maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
yangnome said:
I'm hoping to get judgements finished and sent to Rodrigo tomorrow, and if Herremann has sent his, I guess it'll be up to Rodrigo...
ENW Short Story Smackdown Summer 07 (Winner Announced)
- Thread starter Rodrigo Istalindir
- Start date
I'm hoping to get judgements finished and sent to Rodrigo tomorrow, and if Herremann has sent his, I guess it'll be up to Rodrigo...
Avatar_V
First Post
So... how's that judging coming along? 
Also, I wanted to let people know that I'll be out of town between tomorrow morning and Saturday evening, in case it matters (away at a three day MBA program leadership retreat/orientation/class thing - should be interesting). I would guess that I'll have internet access, but who knows.
Also, I wanted to let people know that I'll be out of town between tomorrow morning and Saturday evening, in case it matters (away at a three day MBA program leadership retreat/orientation/class thing - should be interesting). I would guess that I'll have internet access, but who knows.
Herremann the Wise
First Post
Hello Everyone,
I have forwarded my decision in the FickleGM/Avatar_V match up. Trench vs. yangnome is to follow hopefully i the next 6 hours. Apologies once again for the unreasonable delay.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
I have forwarded my decision in the FickleGM/Avatar_V match up. Trench vs. yangnome is to follow hopefully i the next 6 hours. Apologies once again for the unreasonable delay.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
Rodrigo has both of my judgements, so any time now, I think...
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Rodrigo is travelling. I'll see what I can get posted tonight.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Round 3 Match 2 -- Avatar_V vs FickleGM
Herremann the Wise
It will be news to no one that this match-up had a very difficult set of images. I found it interesting how both our competitors attacked the images (or were attacked by them).
FickleGM has truly dug into the flavour of the pictures, with numerous descriptions that put me in a “happy place”. I went from imagining Dawn of the Dead to Stephen King’s The Stand to Alice in Wonderland. It captured the whimsy in most of the images, which was certainly a good thing. However, the story has suffered somewhat without a strong golden thread tying it all up.
Yuki’s plight is a somewhat tragic affair that does not punch as hard as it should. Rather than a ringing message, fable or moral, we are left with a self-realization without depth. Just because she wished something bad, even if she really meant it at the time does not necessarily make her a bad person – there was certainly little in the story that hinted at it, even several reads later.
Avatar_V has put the detective hat on to deliver a somewhat interesting tale that in the end just could not ring true for me. A detective discussing vital evidence (victim’s time of death) with suspects or even persons of interest just does not make sense (unless it is part of some tricksy ruse). The fact that it was not a ruse and in fact they were outsmarted by a young girl (well a few of them actually) made the overall story a little wonky (if still somewhat enjoyable).
I think it would have been better if our older, wiser detective had have made these deductions, even if they were too late – him using the tomato as an example rather than Anna. It would have fitted in to the overall story better I think. Still 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing and something that has absolutely no benefit or relevance whatsoever when it comes to Ceramic DM. When you get your inspiration, you just have to write.
As such, it is a difficult decision but I think I’ll go with Avatar_V on this one. While not perfect, I thought the fact that a cohesive story was crafted from such a difficult set of images is worth noting. I enjoyed the imagery FickleGM conveyed but in the end, you still have to write a story that appears to achieve its aim. Thank you to both our competitors for your considerable effort!
maxfieldjadenfox
Extracurricular Murder
An interesting detective story, this. Katy and Ashley are nasty pieces of work, and the way they placed the blame on Samantha was pretty smart. It was clear that they had thought it out. I think it was an interesting choice to have two teenaged girls be the cold blooded killers. Not your standard suspects. The daylight savings time twist is fun. I liked the tone, and while I didn't get a strong sense of the detectives, they were still used to good effect. The picture use is strong, especially considering how really disparate the pictures were for this round. I don't know that the mask photo was thoroughly explained. Maybe if there was some reference to the mask before, or if Ashley appeared to be trying to conceal the mask or something? I thought the tomato picture use was genius. It illustrated the truncated time well and didn't feel forced to me.
Monster
Your writing style is strong here, Fickle GM, but Yuki's punishment seems way, way harsh for the crime. She was upset and made a wish? Without some sort of set up explaining that wishes come true in this world or something, it seems way too random. If she is truly a monster, we should see her do something truly monstrous. As it is, I feel like the whole reason for the story unravels. The picture use is OK. They were hard pictures to integrate. The dead guy was sort of the introduction, but there was no explanation for why he was dressed the way he was on a soccer field. The girl with the lantern and the princess and the frog set up the alternate universe Yuki fell into, very Alice through the looking glass stuff, which you wrote well, I think. The tomato is pretty weak, using it as a hallucinogenic works, but the explanation for the tape measure isn't plausible. Overall, this story just doesn't work for me. I can tell what you were going for, and like I said, it is well written, but the story itself just doesn't fly. The hammer and I are in accord, we give this one to Avatar V. Sorry Fickle GM. Squish.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Avatar V's story starts out with a bang, sort of sags in the middle, and recovers nicely with a twist at the end. It makes the cops look a little foolish -- who wouldn't remember DST the next day -- but funny nonetheless. The way you worked in the party hat is excellent -- it takes a distracting element in the picture and welcomes it rather than trying to gloss it over. Similary, the tomato picture was a clever way of reading more into the picture than was given without adding or subtracting an element, just implying it.
The writing here was rougher than I've come to expect, and some parts of the story seemed perfunctory. The 'memorial celebration' seems quite forced. Also, some of the 'police procedural' elements are off -- questioning minors without their parents present, etc. When you adopt a fairly defined genre for your story, you have to take care to follow the conventions. Still, this is more a reflection of the time constraints of CDM.
FickleGM's story starts off suitably creepy. I'm a sucker for 'last man in the world' stories (and I wonder what a shrink would say about that ). The transition from mundane to magical is a bit quick, though, and Yuki's actions seem to flow from the requirements of the story rather than from the requirements of the character. Overall, the pictures are a little forced. Nothing really bad, but nothing terribly inspiring either.
This is probably your best writing so far, though. The pacing is very good, and your characterization is improving. The dialogue is solid, and the transitions between it and the narrative are smooth. The tone is spot on for the kind of fairy tale aspect you were shooting for. While some elements of the story feel a ittle rushed, the writing doesn't.
FickleGM's writing was a little more solid and polished, but Avatar V did really well working in a couple of the pictures, so I throw my vote to him. FickleGM -- I know you mentioned not having as much fun as you thought you would in the competition, but I'd really recommend trying some writing when you're not 'on the clock'. You've really improved over the course of the Ceramic DMs and you should at least see if you can enjoy writing in a different context.
Avatar V advances to the finals, 3-0.
Herremann the Wise
It will be news to no one that this match-up had a very difficult set of images. I found it interesting how both our competitors attacked the images (or were attacked by them).
FickleGM has truly dug into the flavour of the pictures, with numerous descriptions that put me in a “happy place”. I went from imagining Dawn of the Dead to Stephen King’s The Stand to Alice in Wonderland. It captured the whimsy in most of the images, which was certainly a good thing. However, the story has suffered somewhat without a strong golden thread tying it all up.
Yuki’s plight is a somewhat tragic affair that does not punch as hard as it should. Rather than a ringing message, fable or moral, we are left with a self-realization without depth. Just because she wished something bad, even if she really meant it at the time does not necessarily make her a bad person – there was certainly little in the story that hinted at it, even several reads later.
Avatar_V has put the detective hat on to deliver a somewhat interesting tale that in the end just could not ring true for me. A detective discussing vital evidence (victim’s time of death) with suspects or even persons of interest just does not make sense (unless it is part of some tricksy ruse). The fact that it was not a ruse and in fact they were outsmarted by a young girl (well a few of them actually) made the overall story a little wonky (if still somewhat enjoyable).
I think it would have been better if our older, wiser detective had have made these deductions, even if they were too late – him using the tomato as an example rather than Anna. It would have fitted in to the overall story better I think. Still 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing and something that has absolutely no benefit or relevance whatsoever when it comes to Ceramic DM. When you get your inspiration, you just have to write.
As such, it is a difficult decision but I think I’ll go with Avatar_V on this one. While not perfect, I thought the fact that a cohesive story was crafted from such a difficult set of images is worth noting. I enjoyed the imagery FickleGM conveyed but in the end, you still have to write a story that appears to achieve its aim. Thank you to both our competitors for your considerable effort!
maxfieldjadenfox
Extracurricular Murder
An interesting detective story, this. Katy and Ashley are nasty pieces of work, and the way they placed the blame on Samantha was pretty smart. It was clear that they had thought it out. I think it was an interesting choice to have two teenaged girls be the cold blooded killers. Not your standard suspects. The daylight savings time twist is fun. I liked the tone, and while I didn't get a strong sense of the detectives, they were still used to good effect. The picture use is strong, especially considering how really disparate the pictures were for this round. I don't know that the mask photo was thoroughly explained. Maybe if there was some reference to the mask before, or if Ashley appeared to be trying to conceal the mask or something? I thought the tomato picture use was genius. It illustrated the truncated time well and didn't feel forced to me.
Monster
Your writing style is strong here, Fickle GM, but Yuki's punishment seems way, way harsh for the crime. She was upset and made a wish? Without some sort of set up explaining that wishes come true in this world or something, it seems way too random. If she is truly a monster, we should see her do something truly monstrous. As it is, I feel like the whole reason for the story unravels. The picture use is OK. They were hard pictures to integrate. The dead guy was sort of the introduction, but there was no explanation for why he was dressed the way he was on a soccer field. The girl with the lantern and the princess and the frog set up the alternate universe Yuki fell into, very Alice through the looking glass stuff, which you wrote well, I think. The tomato is pretty weak, using it as a hallucinogenic works, but the explanation for the tape measure isn't plausible. Overall, this story just doesn't work for me. I can tell what you were going for, and like I said, it is well written, but the story itself just doesn't fly. The hammer and I are in accord, we give this one to Avatar V. Sorry Fickle GM. Squish.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Avatar V's story starts out with a bang, sort of sags in the middle, and recovers nicely with a twist at the end. It makes the cops look a little foolish -- who wouldn't remember DST the next day -- but funny nonetheless. The way you worked in the party hat is excellent -- it takes a distracting element in the picture and welcomes it rather than trying to gloss it over. Similary, the tomato picture was a clever way of reading more into the picture than was given without adding or subtracting an element, just implying it.
The writing here was rougher than I've come to expect, and some parts of the story seemed perfunctory. The 'memorial celebration' seems quite forced. Also, some of the 'police procedural' elements are off -- questioning minors without their parents present, etc. When you adopt a fairly defined genre for your story, you have to take care to follow the conventions. Still, this is more a reflection of the time constraints of CDM.
FickleGM's story starts off suitably creepy. I'm a sucker for 'last man in the world' stories (and I wonder what a shrink would say about that
). The transition from mundane to magical is a bit quick, though, and Yuki's actions seem to flow from the requirements of the story rather than from the requirements of the character. Overall, the pictures are a little forced. Nothing really bad, but nothing terribly inspiring either.This is probably your best writing so far, though. The pacing is very good, and your characterization is improving. The dialogue is solid, and the transitions between it and the narrative are smooth. The tone is spot on for the kind of fairy tale aspect you were shooting for. While some elements of the story feel a ittle rushed, the writing doesn't.
FickleGM's writing was a little more solid and polished, but Avatar V did really well working in a couple of the pictures, so I throw my vote to him. FickleGM -- I know you mentioned not having as much fun as you thought you would in the competition, but I'd really recommend trying some writing when you're not 'on the clock'. You've really improved over the course of the Ceramic DMs and you should at least see if you can enjoy writing in a different context.
Avatar V advances to the finals, 3-0.
WhimsyTheFae
Explorer
First, I have to give a hearty congratulations to Avatar V. I also felt that your story was the stronger of the two and deserved to win.
Second, while I am glad to finally be out of the competition, I am also glad that I stuck with it and tried my hardest to win. It is true, that I did not enjoy the writing and the competition was more work that I would have liked. I felt this way after my first CDM, this spring, but I convinced myself to give it another go and see if I would improve and/or enjoy the experience more. I do feel that I improved, but I did not enjoy myself, which caused the first two rounds to leave a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I was rooting against myself, because I wanted out. But, like Ricky Bobby's French adversary, I wasn't going to just throw a match (granted, the French guy possessed much more racing skill than I do writing skill, but you get the point). I hope that I acquitted myself well.
Third, I would like to thank the judges (both from the spring and summer competitions), for they have given good advice that has helped me to both improve my writing and recognize weaknesses that still exist.
Finally, Rodrigo, I will give some serious consideration to writing something recreationally and see how I feel about it.
Good luck to the finalists.
Second, while I am glad to finally be out of the competition, I am also glad that I stuck with it and tried my hardest to win. It is true, that I did not enjoy the writing and the competition was more work that I would have liked. I felt this way after my first CDM, this spring, but I convinced myself to give it another go and see if I would improve and/or enjoy the experience more. I do feel that I improved, but I did not enjoy myself, which caused the first two rounds to leave a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I was rooting against myself, because I wanted out. But, like Ricky Bobby's French adversary, I wasn't going to just throw a match (granted, the French guy possessed much more racing skill than I do writing skill, but you get the point). I hope that I acquitted myself well.
Third, I would like to thank the judges (both from the spring and summer competitions), for they have given good advice that has helped me to both improve my writing and recognize weaknesses that still exist.
Finally, Rodrigo, I will give some serious consideration to writing something recreationally and see how I feel about it.
Good luck to the finalists.
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
Rodrigo Istalindir said:
Fickle GM, what Rodrigo said. Keep writing! CDM/SSSD is incredibly difficult for even seasoned writers. It's like running a marathon, no matter how much you train, you're sore the day after. Good work, I saw lots of growth from you through the course of this competition.
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