Consent in Gaming - Free Guidebook

[Zardnaar]

If someone tells me about XYZ I believe them I'm not going to argue about it.

If XYZ is completely incompatible with what you want to do or you have multiple people with conflicting XYZs your gonna have to draw a line in the Sand somewhere.

If you're running Out of the Abyss be upfront about demons and Underdark. And in a public setting that's pick up and play it may not be possible to prep something else.

 

[Gradine]

Do you expect this sort of thing to persuade or convert anyone?

Taking you in good faith, that you want this issue to be treated seriously, why would you make it harder to agree with your position?

Because I got super heated and there's a lot of stuff going on in my life outside of this and I got set off. It happens. I'm not proud.

For what it's worth, I do apologize for the flippancy. I don't apologize for calling out dismissiveness over what is (not what I perceive but what actually is) a hugely important issue, not just for me but for a lot of people (some of whom I know and care about). It sucks hearing that kind of nonsense day in and day out; being told you're overreacting; being told that you're just trying to manipulate others; when all you're trying to do is get through your day without having to be reminded of or forced to relive the worst experiences of your life. It really sucks to hear that **** coming from people you otherwise respect; who otherwise present as entirely reasonable and rational people. Like, you kind of expect it from certain people, but there are others from whom it hits like a sack of bricks. Because they are otherwise reasonable and rational and...

It just makes you feel like maybe you are the crazy one. It's just... it's just ****ty. And I know better. It doesn't make it suck any less.

And I just want more people to know, or to just understand what it feels like; but sometimes it feels like the only people who do are the people who've been through it too. And that's not something I would wish on anyone. And even some of us perpetuate that same garbage. Because some of us have heard it so many times we've started to believe it. And we haven't had anybody to help us understand ourselves better. I just want... people to listen. And believe. And so I try and I try and I try and I just.... never get through.

I can only bash my head against the same brick wall so many times before something breaks, you know?

 

[Bawylie]

I suppose, but I think what the doc is saying is let’s respect that person’s distress at face value rather than second guess them or get defensive about our own pet campaigns. Are we really that worried about Munchausen Syndrome? Would that not be an extreme edge case that would eventually come out anyway? The argument feels like a red herring to me.

Sure. I’m just saying if we’re gonna ask others to take a person’s distress at face value, that we should treat others’ distress about it sincerely. Live the behavior you want adopted.

 

[Wolfpack48]

I suppose the elephant in the room is that many roleplayers have experienced trauma of one kind or another. I think it’s a major reason people roleplay, because it’s a safe and creative hobby that involves socializing without the pressure of the real world. Most everyone I have gamed with has had something terrible in their lives. Acknowledging and respecting that can only be a good thing.

 

[Wolfpack48]

Because I got super heated and there's a lot of stuff going on in my life outside of this and I got set off. It happens. I'm not proud.

For what it's worth, I do apologize for the flippancy. I don't apologize for calling out dismissiveness over what is (not what I perceive but what actually is) a hugely important issue, not just for me but for a lot of people (some of whom I know and care about). It sucks hearing that kind of nonsense day in and day out; being told you're overreacting; being told that you're just trying to manipulate others; when all you're trying to do is get through your day without having to be reminded of or forced to relive the worst experiences of your life. It really sucks to hear that **** coming from people you otherwise respect; who otherwise present as entirely reasonable and rational people. Like, you kind of expect it from certain people, but there are others from whom it hits like a sack of bricks. Because they are otherwise reasonable and rational and...

It just makes you feel like maybe you are the crazy one. It's just... it's just ****ty. And I know better. It doesn't make it suck any less.

And I just want more people to know, or to just understand what it feels like; but sometimes it feels like the only people who do are the people who've been through it too. And that's not something I would wish on anyone. And even some of us perpetuate that same garbage. Because some of us have heard it so many times we've started to believe it. And we haven't had anybody to help us understand ourselves better. I just want... people to listen. And believe. And so I try and I try and I try and I just.... never get through.

I can only bash my head against the same brick wall so many times before something breaks, you know?

People are (slowly) starting to get it. Hang in there!

 

[Bedrockgames]

So, again, you don't have to use it. I won't be using it, but that's just because I know my tables right now.

But you can't project your wants and needs on to everyone else, or assume that this is some kind of overblown issue. It can be hard for people to speak up and raise an issue, and this can be a good way to get difficult conversations started.

For the life of me, I don't understand why anyone would be against that.

It just ridiculous to have a check list of things you would consent to in an RPG (especially when the list includes things like thirst and severe weather). It is like a parody from sketch comedy. Maybe some people will find it a useful conversation starter. I don’t think it is something that would be good if it became the norm in the hobby. I do think if people find use in it, that is fine. But I do have concerns about where this is going. And I do think it is perfectly okay to express those concern (people don’t have to agree with me and are free to make their own choices about it).

 

[Bawylie]

It just ridiculous to have a check list of things you would consent to in an RPG (especially when the list includes things like thirst and severe weather). It is like a parody from sketch comedy. Maybe some people will find it a useful conversation starter. I don’t think it is something that would be good if it became the norm in the hobby. I do think if people find use in it, that is fine. But I do have concerns about where this is going. And I do think it is perfectly okay to express those concern (people don’t have to agree with me and are free to make their own choices about it).

Yeah some bits of the checklist are a little out there. But the basic idea is that a player at a public game approaches you and says “hey this stuff bugs me, is any of it in your game?” And then you can go, “sorry yeah there is” or “nah you’re good.”

Basic idea is sound. Good, honest, up-front, open communication is better than most alternatives.

 

[Zardnaar]

Yeah some bits of the checklist are a little out there. But the basic idea is that a player at a public game approaches you and says “hey this stuff bugs me, is any of it in your game?” And then you can go, “sorry yeah there is” or “nah you’re good.”

Basic idea is sound. Good, honest, up-front, open communication is better than most alternatives.

This you can't please everyone all of the time, please most of the people most of the time.

 

[Bedrockgames]

Yeah some bits of the checklist are a little out there. But the basic idea is that a player at a public game approaches you and says “hey this stuff bugs me, is any of it in your game?” And then you can go, “sorry yeah there is” or “nah you’re good.”

Basic idea is sound. Good, honest, up-front, open communication is better than most alternatives.

Maybe. I don't know. Like I said. People can do what they want and if the checklist is part of that, or if someone presenting a list of problems at a public game is how they want to go about it, that is fine. I just have a very hard time reading this and seeing how it is being discussed in some quarters, and not think we are getting into very flaky territory at best.

 

[Elton Robb]

This is available for Free on Drivethru. I saw it there, and I almost picked it up.