[Extremely OT]: Engagement Rings

[mooby]

Yeah, I'm looking to go and buy one for the love of my life.

I know some of the people here must know a thing or two about them. That being said, what's the 'unwritten rule' on how much one should spend on a ring.

I've heard 1,2, and 3 month's pay.

I really want this to be something special, and any help anybody can give is much appreciated.

Thanks a lot, guys and gals.

 

[Thorntangle]

Pay whatever you feel comfortable in paying for something this important. But, get help picking the ring. Lots of help. It spoils the surprise aspect, but it might be best if you have her help you select it. If not your fiancee, then ask all her friends to help you. The last thing you want is the situation where she doesn't like the ring but doesn't want to say so.

 

[Dismas]

First of all Good Luck.

In the end it should not come down to money, but meaning.

The first engagement ring I brought my wife wasn't too expensive but had a Ceylon Saphire in its centre (she is 1/2 singalese (sp?)), it probably cost about a 1 1/2 weeks wages (It eventually had to be cut off her finger when she caught it on a door handle and got it twisted on her finger.) The second was a 'normal' diamond ring, and then she also got an eternity ring from me (we were engaged for 12 years!)

The same with our wedding rings, they were not overly expensive, (about one months wages in total) but had meaning. Her is Gold with 'My Love is Upon You' in Gaelic (I am 1/2 irish), mine is a replica of the ring worn by Ed Harris character in thefilm The Abyss (Titainium, made by the company that made the film prop).

 

[Balgus]

Since you answered my question- I will try with yours:

Personally, and from stories, I found that HUGE rings are pretty to look at for like 10 minutes, and then they get placed in a box to be used only in super special occasions.

Anything over 1 Karat is too large and uncomfortable to wear. My sister got a 3K ring, and it is bulgy and cumbersome. She said if she could, she would trade it in for a smaller one which she could wear on a regular basis- but that would anger her hubby since he spent three montsh financing it. This one is too big- and she is afraid she might lose it (either dropping the diamond, or someone robbing her). She has not worn it since her fiance gave it to her.

If you want something that would get her to swoon over- yeah a big one is the way to go. But if you want one that is more utilitarian, then get a smaller one- it will stay on her finger longer...

 

[emergent]

I just got married this past January and we were engaged a year before that. Two things:
Don't spend more than you can really afford. As a poor grad student, I was bummed I could not buy my now-wife something great and huge. But no matter what you get, she'll love it! You can always add to it with more or bigger diamonds later, or drop lots of cash on the anniversary band in a few years.

Second, get her input. While it is true she'll like it no matter what, it is also true most women have thought about the kind of ring they want already -- at least my wife had. So she gave me some ideas about settings, stones, etc before I went a got one.

There is also all the complicated diamond stuff, but there are lots of web sites and books available to help. I picked up The Grooms Survivial Manual before I went ring shopping and it was a big help -- not just for the engagement ring, but for all the stuff that comes after.

I hope this is helpful. Best of luck and congrats!

 

[Quickbeam]

The old custom was two months wages. But like others have said, meaning far exceeds the importance of cost when it comes to engagement rings. Several factors to consider are:

1) Will you be buying an engagement ring and a wedding ring, or just one ring total? Many people do not prefer the idea of having two separate rings that sort of fit together, so instead they get one lovely piece of jewelry.
2) Get input, as noted above. If your impending engagement has been discussed then go ring shopping together. You don't have to choose one that same day, or ruin your proposal plans by having her present when the actual ring is purchased, but her ideas and opinions are peerless in value. My wife and I went ring shopping together and I learned that she greatly preferred wedding rings that were more similar to eternity bands or ornate pieces of antique estate jewelry. I made the final decision and purchase alone, but her input dramatically helped shape my choice and ultimately guaranteed a ring she'd love.
3) If you're going to have one central stone, find out what style she likes: princess cut; marquise; pear-shaped; round; etc.
4) Color and clarity matter -- don't chintze on these.
5) Know your future fiancee well enough to make a realisitc purchase. This sorta relates back to #2, but includes your own judgment. I have a friend who received a gorgeous 2.5k solitaire engagement ring...which she never wears. She works as an Assistant DA in downtown Detroit (not very safe), is very athletic and active, and generally doesn't care for gaudy or expensive jewelry. It's a lovely ring, but she doesn't wear the blasted thing. IMO that is just silly.

Good luck & congrats. Update us all later!!

 

[Katerek]

Congrats to you.

If you have been dating a while and have been talking marriage, your fiance already knows what she would like.

Next time you are at the mall stop by a few ring shops and see which one she oohs and ogles over. Tiem it with your moms birthday or soemthing and pretend to be shopping for a tennis bracelet or somesuch.

While you are there 'happen' to go by rings.

Money isn't everything. I have found that men are more consumed witht he cost than women. Get what you can afford my friend.

I once spent $7k US on a ring for a girl. It was too much for me of course, but I wanted to impress her and her family, plus I wanted the whole world to see how much I cared. Aah youth. That relationship was nothing but a learning experience.

Later in life, when I was a little more wise, my fiance helped to find one. Yeah there was less suprise, but we communicated really well so it wasn't too bad. The suprise was when I finally bought it and asked her. We were engaged for five years or so.

That ring cost me less than what I make in two days. She didnt care about cost, it was truly the thought that mattered.

A good friend of mine said her and her husbands rings cost a total of about $100 US. No diamond, hell, no gold even. They are simple celtic knotwork bands in sterling silver. She cherishes that more than the heirloom diamond solitaire that her mother gave her. It is because the love of her life gave it to her and they have a special meaning (the rings).

My advice to you my friend is to talk to her.

 

[Fast Learner]

Personally, and from stories, I found that HUGE rings are pretty to look at for like 10 minutes, and then they get placed in a box to be used only in super special occasions.

Anything over 1 Karat is too large and uncomfortable to wear. My sister got a 3K ring, and it is bulgy and cumbersome. She said if she could, she would trade it in for a smaller one which she could wear on a regular basis- but that would anger her hubby since he spent three montsh financing it. This one is too big- and she is afraid she might lose it (either dropping the diamond, or someone robbing her). She has not worn it since her fiance gave it to her.

If you want something that would get her to swoon over- yeah a big one is the way to go. But if you want one that is more utilitarian, then get a smaller one- it will stay on her finger longer...

Just for additional information, my experience is quite the opposite.

I purchased an extremely expensive engagement ring for my fiance (2 carats, F in color, interally flawless) and she wears it every second of the day and night. We bought insurance on it so that if she loses it or it's stolen then we're not out the cost, insurance that isn't too expensive and adds a ton of peace of mind.

She enjoys it so much that even though we're pretty much broke right now and she needs a new car badly, she won't even consider downgrading to a smaller ring and would rather fear her car will break down every day instead.

As such, the advice to talk to your potential fiancee about it is very good, and strongly recommended.

 

[Mark]

Congrats!

I was married once years ago and engaged (again) since then (didn't take) so my own information would be horribly out of date. One word of advice, though. If she ever asks if (insert something here) makes her look (insert some adverse effect here), do not hesitate even the slightest before telling her "No"...

 

[Eosin the Red]

Price is really subjective - what you can afford without hawking your future.

Personally, I took the one step from flawless approach and looked between .49 & .89 K. Study the stuff and you can actually understand what is going on. Look at some of your lady friends rings then ask them about the stones - note which ones look nice to you. Lots of diamond sellers have guides on the net. On the priceing thing - Like D&D some numbers are more adventagious to the consumer, avoid .50, .75, .90, & 1.0 as soon as you cross the respective threshhold the price for the entire diamond goes up (way up)!


Big flawed diamonds tend to look like big flawed brown diamonds.