Have you seen the American family lately? More and more families are eating in shifts or completely alone. When my fiance was growing up his family hit a point where they would all prepare their own food and eat whenever they felt like it.
This is the general sort of objections that I thought I would get. I don't find it very compelling. The American penchant toward eating alone (or even standing up) is notably aberrent to the rest of the world, and even within the US the acceptance of eating alone is in notable tension with our biology (we comment on how wrong it is). For example, if we go to eat out, if we are alone, we get it to go and remain alone. We feel uncomfortable eating alone. Yet, if we invite someone to 'go get lunch', we are more likely to eat together in the social environment. Likewise, might 'not have time to eat' in our daily lives, but we still provide food at parties.
Most of all, our inner emotional lives regarding the experience of eating hasn't changed. We don't feel like not having someone with us when we eat. We don't believe it is impolite to offer to someone the oppurtunity to eat with us. When we are befriending another human, even another American, we don't provide an oppurtunity for them to get away from us so that they can eat comfortably. People don't have to be taught to eat together.
There are a lot of moral philosophies that say it's wrong to laugh at other people's misfortune.
Yes, and speaking as a member of one of those philosophical groups, one might say that its wrong to laugh at other people's misfortune, but typically culture that say this also believe that it is unnatural (or supernatural) to not laugh or experience joy at the misfortune of a stranger or more to the point an enemy. That is to say, that generally moral philosophies that say that it is wrong to experience joy at the misfortune of others (see America's Funniest Home Videos), also tend to believe that there is something wrong with humanities essential nature. For example, we say that its wrong to be greedy, but we don't deny that its part of the essential nature of people to be greedy. (Though to go back to a prior point, food greed isn't nearly as pronounced of an emotional response in humans as it is in bonobos or chimpanzees.)
These two things are hardly universal to all humans.
I don't think you've come anywhere close to establishing that, but even if you had that isn't nearly as strong of an objection as you think it is. Individuals may depart from the norm (a human that doesn't like to eat socially, an elf that doesn't love trees) and we still might be able to identify these things as part of the races essential nature. In fact, we are very close to an actually valid use of 'the exception proves the rule here'. We can cite 'an elf that doesn't love trees' as an exception, only because it is widely recognized that 'loving trees' is part of the essential nature of elves. We can recognize the aberrant case only because the normal case is well known, and if it wasn't normal for an elf to love trees we couldn't cite the individual as a counter-example.
Just as the fact that an elf has a +2 bonus to dex doesn't gaurantee that every elf is not clumsy, the races essential nature might not be apparant by looking at individuals, especially individuals several standard deviations from the mean. The essential nature might be most apparant when we look at groups, or especially when we look at trying to modify the behavior and culture of the group as a whole and how it resists the change. Perhaps some individuals depart from the mean. Perhaps its possible by training and self-discipline to work yourself away from you resting state. But its going to be hard or impossible to move the group far from its resting state, and over time its always going to slip back towards its normal modes of behavior.
But, earlier I promised I'd start providing some more interesting modes of essential human behavior:
Here's one.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne6tB2KiZuk]YouTube - World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale[/ame]
All humans are musical, even the tone deaf ones, and even then we recognize 'tone deaf' as an aberrant case. But it doesn't necessarily follow that another species would be musical, much less that they'd recognize human music as music, much less that the universal emotional context of music (all human cultures can recognize and differentiate the soothing music of all other cultures from the exciting music, or sad music from happy music) would translate from one species to another. If you've ever listened to a male cat yowl disharmoniously in order to announce its virility, then take a moment to imagine that as the language of beauty and love.
What''s interesting about the above video is that McFarren is getting at a natural wiring between human spatial perception and human tonal perception. This too might not be natural for every species. For example, in humans, different sort of scales might not map as naturally - colors, numbers, brightness, etc. And some, muskiness, roughness of texture, density of dots, numbers of corners, might not map at all without some training to create the internal mapping (which would probably actually be a translation of some sort). But, for another species these sorts of maps might be natural, and they might struggle to come up with the noties in a mapping between space and tone.
These sort of things might seem small, but consider how much of the superficial trappings of culture is wrapped up in music and the preperation and consumption of food.
There are I think some very deeper mappings that have less to do with superficial identifiers of culture, but I'm afraid to get into them for fear of starting a flame fest.
As far as racial descriptions in D&D, I tend to take those as stereotypes. There are plenty of stereotypes in American and European culture that individuals of those groups go against. Heck, I'm one of them. Stereotypically, women aren't supposed to be into technology or like assembling furniture with power tools, yet here I am!
I'm digging after things far more powerful than sterotypes. Most sterotypes are based on cultural identification and most cultural identification exists to provide definition that distinguishes you from the group as the whole. So in many ways, cultural tropes are very much the opposite of what I'm going for here. Culture is (among other important things) how you signify the identity group you belong to, and this signal works best if it unique and easily recognizable. If the cultural attribute was something common to humanity, than it wouldn't work very well as an identifier.
We don't have alot of sterotypes of humans, and most of the ones that we have ('average', 'extremely good at kicking butt') are probably wrong because we don't have anything to compare ourselves too.
I also tend to take the races in D&D more like cultures than like distinct non-human species.
I think that they are too, but I think in no small part this is because the differences between PC races tend to be so small and depart so little from human norms (all the better to make them easily playable by humans).
So if a player wants to play an elf as a Scottish-accented beer drinking dude who likes to live underground, that's fine with me. He might get some in-character odd looks from NPCs but that's because of the elven stereotype. He's certainly not a typical elf, but he's still an elf.
If he's not a typical elf, then we have some way of knowing what a typical elf is.
And in any event, I personally feel that you are looking at 'departure from typical elf culture', and not the essential aspect of 'elfishness'. The essential aspects of elfishness are things that RPGs typically don't emphasis enough, in my opinion. In my campaign, if I started listing the universal aspects of elvishness IMC I'd probably do some things like the following:
1) They live for a long time.
2) They are xenophobic.
3) They would rather hear stories than eat, and they need to hear stories (and poetry and music) as much as they need to eat. Gluttony isn't a vice elves really worry about, and to the extent it is, it is the vice of neglecting themselves while they overconsume of literature and art.
4) They cannot be enslaved. At all. An elf that is confined loses the will to live and dies.