this community was, and how accurate the portrayal was. Things were kept pretty general, probably on purpose so it could be any sect, but it was a distraction for me.
The only other complaint I can make is that I wanted a little bit more.
Not longer, but a little more detail, a few more telling comments to fill in the character’s personalities, especially in regards to Emily. Her situation is definitely not good, and her reactions are what we’d expect of any teenage girl who would suddenly find herself pregnant, no matter where she lives. So it doesn’t necessarily tell us anything about Emily in particular. What I really needed was something to strength her decision at the end to call off family services and stay. It wasn’t startling, but it could have been stronger.
I had a harder time plugging into Piratecat’s story. The superhero angle was definitely unexpected, and after all the dark stories in the competition it was a relief to see something more lighthearted. I’m not a comic book fan so I think some of it was lost on me. I think the fast pace of the writing was at odds with the length of the story. The fast writing felt like it should get to the climax sooner. I could see all the writer's techniques he was using, which was enjoyable on one level, but distracting on another.
As always with Piratecat, there was plenty of enjoyable banter between the characters that also served the purpose of exposing their personalities.
The story was bright and vivid, with a dark undertone, which is just what should happen with the bad guys around.
Picture use:
Picture use was fairly even between the two. A man covered in babies… no surprise to see Piratecat making them armor but it made me giggle. For Rodrigo this is the big reveal, the evil that is wrong in the sect. Both are a big moment in the story.
The transvestite is more important in Piratecat’s story. It’s a disguise, something that sucks the superheroes in. It’s a bit out of place in Rodrigo’s story. We never get a sense of Fat Brian as being wild. I wondered when reading that part why he was dressed like that and there was never an answer.
Funny how the giant lily pad was used in a very similar way in both pictures.
I think my favorite is the face in both stories. The meat package visual is just gross, but it foreshadows the power that our Architect of Flesh has. In Rodrigo’s story it is the conflict between the sect and the modern world in miniature, all in Fat Brian’s face. Is this what happens when you defy your elders, or is this what happens when you become insular and hide from the rest of the world?
This is a really hard judgement, once again. There have been a lot of those in this competition. I’m going with Rodrigo by a hair, for a story that grabbed on.
Herremann
Piratecat vs. Rodrigo Istalindir
And so now it comes time to decide who else should make the final of the Winter ’07 Ceramic DM. I am still without a Gnopf and so have with ‘Lady Death’s help, I am using one of the court fey to relay the images verbally to the jury of imps. I’m not entirely sure how this will go…
“Good members of the court… and evil members of the court, this evening I have a contest of pure delight to cast before you for your careful judgment and discrimination. Your task is to try and gauge some measure of difference in quality between the two offerings submitted for ‘Lady Death’s ultimate enjoyment. In essence, I need your fullest attention and skill in this matter. If we may begin with the march of the offerings please.”
The two imps, this time dressed in shades of dark kiln and squash conveyed a scroll each, carefully and with respect and dignity. Bowing before me, they then placed the two submissions upon the altar, one of them unfurling to reveal a hidden comic book.
“Ahhh, my court of fiends and fey, listen if you will to two incredibly well crafted offerings. Piratecat has plunged right into the superhero comic mode with Rubber Band and Loophole versus Monolith, the Octobomination and the Architect of Flesh while Rodrigo has delved into a dark sect and the struggles of a young pregnant girl to free herself from the camps secretly corrupted touch. Both were magnificent in their own right… but now to decide and discriminate between them.” I tapped the scythe excitedly to get things moving.
“Piratecat has weaved together something only a true connoisseur of the comic genre could. I could see the cover, I could cheer for our heroes and I wanted the villains to suffer. I was the boy with the flashlight under the covers! Perhaps this is the best accolade I can give this wonderful offering.”
“As a piece representing a comic book, I found it thoroughly convincing. The shortened, almost staccato paragraphs fitted the comic book framework perfectly - to the point where I believe the piece could be turned into an actual comic with minimal effort - just some good over the top illustrations. The use of colour and formatting so rarely used in Ceramic DM entries add to the comic book feel as well. Overall I thought this a beautifully crafted submission that did everything that was asked of it.”
“Rodrigo has gone one step further though in terms of story. This one simply drew me in and did not let go for the duration. Was it perfect? No. Was it good? No, it was brilliant! However, I will add a few comments of issues that took just a little bit of the gloss off for me. Firstly was the increased number of typos: through/ threw, no/know etc. and missing words. Secondly was that I could almost feel Rodrigo rushing to get this done. Like Piratecat, he has traversed incredibly well through a terrible set of pictures but I wonder at what expense in terms of time? The abbreviated (or maybe rushed) ending worked OK for me but I think if Rodrigo had have had more time; the sharp edges could have been rounded off somewhat. In the end though, these were just minor distractions - the offering as a whole was incredibly well conceived.”
“And so good jury, on the one hand we have Piratecat’s complete and well polished offering and on the other, we have Rodrigo’s brilliant story that almost lives up to its fantastic potential. Which way shall you swing things? On what footing shall our contestants start the judgment? Please imps of the jury, vote with a will.”
The imps were genuinely passionate. They jumped around imploring others this way and that as factions were created and broken. In the end, the twenty-three imps of the jury gave the lead to Piratecat by the smallest of margins, twelve imps to Rodrigo’s eleven. There was serious tension in the air, as if things would explode if I did not keep a firm lid on proceedings.
“Thank you imps, and may I remind you that some measure of decorum is required so we can finish this judgment promptly.” I gave ‘Lady Death’ a crack to emphasise the point.
“And now it is time to judge how well each of our contestants used the each of the images. A more dastardly set of images seems difficult to imagine.” I gave a nod to the beautiful fey that was nearby. She spoke in a language that sounded like the washes of a dream, of the moment when one wakes from deepest slumber. Unfortunately I did not understand a word of it, but hopefully it was enough to make up for the usual visual image upon the back of my garage wall under the giant Elm.
“Good fiends, our first image is of a young man frocked up replete with a wig of blond curls. Piratecat has used this for monolith’s receptionist disguise while Rodrigo presents the tortured image of Fat Brian, a boy adrift from the beliefs of his commune. Piratecat has twisted this image for comic relief, while Rodrigo explores a haunting alienation, which is almost repeated with the primary character Emily. In fact, Rodrigo has explored this bizarre image in what I thought a very poignant way. The agonised and pained exclamation from Fat Brian’s father ‘my boy… my boy!’ later in the piece spoke of the build up of love and grief spilled for this image of Fat Brian. The conflict between man and woman captured by this image is beautifully explored and repeated in a conflict between sect and emancipation.”
The imps shifted in several directions before finally settling upon a mutual combination. Rodrigo had now dramatically taken the lead fourteen imps to nine over Piratecat.
I tapped ‘Lady Death’ a single time acknowledging the shift whilst the fey started once more in her beautiful language, describing a floating leaf, surrounded by eight people, deep in the pond.
“And here is the beginning of the Octobomination. I have to say that I absolutely loved this! While perhaps not describing the true tenor of the image, I still thought this excellent use. The reference to the giant water lily was a brilliant way to convey the superiority of our arch-villain, of one who is most refined in attention to detail. Double thumbs up!!!”
“I found Rodrigo’s ritual suitable and a most climactic way of dealing with Emily’s termination of pregnancy. However, there was something not wholly convincing about it. In the end, I think Piratecat was able to draw just a little bit more out of this one.”
The imps once again instructed to convey their perspective jumped around a little more than before. I advanced forward as several scuffles threatened and this was enough to contain their enthusiasm for the process. With many a harsh word spoken from one faction of imps to the other, Piratecat had clawed his way back to being just behind Rodrigo. It was now Rodrigo with twelve imps to PC’s eleven as the tension over who would finally win grew.
The fey then spent twenty minutes attempting to describe the many facets of the keystone cops image for the imps so they could interpret it in the correct context.
“Has their been a more difficult or obfuscating image than this one? An image at such discord with its partners? Maybe but I thought this image teased our competitors mercilessly.”
“Piratecat has initially performed one of the classic image “mistakes” if you will of using the image as an image (tv program) but then he delightfully turns this around with the death of the Octobomination. Capturing the falling motion of the cops tumbling over each other was incredibly clever. In terms of picture-use, this was a great feint and strike. What at first was poor was turned in on itself into brilliance. Very well done!”
“Rodrigo has taken a much straighter approach in Emily’s police station visit. Again this was suitable use but not in the spectacular category.”
The imps were commanded for opinion and with only slight disagreement, the balance swayed back in Piratecat’s favour, twelve imps to eleven.
With a nod the fey continued a truly epic description of the face behind plastic wrap.
“Now this was a great image that was well used by both participants. For Piratecat it is the bizarre return of the boss while Rodrigo pairs the image up with the first, of the torturously burned Fat Brian. If you are looking at getting the gang back together, what better way than packaging your face behind shrinkwrap? This is so weirdly bizarre it works. Rodrigo’s interpretation works equally well, allowing us to see Emily in a modern environment and draw an interesting perspective of the sect’s view and fear of modern technology - the irony being that the technology was not powerful enough to save Fat Brian. While this was a thread I had worked out, I think I still would have liked to see it developed further to expand upon the slim conclusion. Still though, excellent image use.”
The imps then tittered this way and that but in the end, there was no overall movement, the balance remaining slightly in Piratecat’s favour despite a high degree of verballing.
At this point I called a small recess while I dared to go back inside for a toilet break - this was getting all too exciting, even for me. When I returned, the court was in a state of delirium. A major scuffle had developed between a pair of Piratecat supporters and one of the extraneous court staff. I lifted “Lady Death’ in the air, a beam of dark shadow issuing outward. The court stopped as the snaking stream of shadow engulfed the hapless court imp. An explosion of impish flesh and fluid littered the backyard but it was enough to restore complete order. With a cough and a nod, I got the fey to continue with a description of the fifth image, a lone carriage travelling down a long and storm-ridden road.
“Piratecat uses this image as the ‘clever’ get away for the Fratelli brothers. However, what better way for our Superheroes to make their entrance than outsmarting the “clever” villains? As presented, I thought this was good stuff and well done. However, I think Rodrigo really captured the essence of this picture. The darkness of this image had me right in the pocket from word go. The feel of the sect, the darkness of the subject matter, and the use of the road as a portent of what was to come were brilliant. I love it when competitors not only take a literal interpretation of an image, but then take the mood and atmosphere presented and inculcate it into their story too. For me, this was very strong use by Rodrigo too. Please imps of the jury, find your penultimate position and make your stand.”
The imps launched into each other. I cracked the scythe several times (wary of killing off any more imps) and slowly, the scuffles broke into harsh words. The end result was a shift going back to Rodrigo, twelve imps to Piratecat’s eleven. Yow this was close. The imps were pumped for the final description - that of a baby covered man.
The imps chortled at the description presented by the fey. Their imaginations had run wild on what I think was a tough but oh-so-appropriate Ceramic DM picture.
“And so it will come down to this, the final picture. Piratecat has given us the horrific image of the Architect of Flesh meshed with dozens of babies stolen from a nearby hospital. Believable? You bet! What better way for the villain to finally trap the Superheroes! Combined with the face image, this made perfect sense for our villain - although I still wonder how you guys come up with such fantastically brilliant ideas. Rodrigo on the other hand has given us a glimpse of Emily’s father and the ultimate dark secret of the sect. Believable? Yes… and no. I would have liked to have seen this built up a fraction more with greater dramatic impact but as is, I thought it still very good use.”
“And so good imps, find your final positions and give unto ‘Lady Death’ her penultimate meal.”
The imps dashed this way and that as factions dissolved and new alliances were created and faltered once again. A fight appeared in the back ranks, quickly degenerating into an all in melee. Several cracks of the scythe later and still they persisted. The two groups were evenly defined with several from each side trying to pull the fattest imp in between them to their side. The huge imp was grabbed by his feet from one side and his four claws on the other as each side tried to claim the winning imp. The swell and pull rippled across his flesh as the tension increased with more imps helping out, grabbing any part they could see. The result was inevitable. The imp was rent, its body spraying in several directions, both sides collapsing to their final positions like the Keystone Cops.
I quickly consulted with my main assisting imp who informed me that past precedence would have to be taken into account. I gloriously tapped the scythe.
“Good imps, thank you for your decision. With eleven imps, a leg, a knee and foot and a pelvis, I award the final result to Piratecat. Thank you imps of the jury for your considered deliberation.”
Yangnome
Rodrigo:
Interesting, dark story. You definitely set a good mood here through outstanding use of the cart picture. You did a good job of hinting towards problems early in the story with the mention of problem pregnancies.
I felt my attention get distracted in the middle, during the Fat Brian portion of the story. I think some fine tuning could help a bit with the progression of the tension. We’re told about the issues with the newborns/pregnancies, and then it is set aside. I think this is a really hard balance to find in a horror story though, between telling enough to keep the reader interested, but not telling so much you kill tension (or overdo tension).
I do like the fact you had a down ending, I thought it played very nicely here. I would have liked to have seen a reason why she succumbed to the will of the commune though. Did she see the light, or was all hope lost with her pregnancy/death of Fat Brian, or did they find some way to brain wash her? Perhaps you left this for the reader to ponder. I do think the story might have carried deeper meaning had you gone into more depth here.
I felt your picture use was mixed. Your buggy picture was great and really set the tone for the story. The man in baby armor was good, but a bit jarring; it might have been nice to have more lead up to this one. The rest weren’t all that inspiring. Sure, you used the pictures, but nothing all that surprising and most of the incidences probably weren’t illustration worthy.
Pirate Cat:
The thing I love about this story is it doesn’t apologize for what it is. You tell us you’re going to bring us a comic book story written for 12 year olds and you deliver. It was fun, light-hearted and well written. I’m not a big fan of comic books, but your wordplay and one-liners made the story a fun read anyway. The downside to this type story, by its nature, is that I won’t take away a greater message or deeper meaning. This is fine when reading a comic book, but when competing against other stories, it might make yours a bit weak in comparison.
I have mixed feelings about the introduction. It definitely tells us what we are getting into, and what to expect, but it doesn’t really fit with what you were trying to achieve.
Your picture use was mixed. The man in baby armor was great, as was the meat head. The lily pad conference table was ok and lead to your creature (which probably could have been better used), though I felt that the buggy scene was a bit out of place and the keystone cops scene seemed like a bit of a cheap use, especially given the nature of your story. The man in drag might have seen better use as well.
This is by far the most difficult decision for me to make in this tournament by far. To that measure, a very good job to both of you. I really could see this one going either way. I’m going to cast my vote for Rodrigo for a more gripping story.
Rodrigo wins this match 2-1 and moves on to the final round.
PS: Damn am I looking forward to this final!!! 
