DM Woes (but different)

[Hodgie]

Our group switches DMs from time to time and right now the DM isn't doing as good a job as we would like. With rather disparate schedules we rarely play (it has almost been 2 months) because he never tries to find pockets of time, always relying on the players to set up games. One of the players even left the game because he doesn't enjoy the DMs game enough, but plans to return when the main DM gets behidn the screen again.

The problem is that when the DM is a player he is very passive agressive. If his campaign is ended on a bad note he will try to ruin the next campaign by encouraging TPKs, he will start missing sessions on purpose, and just be an all around bad time.

Now he is a great friend, usually a good guy, and important to the group. So how do we end a campaign without hurting feelings?

 

[AntiStateQuixote]

The problem is that when the DM is a player he is very passive agressive.

Now he is a great friend, usually a good guy

If his campaign is ended on a bad note he will try to ruin the next campaign by encouraging TPKs, he will start missing sessions on purpose, and just be an all around bad time.

Ahhhhgggghhh! How is it possible that he is a great friend, a good guy and an that will ruin your DnD game all at the same time? He's EITHER a great friend and a good guy OR he's a passive agressive player that will ruin other people's fun because he's a jerk.

If he's really a good friend and great guy then politely explain to him that the group doesn't enjoy his game . . . for whatever reason(s). Be nice, but firmly tell him that he shouldn't DM because the point of gaming is fun and others aren't having fun. He should understand that it's time to move on to a new game that is fun for everyone.

If he's such a jerk (as you described) screw him! Tell him to move on to another gaming group. Gaming is about socializing with friends and having fun. If he purposely ruins the fun for others then he's not a friend.

 

[Hodgie]

Not to sidetrack my own thread, but ...

It seems that people on these boards think primarily in black and white. Either someone is good and thus is a good gamer or bad and is thus a bad gamer. I have friends that have gotten DUIs, I have friends that don't return phone calls, and I have friends that are inconsiderate. They aren't bad people and they don't need to be kicked to the curb. They just have flaws.

The guy in question _IS_ a good guy. He just happens to be passive agressive and will subtly ruin campaigns because he, like everyone else, has flaws. Maybe he secretly wants to be a great DM and when that fails he subversively ruins other campaigns to make himself feel better. Maybe he is really hurt when his campaigns end and has deep emotional problems why he can't vocalize this hurt. Who knows.

The point is most gamers and most games run in the gray. People can be problem gamers and still be human beings worthy of friendship. People can also have problems without requiring an intervention. All too often the advice given is to sit down, be mature, and really work through this together. But that would be making a mountain out of a mole hill.

The guy's campaign isn't that great. We'd like to move on to a new campaign. This doesn't require a restructuring of our social dynamic, this requires us either being 'petty' and ruining his campaign or being 'noble' and confronting him. I'd rather be 'noble,' but I know that would mean the next campaign would suffer. I don't want to be petty. I'd like to know of other suggestions.

/rant

 

[Crothian]

Then be noble and tell him he is a better player thena DM and pass the duties to someone else. It sounds like you already have your answer.

 

[billd91]

Not to sidetrack my own thread, but ...

It seems that people on these boards think primarily in black and white. Either someone is good and thus is a good gamer or bad and is thus a bad gamer. I have friends that have gotten DUIs, I have friends that don't return phone calls, and I have friends that are inconsiderate. They aren't bad people and they don't need to be kicked to the curb. They just have flaws.

The guy in question _IS_ a good guy. He just happens to be passive agressive and will subtly ruin campaigns because he, like everyone else, has flaws. Maybe he secretly wants to be a great DM and when that fails he subversively ruins other campaigns to make himself feel better. Maybe he is really hurt when his campaigns end and has deep emotional problems why he can't vocalize this hurt. Who knows.

The point is most gamers and most games run in the gray. People can be problem gamers and still be human beings worthy of friendship. People can also have problems without requiring an intervention. All too often the advice given is to sit down, be mature, and really work through this together. But that would be making a mountain out of a mole hill.

The guy's campaign isn't that great. We'd like to move on to a new campaign. This doesn't require a restructuring of our social dynamic, this requires us either being 'petty' and ruining his campaign or being 'noble' and confronting him. I'd rather be 'noble,' but I know that would mean the next campaign would suffer. I don't want to be petty. I'd like to know of other suggestions.

/rant

Quite frankly, good friends don't ruin other friends' games because they're passive-aggressive. For the sake of friendship, they pull themselves together and play maturely. Maybe that should be brought up when you take the noble course and confront him.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether or not he's a friend (good or bad). What matters is that he's a problem player, and predictably so. If he regularly sabotages campaigns, why should he be invited to them?

 

[Darren Ravenshaw]

From what you have described he doesn't seem to want to DM if he doesn't work with the group to find a time to get together and game. Did he ask to be DM, or was it that the other DM wanted to take a break so someone else had to DM? Are the players not having fun/enjoying his games because of his style of DM(I.E. he's more into mystery/detective style, well the players want a more political/drama style), or is it that he doesn't have anything planned/doesn't put much effort into DM'ing?

As for when he is a player it comes down to the simple fact that if he is ruining everyone elses fun then he should not be invited, regardless of how good a friend he is.

Then fact that he doesn't work to set up games as a DM and misses games as a player seems to say to me that he really doesn't want to game, so you need to ask him if thats the case.

 

[Arnwyn]

With rather disparate schedules we rarely play (it has almost been 2 months) because he never tries to find pockets of time, always relying on the players to set up games.

Sounds like a smart DM to me.

 

[Michael Silverbane]

It's pretty clear that, friend or no, he's not terribly committed to DMing his game, and possibly not committed to gaming in general. So... How to tell him that you want to start a new campaign...? Just tell him... Here's an example.

"Hey, Fred. Since we haven't been able to get together to play your game in a while, and me and Jack are totally jonesing for a game, I'm going to put together a campaign."

Was that so hard? And its not accusatory at all, so there's really no reason for anyone's feelings to be hurt. Remember... If you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, don't accuse them of something.

Optionally, you could include an invitation for him to join your game (or whoever's game it is), as well...

"We'll be meeting at my house on Wednesday to start the game. Hope to see you there."

would work fabulously for that.

I don't understand how gamers can possibly have so much trouble telling each other stuff, when the entire game is all about talking to one another. Just be open and honest, use your words, and nobody has to get hurt.

Later
silver