D&D 5E Dungeon room description

[oriaxx77]

Hey guys,

I would like to publish some of my homebrew modules. Since this is my first attempt to publish something RPG related I started to read a lot about room descriptions.
As far as I see there are two - sometimes contradictory - requirements:

1. The module should be fun to read and evocative.
2. The module should be easy to use and practical at the table.

I am not sure how to achieve both. I tried to come up with something and I would like to post an example here.
Since you have tremendous DM-ing and Roleplaying experience I thought you could help me with some feedback.
It would also be a big help if you could give some examples about your preferred room description.

The example:

Shrine of Orcus
This is the room where Cinna performs the heart implant rituals. The door has a rotting, female, elven head that speaks. The room itself is small and barren, with only an altar dedicated to Orcus with an enormous, desecrated, black and rotting goat head in the center . It has a terrible atmosphere for non evils and exhilirating for evils. There are some bone fragments and a skull on the floor.

DM Notes:

• Door with talking head
  • Stone door. No locks.
  • Animated, wrinkled, female elven head on the door.
  • She is the guardian of the shrine.
  • She speaks elven and abbysal.
  • She can utter the spell Symbol (PHB p.280, WIS DC 20) every round until she is destroyed.
    She cannot use the same symbol twice in a row. She is very clever and chooses targets appropriately.
    E.g.: she uses Insanity against fighting men, Discord, Pain against casters etc.
  • She has 200 Hit Points, AC: 20, Immune to spells.
• Atmosphere
  • Evils act with advantage for every roll.
  • Goods act with disadvantage for every roll.
• Bone fragments and skull
  • Old, possibly humanoid bone fragments and a skull in the corner.
  • This is Ennio Cinna. A Demilich (MM p.48).
  • He is guardian of the chamber and this is his home.
  • He speaks through Drusus, his Imp familiar (MM p.76).
• Altar dedicated to Orcus
  • A black, bloody stone slab that acts as a sacrificial table.
  • It also acts as sarcophagy and Cinna resurrect here if not destroyed properly.
  • A big, black rotting goat head acting as the symbol of Orcus.
  • Anyone spending 1 round in the vicinity (20') got a random Confusion (PHB p.224, WIS DC20).

Thank you for your help and sorry for my English.
Oriaxx

 

[aco175]

Some DMs like this way so they can have a conversation with the players instead of reading a bunch of text. The problem is that the DM feels like he needs to make up all the descriptive text on the spot and not miss anything that is important to the game.

On the room itself, I do not know the level of PCs expected to be there but it looks rather tough. There should be a way to stop granting evils advantage and goods disadvantage. There could be something with the goat head's eyes glowing blood red and shooting beams out that appear to charge the monsters in the room.

 

[oriaxx77]

Some DMs like this way so they can have a conversation with the players instead of reading a bunch of text. The problem is that the DM feels like he needs to make up all the descriptive text on the spot and not miss anything that is important to the game.

On the room itself, I do not know the level of PCs expected to be there but it looks rather tough. There should be a way to stop granting evils advantage and goods disadvantage. There could be something with the goat head's eyes glowing blood red and shooting beams out that appear to charge the monsters in the room.

Thank you. You are right about the adv/disadv. I need to come up with something more interesting. It is wip.
How do you like the layout? Is it something you could use at the table? Would you make any improvements? E.g. too much text here, too little there etc...

 

[tommybahama]

Some famous writer said that if you describe a rifle on the wall then that rifle better go off in the third act. That's all I got.

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

Thoughts on Layout:
1. I like the point form but will you have enough room on a page to describe all your rooms this way?
2. Is there any information that PC will get if they try a perception/investigation? If so, what's the DC? Is there any pertinent information included that might only be revealed with a Knowledge check? If so, which skill might be applicable and what is the DC?
3. I'd suggest some descriptive changes(language, grammar etc..) but that's just editing stuff.

Thoughts on Content:
1. Instead of good/Evil, why not just have any follower of Orcus (or his allies - like a cleric of an allied god might count) get reap the benefits while anyone else unaligned to Orcus suffers the penalties? Then no need to have a discussion about character alignment. It will just move smoother since some tables don't use alignment.
2. Instead of advantage/disadvantage, use the spells 'Bless' and 'Bane'. Then they can still reap the rewards of getting advantage etc...

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

I dig the quick formatting. I might add that if there's anything that the PCs might talk to, adding some quick personality and goals information would be useful.

One thing I want out of dungeon crawls is descriptions that help give the PCs some context in deciding where they go. Too often, one direction appears to be the same as the other. So parties arbitrarily have to decide, and just come up with things like always going north, or just taking right turns. As a DM, I like to give them information like "to the west is a door with an old elven woman's head on it, to the east there's an earthen smell, and to the north you feel the temperature rising."

 

[Ath-kethin]

A great suggestion I read once was that room descriptions should be no longer than two sentences. I think that's a good rule of thumb.

I'm inclined to break that rule only if the description is meant to convey more than just the surroundings. For example, flowery language can be appropriate to convey unusual architectural features or similar aspects that might not be familiar to all groups or GMs. This approach is particularly useful as well if NPCs are known for a dialect or a manner of speaking; providing examples of how they talk can really help illustrate the scene and make it evocative.

 

[oriaxx77]

Great help so far. Thank you!
Could you point me some published adventure modules you regard as almost perfect / very good in room descriptions. Any adition.

 

[aco175]

I tend to have each dungeon having its own feeling or theme. If the whole temple of Orcus is filled with bones, blood, and icky things, I tend to say that throughout the dungeon you witness these things. Then the players can just go with it and any changes from that brings their attention. Also I tend to go with less gore and blood than some dungeons warrant. A temple of Orcus would be filled with gore and yuck, but some players and DMs aim for PG13 level of detail.

 

[Lanefan]

One thing glaringly missing: the size of the room, including ceiling height. The text should mirror the map so I don't have to look in both places to describe the place. Some dimensions and distances elsewhere would be useful too; from reading the above I can get no picture in my mind at all of this room's size and-or layout.

One thing to add: "Stone Door. No locks. Hinges to the north, opens outwards." (or whatever suits). Far too many module writers skip little details like this, yet players ask "which way does it open" at every damn door they meet.

Under 'Atmosphere' add something like 'Evil gloom noticed automatically by all non-Evils on entering the room' - this is a hint that the adv/disadv problem goes away if the PCs can somehow act from outside the room and-or entice the foes (or somehow move the foes) outside.