Critical Hit on my heart

[BLACKDIRGE]

Very clever, and very, very frightening.

Dirge

 

[Storminator]

With the help of one other forum member of my home board... I present to you the COMPLETE lyrics:

Lyrics:

I was lost in the dungeons of love
in a cavern so cold and lonely

and I couldn't see the bright stars above
and I thought to myself if only
someone would appear that could take me from here
and dwell with me in a garden
this being alone is like the spell flesh to stone
and my skin is beginning to harden

and then you appeared with your composite bow
and said you'd liberate me from my shackles
and arched an arrow imbued with the power of love
and aimed a called shot straight through at my cockles(?)
and rolled a

critical hit on my heart
critical hit on my heart
critical hit on my heart
now just roll maximum damage and I will belong to you

like heironeus with his two handed sword
or drizzt do'urden when he fought all those drow at one time
you hit me with unstoppable force
and set a powerful spell on my mind
I picked up spell resistance from the enchantment school
so I could fend off all these magic pretenses
and though I always use it as a general rule
this time I'm lowering all my defenses

so roll a
critical hit on my heart
critical hit on my heart
critical hit on my heart

you only rolled seventeen
but you got the improved critical feat
and I just know you're gonna confirm it
so just roll maximum damage and I will belong to you

you can analyze the dweomer
to find out what made me give my heart so soon
but I tell you if you'd only seen her
she's stronger than all the magic of Faerun

like a vorpal sword or hand of Vecna
or the greatest thing in your category
so why you're here why don't I just tell you
I'd toss my ring of three wishes if you'd give yourself to me

so roll a
critical hit on my heart
critical hit on my heart
critical hit on my heart

you only rolled seventeen
but you got the improved critical feat
and I just know you're gonna confirm it
so just roll maximum damage and I will belong to you

A few minor edits in red.

An unbelievable classic!

PS

 

[orbitalfreak]

People interested in more? Well, I managed to scrounge up a classic from this site's early days (actually, from Eric Noah's first page, IIRC). From Chronosome and his band Ettin, here it is. Prepare yourself for...

Eric Noah is my Half-Fiend Love Child!

 

[Gunslinger]

"...and hit a cold shot straight through at my cockles(?).."

I believe that should be "called shot", not cold shot.

 

[Storminator]

"...and hit a cold shot straight through at my cockles(?).."

I believe that should be "called shot", not cold shot.

Quite right. Missed that one. Updated edited lyrics...

PS

 

[Mathew_Freeman]

I'm bumping this! People should see it!

You must listen to this! Hilarity insues, promise!

 

[NiTessine]

Wait a minute... We don't have called shots in 3E anymore, do we? And if she's got the Improved Critical feat..? What system are they using?!

 

[psychognome]

D'oh! I can't find it!

Oh, wait, found it!

Listened to it, and I love it! Finally a lovesong for all the D&D geeks out there! Now I need to get my hands on the tablatures... no, it should be easy enough working them out by ear.

Again, this is the best thing since... I don't know, it's just the best thing!!!

 

[Valmur_Dwur]

While the song was worth the listen, the poor boy needs to study up on his Greyhawkian mythos. After all a true follower of Hieroenous knows his god uses a battleaxe Death to the 3e killing of Heironeous

Cheers!