dumbest thing a character has survived

[Liolel]

Stupidist thing that a character survived, hmm that happened a good deal in one campaign. A few of the exploits of one character.

A. Jumping into deep swampwater to chase a lizardmen with no ranks in swim.
B. Sleeping outside in a blizzard to avoid paying 5 sp for a room.
C. Chasing after two rogues who he could not see in the woods and then when one of them stopped he ran up to the rogue without thinking. (Guess where the other rogue was.)

 

[Rabelais]

Special Wizard

We were at the end of an adventure, we had dropped what I thought was the Big Bad, and were cleaning up all of the spare change and stuff lying around. My character found a grating that covered an opening into a room containing what looked like a sarcophagus.

Boy, it sure is dark in there.

Maybe I'll drop a torch in there...

Boy, it sure is dark in there.

Maybe I'll lower myself down and see what I can find!

Hey! Is that a Shadow? OUCH, YEP!


I got strength drained to 1 str, dropped the rope and plummetted 20 feet. Now I've got less than 5 hp, 1 str and NO HOPE! Everybody is spelled out, and drained from the prior battle, but they come to rescue my sorry arse. Luckily I fell on top of a staff of daylight, rolled over, and use my shoulder to touch the staff, and activate it.

That distracted the shadow long enough for everybody to escape the hole, except me. I'm still at the bottom of the shaft, laying there like a doorstop sitting on a flashlight. I'm thinking to myself... "Self, you've really gone and done it this time." In desperation, I pray aloud to the goddess Chauntea. I had RP'd being a close follower, gone to temple, donated some pocket change. As a gift, the DM gave me a 5% chance of getting her attention. She rolled a 05 and spelled me back up, and restored my HP. YAY ME! I commence to smite the shadow...

Only problem is that now I'm "Blessed of Chauntea" My skin and hair color change with the seasons. Green in the Spring, Light Brown in the Summer, Orange and Red in the Fall and Snow White in the winter. All's well that ends well though.

 

[Halivar]

Dumbest. Thing. EVAR.

The whole group can't meet, so my level 16 fighter and level 13 arcane trickster decide to go off and take out a mad blackguard by themselves, because he has a very nice Holy Avenger and they want to make it a present to the group's paladin. So they go...
...to the fifth layer of Hell...
...where the blackguard has a fortress...
...guarded by over a hundred half-dragon fighters...
...and an adult dragon of each evil color.

We actually managed to kill almost the entire contingent of guards (only level 7 plus the half-dragon template). I also managed to cut through all of the dragons (felled the red in three rounds). But that blue... oh how I hate that blue... finally took me down and captive.

After cutting off the arcane trickster's hands, the blackguard decided he needed his troops replenished, and my fighter looked like a big strapping lad, so he decided I was going to play stud for his bevy of newly resurrected dragons (and they're all female... how convenient).

The next session was the rest of the party coming the rescue me. Very fun. Very stupid. I can't wait to do it again.

 

[demiurge1138]

I had a player who excelled at doing exceptionally stupid things. In the course of one campaign, he:

Asked a demon if it was made of poison.
Licked an obsidian blade.
Tried to fight a scarab swarm in melee.
Tried to kill the captain of the guards of a wizard who showed them mercy.
Dove into a pitch-dark underground lake looking for treasure.
Made friends with pirates whose idea of a good time was to rip trees out of the ground.
Called a half-fiend in the service of Asmodeus a "Molly Milkpants".
Explored a zaratan.
Drew from the Deck of Many Things after it voided and imprisoned muliple characters.
Tied a rope to himself in order to survive being thrown out of an air keel.
Was thrown out said air keel.

And he survived them all.

Demiurge out.

 

[Turin Turambar]

A 6th level Cleric bluffed an Aspect of Orcus into believing the the cleric will help the Aspect by joining with him and dispatching the rest of the party. Not only did he succeed in the bluff, when the Aspect found out, and used his Slay Living mace upon him, he made his save, and then eventually was the dealer of the killing blow I believe.

 

[res]

In a Swashbuckling Adventures game about a year back I was playing a Swashbuckler, we're being attacked by a pirate ship and they have pulled along side to board us. They have two cannons on deck and I saw them being loaded with grape shot. I get away from the guy I'm fighting and pull out my trusty grappling gun, fire into their rigging and swing onto the ship landing on top of one of the cannons. It sounds heroic and all, but the cannons were being operated by four guys, all were rogues and pirates. They quickly moved to flank me and thanks to the benifits of a total defense I was able to survive without getting killed.

We all pretty much agreed that I should have died in a round or two, but he lived. I looked more towards the Dairing Fool PrC after that, until he did die drinking tea.

 

[Eccles]

One of my players managed to slaughter the rest of his party and walk away.

By accident.

Does that qualify?

He cast a lightning bolt from the back rank, immolating most of the party, including the guy carrying all the greek fire who had been standing in front of him. There was an almighty explosion, and everyone except the original mage failed their saves. The mage, largely unhurt, fled.

 

[CalrinAlshaw]

A character in a game about 4 years ago was playing "Captain "Lightning" Jack", a stereotypical sailor who only uses a non-magical harpoon. So anyhow, we see 2 white dragons flying overhead, his first action (as usual) is to toss his hand +2 walk-trident (yeah, his walking-stick) aside and whip out the non-magical harpoon. Next round as they are swooping in, he chucks it, goes for "yank" damage, it gets stuck and now he's pulling a dragon-heart through a frozen forest.

Luckily a couple rounds later our groups "jester" kit bard successfully penetrates the dragons magic resistance and the dragon rolls a 1 on it's save for Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter and it plummets to death on the frozen spear-like trees.

The second dragon failed it's morale and fled home to mommy...another story.

Calrin Alshaw

 

[rln]

This comes from Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay...

We was investigating a very wierd castle, belonging to the dark lord Drachenfels. We found a lot of strange things there, for example the entire castle yard was not covered with gravel, but with fingers, ears and so on... quite nasty stuff.

After investigating the entire complex, we came to the highest room in the tallest tower, to discover a large pulsating heart suspended in mid-air. The heart acted as a device to colelct warpdust from the air, undoubtedly for nefarious usage later on.

After discussing a long time on how to disable it, one of the party got fed up and put an arrow through it. It promptly swelled up and exploded. The DM was probably feeling nice (a rare occurence), so he allowed us to throw us through the window and try to grab something on the way down. With a few lucky rolls and fate points, everyone actually survived.

That's when it hit us: Yorick!

Yorick was our trusted henchman. Through no fault of his own, we as players tended to forget he was with us. During his quite long tenure with us, he had (among many other things) managed to get sprayed with troll stomach acid, jumped from a ledge to survive the fiery blast of a dragon and was at a time gutted by two bloodletters (and then crawled out of the holding pentagram, ruining the protection spell). Miraculously, he survived it all (as did the rest of the party!)

As we had tarried, he asked for a roll to see if he made it out the window. We rolled... and missed. By one. We saw the form of our friend enter the window frame and then the entire floor exploded.

On our way out, we noticed that there had been several additions to the court yard, ten new fingers, a nose, an ear, two eyeballs...

Alas, poor Yorick! We knew him well...

 

[Laurel]

Not as good as the other stories

From my current game:
A Dwarf in full plate armor ignores the plank of wood everyone else is using and tries jump a ten feet chasm to another ship on rough water. The dwarf instead fell over the railing and into the sea. I'll mention here this is a dwarf with no swim check and full plate armor on. After many tries of swimming in place, climbing, falling and almost drowning another PC is able to throw a rope. Once the dwarf gets the rope, falls, gets tangled in the rope, and is almost hit by a cannon he makes it to the top deck. But quickly he notices the smell of burning and no sounds of battle close by. Looking around he sees he made it onto a ship riddled with cannon holes, sinking fast and fire raging across the deck and lower decks. The only two PC&NPC's left on this ship are the dwarf and the half-orc who threw the rope. This time with the help of the half-orc, the dwarf is able to get to the other ship.
For time reference: The ship battle took quite awhile since it was two large ships attacking each other, but essentially the entire battle for the dwarf was just trying to get out of the water.
Moral: If your a dwarf with full plate and no swim skill, be careful what heroics you pull over water

My own PC though stupid moment to this point is:
My 8th level ranger and a 7th level bard leave the group and run off in a city filled with dragons, and oh an army of undead and vile whites.
We manage to somehow live through the first encounter, but then I get paralyzed and the bard dies. Luckily before they can kill the ranger (and with DM compassion) she unfreezes, grabs the bard and runs very quickly to safety. Not exactly her shiny moment for int. but at least she knew when to run.