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Critique my little intro to my dungeon crawl.

Yardiff

Adventurer
"West Marches Prologue

Padanius recieved a letter be messenger letting him know that his great uncle Taft had passed away and that he had inherited a 1000gp and a book 'There and Mostly Back Again'. Taft was pushing 90 yrs old when he pasted. The journal talks about how Taft was rummaging around in an old curio shop and found an old diary.
<The diary was probably 100(x3) yrs old. It talked about how there was a great earthquake and divinations pointed to the east, FAR to the east. The writer of the dairy formed an expedition to investigate. 200 miles east, through swamps(40) and forests(100) and pairies(60), they came to a mountain range and headed north for about 20 miles to a pass(20) through the range. Beyond the mountians was a jungle, They continued east . The jungle stretched for nearly 150 miles. Following the jungle was a savana that ran 120 miles. At the east edge of the savana was a cliff dropping 300 ft to a valley. The cliff stretched for miles both north and south.
A couple miles north along the cliff they came upon a path, dangerous but passable, to the valley floor. The valley itself continued east for some 40 miles. A large lake was at the center area of the valley being fed by a good sized river coming from the east. The far side of the valley was shrouded in mist.
The expedition spent a week or so exploring the valley. Using detection and divination spells the expedition found that the valley was saturated in magic. Strong Abjuration, Conjuration, and Transmutation magics were detected. It was the conclution that some how this valley was transported to this location and more then likely replaced the normal terrain.
Heading to the far side of the valley they enter the mist. Visibility dropped to about 40 ft. After about 200 ft the mist started to thin. The source of the river at the other side of the valley was 200 ft waterfall. Visible through the thinner mist was a citadel built into the cliff face some 140 ft from the base.
Thats when the expadition was attacked. There were 12 humaniod creatures on the ground and 6 flying creatures. The humanoids looked a lot like goblins but were 4-5 ft tall. The flying creatures looked like fish swimming through the air, they were 8-10 ft long with big mouths full of teeth. 2 of the fish had riders with lances.
The fight was brief but before the expedition was able to disengage 3 of the 8 members were killed. Retreating into the heavier mist seem to stop the attack. At this point it was decided that heading back to Sanctuary was best.>

At this point the journal is about Taft's own expedition to the valley. The next few pages talk about traveling to the valley, how the path to the valley is pretty straight forward if you have directions. The pass through the mountains took 3 days to find even when they knew about where to look. Taft mentions a few encounters that were tough/interesting but they survived. A fight with 7 trolls in the forest. Meeting a young silver dragon in the mountains. In the jungle they ran into a fight between a large group of giant spiders and giant wasps, they moved on quickly and quietly. In the savanna they encounter a pride of saberteethed toogers that nearly killed the who party and it took a couple days to recover. Then they finally arrived at the valley.
Surprisingly the rest of the pages are blank."

Investigation checks will show that the journal had been unbound and the blank pages rebound into the book. THe 'new' binding is probably 20+ yrs old. While checking the journal over a concealed pocket is found with an overland map hidden inside. A little research into Great Uncle Taft will find that about 20 yrs ago was when his senility became known. Taft was the only survivor of his expedition but that trip had made him very wealthy.


So would this interest 'you' in taking a journey of your own?
 

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Old Uncle Taft must have been having problems indeed, if he wrote a dairy.

But yeah, with the right character, I'd bite on that plot hook. Somebody with a strong drive to -pick one-
- check out old tales/rumors/legends
- make maps (because mine are more accurate than anybody else's feeble efforts)
- former teacher speculated about the Multiverse and multiple Material Planes; what does that mean in practice?
- get FAR out of town for a while (because embarrassing reasons or legal 'misunderstanding') and create a whole new reputation for one's self
 

Eltab mentions a few good reasons to seek out the place, but I think a large number of other characters might shy away from it on account of it seemingly being very far, pretty dangerous, and not really offering anything to show for it. You might consider mentioning some form of exploitable natural wealth, such as rich potential farmland or mineral deposits. Likewise, even if you don't take that advice, I would reformat so the details of the valley itself come first, with the travel route minutia coming later. It's a bit of a slog to read through specific references of environments I'm not really familiar with that also didn't seem to pose many challenges the group would need to plan for.
 

It has the feel like the old movies where the explorer is traveling with a train of locals carrying their luggage. Like the 'red shirts' in Star Trek they get picked off one by one until the brave PCs are the only few to make it our with the McGruffin.

Make sure you have safe places where the PCs can rest. Border towns, frontier towns, roving tribes of locals, even an outpost temple can all be good places to continue the journey if they get lost.
 

You should definitely distribute this 1st, let the players read it over, then the next session ask each player to explain why their character is participating & see what kind of party has formed.

Oh, and of course some spellcheck etc.
 


Uncle Taft led the other adventurers into peril he didn't mention, hid during the battle/peril, looted the bodies and turned back ;)

You don't need to find the ancient treasure, just the people who did :P
 

Actually one of Tafts party member got a hold of this, "This ring, wearable by all, is cursed but a "magik lie" conceals this fact, so it "detects" as a "wish ring" of 3 wishes. In actuality whoever puts it on becomes totally, irrevocably insane and suffering from the delusion that they are "The Last Ninja (Assassin)" and that they must slay, secretly., all they are with!" And was able to kill 3 party members before he was found out.
 

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