Devastation

[Holy Bovine]

Your accusation is insensitive and inaccurate.
I wish to save others the pain that I am going through. I suppose, however, that something else could have taken her from us on Friday. But... she had lung cancer at an advanced stage, and she'd been a smoker most of her life. The conclusions are there to be drawn. I merely stated what I surmised to be true, then stated my feelings on the matter.
You make take my words as you find them, but I won't rescind them simply because you think that I have an agenda in my mother's death.

Don't let frankthedou- affect you too badly - he does not represent the vast majority of ENWorld.

Deepest condolences on your loss. It makes me grateful my mother forced my father to quit smoking over 40 years ago - she didn't like kissing him after he smoked!

 

[WayneLigon]

I understand what you are going through. My Mom died at 79 from emphysema, and she smoked from the time she was 16 until she was 69 or 70 - it was too late, though, to keep her from sliding into emphysema. From the time I was a kid, I tried to get her to quit, but to no avail. Only her diagnosis and the fact she had to go on oxygen stopped it.

 

[megamania]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I just lost my mother also (Jan 31st) at the age of 73.

Her death was was caused by the flu and complicated by her weight.

So while everyone stops smoking.... also watch your weight.

 

[StreamOfTheSky]

Don't let frankthedou- affect you too badly - he does not represent the vast majority of ENWorld.

That's uncalled for, especially since the mods already handled it.

 

[Janx]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

My mom died of her second bout of cancer at age 54 in 2000. She didn't smoke or drink. She survived breast cancer in 1992. It came back in her liver and spine. I live in Texas and she was still in Minnesota. I got to see her twice before she passed that year, with the last visit being the week before she died. She was pretty much out of it, on the pain kilers.

When I was sitting with her, in hospice, in November in Minnesota, I saw a Monarch butterfly outside the window, against the backdrop of pine trees and snow on the ground. That's an improbable thing, and I wasn't hallucinating.

A few years ago, I commisioned a tattoo done on my arm of Monarch butterfly and a snowflake to commemorate that impossible event. It took 5 hours, and it hurt. But it looks good.

I can't say where your at. We all handle this stuff differently. I stayed with my uncle during that week, and he told me he was amazed at how calmly I took all this, where he was pretty broken up about it all. All I know is life goes on, and if you're here, your parents succeeded. Take the time you need and be thankful for the person you knew and how they impacted you.

One thing that always struck, me after my mom passed, was when other people had a parent pass, they'd cite some age that I consider old. I don't say this to be cruel, but realize that your mom lived to SIXTY EIGHT years. That's a good span, especially for someone at risk of cancer. It sounds like she accomplished a lot and was a great person. Celebrate that.

Though her passing is a loss to you, for her, suffering as she probably was, passing was probably a blessing. That was the message of the butterfly in the snow, was that her spirit was not likely to be in that shell any longer.

Selah.

 

[Mark]

My mother died from cancer at 68 also, but about six years ago. My condolences.

 

[Banshee16]

Your accusation is insensitive and inaccurate.
I wish to save others the pain that I am going through. I suppose, however, that something else could have taken her from us on Friday. But... she had lung cancer at an advanced stage, and she'd been a smoker most of her life. The conclusions are there to be drawn. I merely stated what I surmised to be true, then stated my feelings on the matter.
You make take my words as you find them, but I won't rescind them simply because you think that I have an agenda in my mother's death.

Sorry to hear about your mother. As a cancer survivor myself, I know how horrid a disease it is. I can't imagine losing a parent, so all I can say is that I hope you heal, and find peace.

I'm thankful that my wife quit smoking six years ago. I'd rather not lose her at an early age due to an entirely preventable cause.

Thankfully smoking rates are coming down, which will lead to decreased cancer rates 10 years down the road.

Banshee

 

[papastebu]

When I posted this, originally, I let the unconsidered words of one person drive me away from the site, here. I have only visited a couple of times since, and this is the first time I have read the thread through to its conclusion. I cannot say enough how the outpouring of sympathy and kindness has affected me: I am deeply touched, and for those of you who spoke of loss, also, I am sorry for your pain.
My mother's death made me realize many things. One of those was that life is too damned short to be carrying around resentment about old injuries, real or imagined. This is something that I have been trying to overcome for as long as I can remember, and I may never be past it, but it's gotten easier, since. To franktheDM, I forgive you.
My dad died on December 9th, last. I feel like the only thing that was actually keeping him cohesive and coherent was taking care of my mother. I did use the time between their deaths better than I had, before. I spoke to my dad as often as I could manage, and we had some good talks. I even got the chance to see him on Thanksgiving. I stayed in their house for several days, then.
When my sister, who lives in St. Louis near them, called that morning, I knew what she was going to say before she said it.
The odd thing about the whole ordeal is that it wasn't as much of one as I thought it would be, aside from the initial shock. After screaming myself hoarse for about thirty minutes on the morning of my mother's death, I was pretty OK most of the time. My father was a sense of relief. Not because of anything bad, except that all last year I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that was it. Past a certain point, I don't think that Mom and Dad were supposed to be apart. I believe that they are not, anymore. And whether I am correct in my belief that there is an afterlife, or not, I know that neither of these people whose words and music and wisdom and experience and resolve---whose lives---informed every aspect of my own, whether I knew of it or not, neither of them are suffering, the cares of the world are no hindrance to them, and if there is a heaven, then they are in it, and they are together, as they should be.
I apologize for stepping on the no religion rule.

 

[GandalfMithrandir]

Sorry for your loss.

I lost a good friend of mine in Afghanistan about a month ago so that was not good for my emotional health, but all of the above things should work well.