Dealing with depression, anxiety, and ennui

[diaglo]

here is a resource from my place of work:

start here

and then go here next

 

[AuroraGyps]

I don't think that's a social disorder; I'd say that's quite normal for people in general.

Some people overcome their anxiety more easily than others, but convincing oneself that the awkwardness is not normal and indeed, most people open themselves to being hurt without worry and also are in turn never hurt by opening up only adds to the problem, since the awkwardness is now "clinical", and not simply natural.

But of course, you don't sell any pills with such an approach.

I just mention the commercial, because it lists alot of the symptoms of social disorder. I've had an anxiety problem since I was about 12, and while the symptoms have changed a bit over the years, it's still basically the same thing. It wasn't until the Summer of 2001 that I was given a name for my problem "Social Anxiety Disorder" and prescribed Paxil (which does make a difference). Later, the Zoloft the commercials came out, & was all, "Hey, that's me!" I'm not going to go way into details of my symptoms (a very long and boring list), but I seriously do really freak out at times, while other times they're more subtle. Every person is different. Just because two people don't have the same symptoms at the same intensity, doesn't mean they both don't have the same disorder. Some can get through things with out meds, some need the meds, whether for long term or just to get over an especially rough spot in treatment. Plus, I hae the depression thing, which is mostly brought on by how my anxiety problem effects my life.
I still say to check with a professional (if you don't already for the depression). A lot of them have questionnaires that can help pinpoint if you really do have a social disorder, if you're just going through a rough time, or if that's just the way you are. And again, good luck.

 

[nakia]

I know I'm rambling a bit, for which I apologize. I guess I'm just unsatisfied with my current career (I'm a high school English teacher) and wanting to either be satisfied or get published and find satisfaction there.

I get what your saying. I feel the tension between the creative and the "practical" frequently. Sometimes that tension, combined with other factors, puts me in the same place it sounds as if you are at.

I was seriously helped by talking to a professional. It wasn't some long term thing, just a few months of hour-a-week sessions. It was great just to have someone devoted entirely to listening to you, if only for an hour a week, and addressing your needs and feelings. It also helped that this person was not my wife or loved one. That sounds odd, and I never told the counselor anything I did not or had not shared with my wife, but the personal distance between the counselor and myself gave some perspective you don't get with folks that are closer to you.

I find I feel better, when I get in those emotional spaces you are talking about, if I make myself do something productive. It's hard, because you don't feel like doing anything creative or productive, but otherwise I'd just enter this downward spiral of suck -- not doing anything, then feeling bad about not doing anything, which makes it harder to get off my butt to do anything, etc. And watching six hours of "The Real World" is not good for anyone's emotional state. So, I'll make myself write, even if it turns out to be crap, or read some poetry, or anything that will allow me to say "look at what I did today." Exercise is always helpful, too.

Not knowing what one wants is fine. It's the ianition caused by not trying to find out that's the real problem.

Hopefully, this is helpful. Keep us posted.

 

[Pigeon]

But of course, you don't sell any pills with such an approach.

One of the most frustrating part of my job (mental health nurse) is trying to persuade people who are slightly or moderatly depressed that the answer to all their problems isn't a change in the colour tablet they swallow. Anti-deppressents work, but they also have side effects and create a feeling that the individual is helpless and all that can help is an external cure.

I'm all for medication for severly depressed people on the other hand.

My personal treatment of choice is, as someone has already mentioned, execise, meaningful activity, and also a good bit of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). One very good CBT self help book is mind over mood, which they sell at amazon, I use it extensively with people at work and I can honestly say it works if you put the effort and comitment in.

 

[Qlippoth]

My personal treatment of choice is, as someone has already mentioned, execise, meaningful activity, and also a good bit of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy).

I can't agree enough--there are plenty of people who really can benefit from medication, but EVERYBODY can learn more effective ways of dealing with life thru CBT. Do a good thing. Do it again. And again. Repeat. It works for some of the folks in the worst of places.

 

[AuroraGyps]

I can't agree enough--there are plenty of people who really can benefit from medication, but EVERYBODY can learn more effective ways of dealing with life thru CBT. Do a good thing. Do it again. And again. Repeat. It works for some of the folks in the worst of places.

I'm with you guys. I may take meds, but I know they're not for everyone and they shouldn't be prescribed willy-nilly. I had my anxiety problem, which brought depression w/ it, since I was 12, but didn't try meds till I was 17, when things were just getting worse and I'd been hitting my head against the wall (metaphorically) for 5 years. The main part of my treatment is learning what triggers my feeling badly (too many feelings to list, so I'll just sum up with "bad"), learning coping skills to get through the rough spots, and through life in general.
Meds should only be prescribed in emergancy situations or to a person just keeps failing to get over the hump in their therapy, trying thing after thing, and needs to just take off the edge on their problem to make them more able to figure out better ways function. Then, hopefully, they can wean off the meds. Feeling like you're just hitting your head against the wall over & over & over can make the original problem even worse. Meds should be used as a tool, not a crutch.

 

[Rel]

I'm generally a pretty upbeat and happy person the large majority of the time. That sounds pretty good but I've also discovered that it means that I don't have a lot of skills at pulling myself out of a low when I hit one.

One thing that has almost never failed to make me feel better when I'm feeling crappy is doing something nice for someone else. It doesn't have to be a grandiose gesture but whether it was buying my wife some flowers on the way home from a bad day at work or cleaning out the pantry and giving all the canned goods to the Food Bank, doing something nice for others makes me feel better.

If the small gestures don't help, try something more organized and ongoing. Call the local retirement home or hospital and ask if they need any volunteer help. Find someplace where you can help out doing just about anything. Commit yourself to it and meet that commitment.

I would be terribly surprised if a few days or weeks of that didn't snap you out of your funk and even if it doesn't, you've helped a lot of people in your attempt to feel better. You'll also be forced to interact with new people and all they'll know about you to start with is that you are the kind of person who is willing to give his time to help people he doesn't know. That's a pretty great foot to start out on.

And keep coming and posting here. You won't find a nicer and more supportive crowd anywhere else on the web. They've helped me through some tough times and they'll keep helping you too.

 

[Remathilis]

1.) You are in one of the most tight-knit communities on the internet today. Compared to some messageboards I've seen (D&D related or otherwise) this one has some of the most intelligent and thoughtful people I know.

2.) Write what you want. Nothing is worse than trying to finish a project you don't wish to do. But your YA books aside and write a bit of your Silent-Hill story, even if you don't finish, you'll have had the creative outlet to allow your brain to release these built up ideas and tensions.

3.) I have a friend who's slightly shy and anti-social. It CAN be a chore to reach out, and feelings of fear and rejection can subtly influence such behavior, making it less desirable (negative stimuli). At the very least, you have a wife and child, plus some regular gaming group you fraternize with. Its a start, and more than some people have.

4.) A friend of mine wrote this in my Livejournal. I'll quote her because I think its relevant.

i think the new year is supposed to bring feelings of hope or anticipation...however, when one feels trapped, or lacking somehow (i don't know if this makes sense to you) they can tend to feel the same things, only in a negative connotation....? maybe you just need a piece of cheesecake?

I hope you find some measure of what you are looking for. Check back with us, for all your gaming and non-gaming needs!

 

[AuroraGyps]

One thing that has almost never failed to make me feel better when I'm feeling crappy is doing something nice for someone else. It doesn't have to be a grandiose gesture but whether it was buying my wife some flowers on the way home from a bad day at work or cleaning out the pantry and giving all the canned goods to the Food Bank, doing something nice for others makes me feel better.

I too believe in the little things. I try to always hold doors for people, wave "thank you" when a car lets me cross in front of them, and just try to generally be nice to people. I worked bakery service in my local grocery store and LOVED to help customers. I like to say that, "I really like people, they just freak me out".
Also, don't forget little things for yourself too. I'm chick, so for me it might be flowers, or a special magazine, a new nail polish, or some type food item (like good chocolate). I try to never spend much (at the most $10, but sometimes it can be as little as buck or two) & I really try not to do it often, but sometimes ya just gotta treat yourself. You know what they say, "Simple things for simple minds."

Quote:
Originally Posted by gedankenspahne
i think the new year is supposed to bring feelings of hope or anticipation...however, when one feels trapped, or lacking somehow (i don't know if this makes sense to you) they can tend to feel the same things, only in a negative connotation....? maybe you just need a piece of cheesecake?

Has your friend been reading my mind? She is quite wise.


PS:
I'll take this time to mention one other thing that helps me... animal therapy (if you like animals). What do I mean by that? Well, having a pet is one way... I don't know what I'd do with out my cat, Lady Zeal. But, if you don't have a pet, try visiting friends/relatives that do (but not if they have cranky/grouchy pets... this defeats the purpose). Or, stop by a pet store or shelter. Granted, you may be inclined to adopt animals when ya just can't, but while you're there, you can give the animals a bit of attention while there stuck there. I walk to and from the grocery store (the one I work at) and across the parking lot is a PetCo. Many's the day that I'll say to myself, "I need some pet therapy," and so I'll stop by and say hello and give attention to all the animals that want it: kittens, cats, parrots, ferrets... whatever. I tell them, and myself, "I may not be able to take you home, but I can give you a little love while I'm here." Makes me feel good and I look forward to the day when thing are better in my life, so I can say, "You are coming home with me," to some sweet little thing (if Zeal can deal with not being queen bitch anymore).

 

[Rel]

Also, don't forget little things for yourself too. I'm chick, so for me it might be flowers, or a special magazine, a new nail polish, or some type food item (like good chocolate). I try to never spend much (at the most $10, but sometimes it can be as little as buck or two) & I really try not to do it often, but sometimes ya just gotta treat yourself. You know what they say, "Simple things for simple minds."

I agree with this and I do this too, but when I'm in a bad funk I tend to overdo it sometimes. I'll take a long hot bath and get myself some comfort food and then bury my face in the computer all night. And that's fine. But if I wake up the next morning and I don't feel like my usual self again, sometimes I'll tend to go right back into "Poor Me" mode and start trying to make myself feel better by more treats.

At that point what I'm really doing is ignoring my family (wife and daughter) and making their lives harder (particularly my wife). It doesn't take me long to recognize this and then I feel even worse and, chances are, my wife is starting to get rather irritated at me being so self-indulgent and shutting her out.

That's why I try to resort to the altruism angle anytime I am in a depression that doesn't succumb to a very brief period of instant gratification. I know it will make me feel better about myself (eating fatty foods and buying stuff sometimes makes me feel better but rarely makes me feel like a better person) and those close to me tend to be proud that I'm helping other people rather than irritated that I'm burying my nose in my navel.