I mean SERIOUSLY, how are you even able, in one sentance to say "oh, the monster can tell the controller's AC is 2 lower and has a few less HPs and is doing 20% more damage so the Defender has a hard time because the monster will go after them instead"]/quote]
Well, the defender is a guy in heavy armor hacking away at people with a sword. The controller is a guy who is flinging spells around and is in leather.
Of course, no monster is actually thinking that. They may however, see the wizard sustaining a magical effect. They may notice it's hard to hit the defender. They may notice the defender taking lots of damage and not going down.
Some monsters like the easy target. Some monsters want to take out the person dishing out the damage. Some targets just don't like the heavy armor ... it's harder to sink their teeth into.
then in the next sentance say "oh, the monster can't tell that it's going to loser the fight, even after it's engaged and has had a few friends die."
Any monster that is able to fight has survived EVERY FIGHT IT HAS EVER BEEN IN. If nothing else, a monster can choose to run away, however it might want to pick the right time to do so. And if his FRIENDS are dying ... if only he runs away, he's leaving the rest of his friends to die (not to mention his other friends that died did so for apparently no reason except giving him a chance to flee). They may at one point in the fight change strategies, start making a tactical retreat, try to take down at least one member of the group to make it easier to escape.
While it can take someone out of the game that monsters aren't acting "rationally", assuming that in the middle of an attack (the PCs are almost always the ones starting the fight), the monsters are able to reevaluate their odds of survival during SIX SECOND INTERVALS, and will make intelligent rational decisions. When two of their friends die, they won't allow anger and thoughts of vengence and hurt pride stand in the way of their cool rational "we can't win" decision.
Intelligent monsters do not mean monsters without emotion. Even rational beings behave irrationally.
EDIT:
Not to mention, the idea that all intelligent races would have upbringing, traditions, concepts of honor, etc that would lead to similar decision making is a bit of a falacy.
If it's a group of humans ... that's one thing. However monstrous races may have societal pressures. With some, if they run away and survive ... they get killed for doing so.
In some cases, strategically, it may be better for the monsters to not have one concentrated force. If the encounters are steadily increasing it could be they didn't want to risk losing their "big guns" early. There is also a possibility that the adventuring party is merely the first wave in a larger invassion force. Either a distraction, and if you sent all your people to take down a small group, while a ton of people stormed the other side, or perhaps merely there to weaken your forces for the real fight. If you send your big guns in right away, the party may just try to take the big guns down, and then the remaining group would be horribly weakened for a real assault by a large group. Either way, the dungeon boss has populated with dungeon with monsters that are meant to kill, and die, to defend him, even though he's more of a challenge for the group than any of his minions. However, he doesn't want to be bothered, so he has them there as a bunch of buffers. Once someone gets through all of them, they may still be alive, but they won't be in tip top shape, and it will be easier for him to finish them off.
Consider the PCs, as an example. They win nearly all of their fights, with an occaisional risk that they die. However, how many times do PCs run away when they feel they may end up dead, and how many times do PCs keep fighting until they die, do TPKs happen, etc? If the PCs were acting "rationally" they would never have a PC death or TPK, because they would always retreat when they knew one of them would die (which isn't necessarily the same as losing). In the case of the monsters ... when they encounter the PCs ... this is THEIR first instance of a "TPK in the making" they may not be able to process that ... they've survived every other encounter they've been involved in, and now they may end up dying. Heck, they may not know their friends are dead. The whole "you can decide whether you kill or render unconcious a monster when you drop it to 0 hp" thing is basically because ... they are functionally the same, and you wouldn't be able to tell until you checked on them which was which. The monster may believe if they can drive off the adventures, there is still time to save their buddy (if they care about that). Rarely is a monster put to negative bloodied, so it's effectively "death by failed death saves" while knocking unconcious basically means "stabilized before last remaining death save failed".