G'day, Oriaxx!
Love the encounter. Full of interesting details for a DM to play with!
As Quickleaf notes, the door is properly a separate encounter. I've attempted a reformat of the information, while including a few other items that a DM might want to know, but I would want to develop this further. In particular, I would like more of a sense of the head's personality. Giving the head a name helps the interaction, I feel. A few more details on her history would help.
The formatting in the Shrine of Orcus proper is tricky. I do believe you can overuse dot points; too many and it's just as bad as a wall of text. I like the practice of using inline headings in bold italics to call out important features. However, using dot points to convey NPC information is something I find useful.
This is one time when boxed text is quite useful: it alerts the characters to what's there. The next paragraph tells the DM what the purpose of the room is. After that, you put the details for individual elements of the room.
As noted, I would prefer to rework the NPC information from what I've given below; in general, you want to provide details on how the NPC interacts with the characters, and an idea of their goals (particularly in relation to the PCs!)
I'm sure there are lots of problems with this reworking, but if it provokes more discussion, all good!
DOOR TO THE SHRINE OF ORCUS
The stone door to this room has a rotting female elven head hanging on it that greets the characters as they approach. The head is named Jenna and she protects the entrance to the shrine.
- Jenna speaks Elven and Abyssal.
- Jenna wants to know why the characters wish to enter. If the characters cannot convince her they are worshippers of Orcus, she attacks.
- Jenna has AC 20 and 200 Hit Points. She is immune to spells and poison damage.
- Each round during combat on initiative count 20, Jenna casts symbol (DC 20). She may not use the same symbol two rounds in a row.
- The door only opens if Jenna wills it or if Jenna is destroyed.
THE SHRINE OF ORCUS
A blood-stained, stone altar with a rotting goat's head lying on it stands in the middle of this room. Bone fragments lie scattered around a human skull in one corner. The air is thick and oppressive with the stench of rot.
Cinna uses this room to perform the heart implant rituals. A demilich guards the room against intruders.
Evil Atmosphere. Good-aligned characters have disadvantage on all ability checks, attack rolls and saving throws in the room. Evil-aligned characters have advantage on the same rolls.
Bone Fragments and Skull. These are the remnants of a
demilich named Ennio Cinia, who guards the chamber and speaks through his
imp familiar Drusus. He is automatically hostile to the characters if they destroyed Jenna, but otherwise begins the interaction friendly. He knows the following:
- Ennio has served Orcus for 500 years.
- Cinna was once his apprentice, but has come far. Her plans thrill him, and he knows all the details.
- Ennio is easily flattered, and he reveals Cinna's plans if asked.
- Ennio wishes to help the characters serve Orcus.
Black Altar. This black, bloody stone slab acts as a sacrificial chamber. It is also a sarcophagus; Cinna resurrects here if not destroyed permanently. If a non-evil creature approaches within 5 feet of the altar, they must make a DC 18 Wisdom saving throw. On a failure, they are affected by
confusion (as the spell) for up to one minute.
Cheers,
Merric