D&D Movie/TV D&D Movie Plot Revealed

[mflayermonk]

This is from "How to Make a Movie Out of Anything — Even a Mindless Phone Game" from the NY Times Magazine

Goldner is the president of Hasbro.

"Goldner says the key to making movies from board games and toys is to ‘‘focus on understanding the universal truth about the brand.’’ For example, the Ouija board comes with rules relating to its paranormal mythology: Always say ‘‘goodbye’’ at the end of a session; never take it into a graveyard. ‘‘If you remember the movies,’’ he says, ‘‘all those rules are broken — and what results is a very scary situation.’’

Well I guess we all know what is going to happen in the D&D movie: they are going to split the party.

 

[robus]

I've got a bad feeling about this...

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Kender. Kender everywhere.

Zillions of 'em, Mr. Rico.

Meteor Swarm them from a Spelljammer, it's the only way to be sure.

 

[transtemporal]

"Goldner says the key to making movies from board games and toys is to ‘‘focus on understanding the universal truth about the brand.’’

Yikes. Transformers are Hasbro. Anyone want to take a guess at the "universal truth" of Transformers?

 

[MechaPilot]

Yikes. Transformers are Hasbro. Anyone want to take a guess at the "universal truth" of Transformers?

Explosions + boobs + nostalgia = bad movies that make an obscene amount of money?

 

[Tony Vargas]

Explosions + boobs + nostalgia = bad movies that make an obscene amount of money?

Sounds good.

Explosions? Fireballs!
Boobs? Succubi!
Nostalgia? 80s fad!

Bankable.

 

[Jester David]

Yikes. Transformers are Hasbro. Anyone want to take a guess at the "universal truth" of Transformers?

Robots that are disguised an unknown

 

[mflayermonk]

Yikes. Transformers are Hasbro. Anyone want to take a guess at the "universal truth" of Transformers?

Even big transformers need the help of little guys (Mark Wahlberg) to throw every last bit of acting ability at the screen.

 

[BoldItalic]

Maybe it sometimes cuts to a DM behind a screen, who has memorable catch-phrases like "*Evil Cackle*", "Roll for Initiative" and "Are you sure you want to do that?"

Print those on the merchandise (T-shirts, mugs, fluffy DM dolls, ...) and you're home and dry.

 

[schnee]

If they don't pull an AD&D stunt like 'trick the Hill Giant to squeeze himself into a narrow passageway then cast Enlarge so his remains shoot out like a tube toothpaste filled with beef stew' then I'm asking for my money back.

If it doesn't feature a Druid turning into a female Brown Bear in heat to lure an angry male Brown Bear out of the cavern so they can go in and loot bodies I'll be furious.

If they don't include a scene that has the party arguing over a) who draws the map, b) who keeps track of the burned-out torches, and c) why 'we have to have the damn torches at all because 5 of the 6 members have Darkvision but oh, no, the human Paladin just had to stick along so we can't even steal stuff in his presence' I'll be disappointed.

D&D is all about clever methods of murder, crazy stunts, and petty arguments. Not drama. Not emotion. Not heroism. It's about weird murderhobo shenanigans.

I don't see the movie succeeding unless they take my advice.