Dysfunctional Gamer Behaviour

[fusangite]

How strange. Just like the past several threads on the subject of gamers' capacity to socialize, this one is also shaping up into a series of inspiring testimonials about how people in the gaming community came out of their shells. These are lovely stories that should inspire all ENWorlders.

Just to clarify, I'm not a complete social moron. I have built (and lost) a political movement, appeared on television and radio numerous times and have made speeches infront of hundreds of people, recruited candidates for office, negotiated political coalition agreements with a sitting government, etc. I host parties that are attended by over 100 people at least once a year. I appear occasionally in the society column in my city's main newspaper. Nonetheless, I have never felt qualified to advise people on what to do to make themselves more socially appealing -- everyone knows what behavioural changes are required; the question is whether one can execute these changes.

 

[Snoweel]

I don't know either.

I've always been the guy that people think are super-cool and impressive when they first meet me, but when they get to know me put me in the "You're one of the wierdest people I've ever met in my life" category.

And the thing is, I accept this and never really cared. Only problem is I've had VERY FEW long-term relationships. Longest was my ex-wife (17 months from when we started dating until we separated) and I'm sure it would've been shorter if we hadn't moved to Sweden to be closer to her parents (and further from mine ).

 

[Viking Bastard]

I've always been the guy that people think are super-cool and impressive when they first meet me, but when they get to know me put me in the "You're one of the wierdest people I've ever met in my life" category.

Hey, me too. When I was younger, I thought of this as a kind of
kewl, but in the last couple of years, it has kinda lost it's appeal.

 

[Viking Bastard]

1. An American friend I had in Sweden was amazed at the lack of social stratification in highschools in other parts of the world...

Now, throughout our lives, me and my friends have watched
Hollywood material concerning the USA High School-thingy and
for years, while we believed that there were some foundings in
reality, we also believed this look to be a gross exageration and
basically, drama. Oh sure, there'll always be 'popular' kids and
there'll always be dorks, but they don't form an actual social
ladder/class system and such.

Then one of my friends (non-gamer) spent a year in the states
(his mom got a job) and went to a High School for a year. Very
quickly he got accepted into a 'popular' crowd but got expelled
very quickly because, in fact, he began to socialize below him. He
started to talk about Star Wars and Kraftwerk to people outside
"his crew" (he is one of the nicest guys I know, the kind of guy
that can get along with anyone). Suddenly he was being shut out
of all kinds of social circles because he was considered "weird".

The horror stories he tells us of just how hard it seemed to be for
anyone to be there. How uptight people were. How restricted they
were and how quick people were to typecast. He was horrified.

Now, of course, he might have just ended up in a really bad school,
socially speaking (although it was supposed to be a really solid
one, it was a private school), but it was a real splash in the face
that maybe there were some truth behind the Hollywood idea of
High School. That and some of the horrible stories I've heard here
and (especially) on another Sci-Fi board I routinely visit. Plus, that
I've heard similar stories, just the other way around, from American
kids I know that have spent time in Icelandic schools.

 

[clockworkjoe]

Now, throughout our lives, me and my friends have watched
Hollywood material concerning the USA High School-thingy and
for years...

A few things:

1. Don't forget that Americans are more hetergenous than Icelandic people. There's such a wide range of ethnic, religious, cultural and political backgrounds to people that it's a more serious issue than in a more homogenous culture.

2. In my experience, upper middle class people (like those thaat attend private schools for example) are far more insecure about their position in life than people from lower background, who have a better grounding in life and have dealt with a wider range of people. That insecurity translates to extreme cliquish behavior.

3. American youth culture is defined by cliques and subcultures. What you listen to, watch, and wear, is very important because it says who you are to other people. Popularity is defined by who you exclude more than who you accept.

 

[Corinth]

VB: Your friend's American high school experience is definately typical.

 

[Aeris Winterood]

How much EXP?

Kill them and take their stuff?

How much experience is a skater dude? Or are preppies or players more xp's????

I know players would have better stuff to take!

 

[Snoweel]

From what I hear, sub-cultural cliques are worst in areas that are ethnically homogenous - multicultural highschools replace the subculture distinction with ethnic and cultural distinctions, which are actively discouraged by the system, unlike geek/jock distinctions that don't reek of prejudice and bigotry.

At least that's how it is in Oz - the all-white highschools of "country New South Wales", for example, are more like White-American movie highschools than the highschools of working-class Sydney (a city where more than half of its inhabitants were either born overseas or their parents were).

I hear similar things about Sweden - Stockholm is very cosmopolitan, at least compared to the rest of the country, and my experiences are with Stockholm highschools.

 

[jdavis]

Only been to one High School so I can't speak in general terms but from my experience there you tend to fall into a very rigid class system in High School. You stay within your group, you talk about topics which are acceptable to your group and you do not intermingle with those in a lower group unless you are; A. Trying to put on a show of how not-stuck up you are for an adult or B. gaining something out of it (such as getting a math geek to do your calculus homework). By the way I went to Heath High School in West Paducah, we are sort of famous as we had one of the big time kid shootings a few years ago (ten years after my time there, but the same school). It's a pretty rigid class structure that drives a person to shoot his classmates, it didn't suprise me when it happened there. This kind of social class behavior leads to a lot of people having the kind of fear problems fusangite was talking about.

 

[MarauderX]

...
Nonetheless, I have never felt qualified to advise people on what to do to make themselves more socially appealing -- everyone knows what behavioural changes are required; the question is whether one can execute these changes.

Do they? My geeky friends never asked me, but were very grateful when I helped them out with meeting women, getting dates, teaching them what is charming, etc. in college. I don't think they knew exactly what they were doing 'wrong' and what they could do to fix it without spending a dime, and they listened openly without being too defensive. I felt like a good friend by passing along what I knew that worked for me, and having that perspective really helped them. Two of them are engaged, one is in a serious relationship, one has been married (now divorced ), and the last guy is now the ultimate player.

As I have gotten older, I think less feedback needs to be given to new found peers, as most are happy with being geeky and/or able to know and admit when they are geeky.