Angel's Holocaust
First Post
I'm not sure how many of you out there know of the term "writeing while hot" for those who dont know its basically getting a train of thought out of your head onto paper as quickly as possible no matter how badly it reads.
I did that with a character description at writers group yesterday, however when i imagine a character first thier always doing something
The first paragraph in this writing is what i wrote originally while imagining it (sorry its pretty darn aweful writing but as i said getting it out of your head as quickly as possible) and the second paragraph is what my friend matthew imagined when he read what i'd written.
My question and problem is And yes this is a D&D character.
I need to get perspectives on what people see while reading what i have written. I dont exactly want to ask blatantly what are some better descriptive words that people feel could have been used VS what i have. But what people imagine when they read the small paragraph i have written. As unorthadox as it might seem having someone else tell me what they think i am trying to say back to me helps me explain it to myself better (sounds kinda odd)
This character is kinda important for a few reasons A. its my first D&D character B. I've had this character in mind for quite some time but originally not in a rpg perspective i plan on using this character for a story i'm writing (fantasy).
What has been written is just a vague physical description.
The descriptions:
What i wrote:
A young woman gazed into the mirror blankly. She was in her early to mid 20's. Her hair was not long nor short either. It was about shoulder length a dark brown that was almost black. The light shining through the bedroom window which stood ajar showed it as a dark red down its parted middle and length tip edge whatever, her skin smooth pale yet not too white like porcelin. Her face round and not long. Her eyes are clear blue (crystal) Her lips thin. She wore a necklace of brown intricatlly designed lace with a ring at teh bottom of its length. its colour gold. She was not tall nor short standing at a modest 5'6" tall. Thigh High brown leather boots with turned down tops.
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Matt:
A young woman gazed into the mirror blankly. The reflection looking back at her was that of a girl in her early 20's. She had shoulder length hair of a decpetive colour. The light coming into the room from the bedroom window showed it as an almost black dark brown colour, with dark red appearing along its part and tips. Her skin shone with a luminesence in the reflection of the moonlight, showing off her near porcelain doll looks.
As you can probably see it changed perspective regularly and needs to be cleaned up considerally and fixed completely but this was one of those i gotta write it down no matter how to commit it to memory.
I did that with a character description at writers group yesterday, however when i imagine a character first thier always doing something
The first paragraph in this writing is what i wrote originally while imagining it (sorry its pretty darn aweful writing but as i said getting it out of your head as quickly as possible) and the second paragraph is what my friend matthew imagined when he read what i'd written.
My question and problem is And yes this is a D&D character.
I need to get perspectives on what people see while reading what i have written. I dont exactly want to ask blatantly what are some better descriptive words that people feel could have been used VS what i have. But what people imagine when they read the small paragraph i have written. As unorthadox as it might seem having someone else tell me what they think i am trying to say back to me helps me explain it to myself better (sounds kinda odd)
This character is kinda important for a few reasons A. its my first D&D character B. I've had this character in mind for quite some time but originally not in a rpg perspective i plan on using this character for a story i'm writing (fantasy).
What has been written is just a vague physical description.
The descriptions:
What i wrote:
A young woman gazed into the mirror blankly. She was in her early to mid 20's. Her hair was not long nor short either. It was about shoulder length a dark brown that was almost black. The light shining through the bedroom window which stood ajar showed it as a dark red down its parted middle and length tip edge whatever, her skin smooth pale yet not too white like porcelin. Her face round and not long. Her eyes are clear blue (crystal) Her lips thin. She wore a necklace of brown intricatlly designed lace with a ring at teh bottom of its length. its colour gold. She was not tall nor short standing at a modest 5'6" tall. Thigh High brown leather boots with turned down tops.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matt:
A young woman gazed into the mirror blankly. The reflection looking back at her was that of a girl in her early 20's. She had shoulder length hair of a decpetive colour. The light coming into the room from the bedroom window showed it as an almost black dark brown colour, with dark red appearing along its part and tips. Her skin shone with a luminesence in the reflection of the moonlight, showing off her near porcelain doll looks.
As you can probably see it changed perspective regularly and needs to be cleaned up considerally and fixed completely but this was one of those i gotta write it down no matter how to commit it to memory.
