Classic Lines from Players

[doseyclwn]

Had a good one today. There are two that come to mind right at first.

1)I was running a party through "return to the temple of elemental evil". An 8th level Half-Orc barbarian was transported to another plane. He sees a big huge prison surrounded by tall gates. A Solar appears and says "Get ye gone, lest ye perish". The barbarian says "I don't like his attitude", and charges. Needless to say, the guy had to roll up another character.

2)A party of 3 10th level adventurers was sitting in the office of Bigby who was VERY busy. After a few minutes of sitting in his office waiting for him to be finished with whatever he was doing, Bigby looks up from his desk and says "Can I help you?". The pc says "Yeah, you can get me a beer".

 

[akchf]

One I think almost every character of mine has said at some point:
"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

 

[3d6]

This is from a d20 Modern game. After hitting a minotaur with a stun gun to no effect, the player says "I use Heroic Surge to run away."

 

[Krieg]

1st Ed campaign, player looks at the character sheet of his 20th Lvl Wizard & mentions off-hand... "Hey, whaddya know...I'm an Arch-Mage!" (...and you have been for quite some time genius!) lol

 

[Greatwyrm]

In one of the 2e Castle Greyhawk modules, you can pay a group of dwarves to let you in to one of the towers. You can either pay up front or gamble for a portion of what you bring out. At the time, we were going into the tower with a party of seven dwarves (no, I'm not kidding). I was the sickly one in the group, with a CON of 18. When the dwarves ask for their terms, our lead fighter replied, "I've got a better idea -- poison drinking contest. Any of us against any of you." We never got a taker.

 

[jeffh]

A former GM of mine rolled a random encounter with ONE briggand. Here's how he played it out:

Guy on a horse confronts our group of like, seven adventurers, one very obviously a knight who could probably cut him down easily, and orders us to surrender our goods or his archers will lay waste to us. After several of us look around and fail to see these archers, some of us begin to suspect, rightly as it turns out, that the guy is bluffing and the archers don't exist. So somebody demands that the archers show themselves, and the guy gets all huffy. "My archers aren't foolish enough to show themselves! Why should they need to, anyway?"

Our barbarian looks at him and asks, very slowly, "Are you ashamed of your archers?"

 

[Maliki]

Back in 2nd edition days I was running a game when an 8th level dwarf fighter, with super stats, a pair of magical battle axes(he was specialized with them), along with a 7th level NPC fighter and another PC of equal level encountered four goblins. The dwarf says "Stand back I'll handle this!" He won iniative and killed three of the four. The lone goblin cornered and desperate swung and scored a crit (we were using a chart from an old dragon mag) the dwarf was gutted and killed instantly. He has yet to live that down.

 

[Maliki]

In another game the party thought that a batch of stew might be poisoned so the bard says to the 1/2 orc fighter "You have the best saves, you try it."
He didn't make it. The character and the player were both very gullable.

 

[VirgilCaine]

Newbie DM and Newbie Player

I'm the DM and the party has just fought a Yeth Hound, which is this black dog-like outsider that can fly.

It went something like this:
DM: "Okay, he (PC2) goes into the cave, and the gnolls are in a little circle collecting trophies off the body."
PC1: (has a penchant for trophies) "Okay, I cut out some of its spinal bones and take some of the feathers from the wings."
DM: "Wings? What wings?"
PC1: "You said it was flying a minute ago!"

Silly me, I had forgot to mention the lack of wings the Yeth Hound had... Ah well.

 

[heimdall]

In a Vampire game I was running, the PCs were engaged against a very old vampire of great power. They had the upper hand, however, due to sheer numbers and raw violence. What took the cake was when I asked one of the players how he was attacking. His reply was, "I bite his big toe!" Drained him dry he did. All from the big toe.