[CoC] A Lovecraft Christmas

[Mathew_Freeman]

ROFLMAO!

Excellent stuff!

 

[Gunslinger]

ROFLMAO!!!

The only thing it's missing is prolific use of the word "eldritch".

 

[F5]

ROFLMAO!!!

The only thing it's missing is prolific use of the word "eldritch".

And "cyclopean". Eldritch and cyclopean. And maybe some mention of non euclidean fruitcake. I'd love to see the Flying Klaws' belly described as "squamous", but that might be pushing an issue already pushed much, much too far...

Funny stuff!

 

[Rune]

And don't forget blasphemous.

Seriously, though, that was a great story! Thank you, indeed, for sharing it!

 

[Kid Charlemagne]

Found on Usenet, many years ago...

A Cthulhoid Christmas Carol for those in the know...

Twas the night before festival
All through the town
The Shoggoth-pit keepers
Were keeping them down

The cultists were tossing
around in their beds
For visions of Ragnarok
danced in their heads

The bookmarks were placed
in the old tomes with care
In hopes that the formulae
would be found there

When out of the void
There arose such a thunder
I thought that the San Andreas
Fault had gone under

I slammed out the shutters
to take in the sight
of vague monstrous figures
through snow-driven night

They towered miles high
Coming in from the sea
So the townspeople rushed out
and cheered "teke-li!"

Cyclopean horrors
soon waded the streets
Their stride 90 meters
Their wings tattered sheets

They stared straight ahead
If they even had eyes
Calamatous crashes
drowned out human cries

I couldn't help think
as my house was destroyed
I shouldn't have chanted
Nor with formulae toyed

Now the Great Clearing off
in earnest began
Our own reign on the Earth
just a flash in the pan

Our seven great wonders
Our metropoli
Would be ground in the dirt
and hot ash in the sky

With my legs crushed by concrete
And chaos all 'round
I reached to the drawer
where my cyanide's found

I choked out a whisper
Just 'fore the sky fell
"Happy festival, losers,
I'll see you in hell!"

 

[LostSoul]

Ha ha.

I find this very racist, sexist, ageist, and offensive in general.

Moderators, please close this thread.

 

[Rune]

Ha ha.

I find this very racist, sexist, ageist, and offensive in general.

Moderators, please close this thread.

Oh?

 

[LostSoul]

Oh?

If you don't understand, then you're obviously sexit, racist, or ageist. Or, I guess I'll be kind, brainwashed by the media.

I mean, it's so obvious!!!!11!!1!

 

[Rune]

If you don't understand, then you're obviously sexit, racist, or ageist. Or, I guess I'll be kind, brainwashed by the media.

I mean, it's so obvious!!!!11!!1!

But the Emperor isn't wearing any clothes!

 

[KChagga]

Originally posted by LostSoul

Ha ha.

I find this very racist, sexist, ageist, and offensive in general.

Moderators, please close this thread.

Please enlighten us on how this is any of those. Obviously you found it offensive.