Classic Lines from Players

[htetickrt]

I had a brand-new 3rd level druid in a brand-new 3E Dark Sun Campaign, in which we began stripped of all items, lacking all but a couple spells, and locked in a cage with a couple of adventure hooks. After escaping and climbing the stairs, we beheld a score slavers, all decked out like fighter-types.

I said, "We can take 'em! Let's go!"

The other three players said, "Are you crazy?"

Metagaming, I said, "It's not like they could all be 3rd level, right?"

Turns out, they were all third level. Luckily, I caused enough of a commotion with my two spells so as to allow everyone else to escape. I only made it--unconscious, of course--by virtue of my animal companion, with whom I had shared a body of the sun spell. The flaming dog scared off enough of the slavers from the door to allow us to escape.

 

[Ibram]

this happened when I was still a new DM:

DM: You guys make your way through the woods up the side of a ridge.
Fighter: I make a spot check
DM: OK
Fighter: Yea, natural twenty! thats 22!
DM: Ok, you see trees and rocks.\
Fighter: What! thats a natural twenty! I have to see something!
DM: OK, you see a rock with some writting on it.
Fighter to wizard: Can you read it?
DM: its written in a language you dont understand
Fighte to wizard: cast read magic and read it.
Wizard: why? its just a rock with some writting on it.
Fighter (who has been playing a bit to much Diablo II): it might be a healing or XP shrine.
Wizard: Ok, I cast read magic and read aloud whats on the stone.
DM: Alright, the ground rummbles, the stone splits and a creature made from screaming shadows appears....

the lesson? dont read strange rocks in the woods.
the other lesson? never tell the DM that you "have to see Something"

 

[Hypersmurf]

"Sod this. I kick the door open, and run through."

needless to say, he ended up surrounded by rogues, half of which were sneak attacking...ahem.

Heh.

A rogue my mother was playing tried to open a secret door 'just a crack' and peek through.

The door, alas, slid completely open on an automatic mechanism. Several bugbears looked up from their game of cards, and attacked.

Later that night - same rogue, different secret door.

"Okay, forget peeking. I throw the door wide and leap through!"
"... it's stairs going down..."

-Hyp.

 

[rei jin]

just read my sig. needless to say i still get ribbed about it.

 

[Falconnan]

Back in 2E, a buddy of mine was playing a swashbuckler. He felt the need to quick draw a rapier in the middle of a tavern, as he was about to be attacked.
The DM ruled he needed to make a Dex check, as no rules were yet officially available.
He rolled an automatic fail. He then failed another to avoid a critical fail.
Said swashbuckler tore rapier from scabbard, and in the same motion, threw it point first into the ceiling of the tavern.
"I won't be needing that against the likes of you!"
Worse yet, he won.

 

[Rel]

"I'll just be sitting on the bed, polishing my rod."

 

[MarauderX]

P1(more than slightly suicidal): "I'll scout ahead to see how many there are"
P2(ranger, only muscle in the party): "if there are more than 5 we don't attack."
P3-5: "Right, if there are more than 5, we leave over the mountains"
P1 to DM: "I made my checks, so I sneak back to the party; how many did I see?"
DM: "Well over 20."
P2(asking in-character, though they just heard the DM): "How many did you see?"
P1: "5, let's get 'em!"

 

[spyscribe]

The player of our party cleric (always one to look at the bright side of a situation) on the group being ambushed in the middle of the night:

"I have no armor... I can run like the wind!"